How should I handle my mom with dementia going into an irrational, aggressive and abusive rage for hours?

What kind of doctor is treating her dementia? (psychiatrist, GP, geriatrician, neurologist, etc) Is she on any meds for it? Have you discussed this with her doctor? If her doctor is not a specialist and hasn't any idea of how to treat this, it might be time to switch to a specialist. There may be medications that can greatly reduce this behavior.

One way to get help would be to call 911 the next time she is in a rage. In the ER ask that she be evaluated for her mental health problems. They will look at all the drugs she is taking and perhaps try others, under their close supervision.

But calling 911 is a last resort, I think (since she really isn't hurting herself or you). First, discuss this with a doctor very experienced with dementia.

Yes, this type of behavior can be very common with dementia. It is very scary and hard to deal with. I agree you should speak with her doctor. Usually this happens in late stage dementia. You may have to consider a care facility, as sometimes we are just not equipped to deal with this type of behavior in the home environment. Please take care of yourself too.

... my mom was doing that, like you it would start for small reasons, a look, or I would leave, a thought she created, a television show, didn't seem to matter.  The anger she had from not only the dementia but also from the fact that "she knows she has it" .. those fears translated to anger for her.  She simply expressed the anger more easy than trying to explain or verbalize her fears or irrational thoughts her dementia was causing. 

My mother was started on very small doses of saraquil and her moods leveled out.  The dosage is small enough to calm yet not enough to create any type of larthargic or 'doped up' type response. She remains alert, simply calmer. Then, months later she started what could be explained as mini panic attacks, but only after specific triggers, such as being in a crowd or after strenuous exercise (perhaps using the restroom then taking a shower all within an hour, etc) so her physician prescribed a small dose of larazapam, that has worked very very well. She is on small dose saraquil every day and larazapam "only if she enters a panic (perhaps once per week.)
 I do want to mention  "urinary tract infections' are used far to quick as reasons and excuses for elderly behavioral abnormalities and are used from everyone from care facilities to family members etc ... but when the actual infection itself is 'not that common' when you place percentages of elderly comparatively  ... So No, UTIs are not the 'go to fix all'... they are not.  As long as your parent is hydrated, and their nutrition is basically balanced and as long as they are bathed/showered and performs decent peri- care and changes incontenance pads/briefs often enough in-between a shower, an elderly person does not contract UTI's as often as expressed by many. 

As I've had to learn with my mother, dementia in any stage, is unpredictable, although you can almost get used to the unpredictability, the brain of a dementia sufferer is not ever functioning properly it's simply that the more disturbing or 'noticeably imbalanced times" comes in definite waves and are highlighted. 

**If you are caring for your parent at home I would not call the police nor take them to a hospital for psych evaluations (those two paths can turn out to be very detrimental to an elderly person and are impossible to reverse the steps once those two avenues are taken) ... Simply set an appointment and take her to her physician and tell them what her behaviors are and perhaps they can test her blood to rule out any issues and perhaps they can provide assistance to calm and ease her via initiating small doses of carefully monitored medications. With our elders, it's always best to take smaller measures to find solutions rather than jumping to conclusions or making harsh and perhaps detrimenial decisions. 

Lastly,  I would like to suggest, that when/if  you are speaking with either a doctor, nurse, or to any facility in a hospital setting, make sure you strongly emphasize that she is "not" physically hurting you (unless she truly is) .. because, if she's ever to be placed in a care facility, an abuse report/statement that you make to a hospital or to her physician, even during a passing conversation with them, all you say to them will go on her medical records and physically abusive reports will keep her from ever being able to be in a standard facility and will only be allowed to be in a phych type facility. (And there are major differences between the two I can assure you.)

MYPETUNIA615, another idea is that your Mom might also be suffering from an urinary tract infection [UTI] which can cause many different strange and abusive symptoms. This is somewhat common in elders. The test is fairly easy if Mom cooperates, peeing in a cup. It was can controlled with antibiotics.

my mom threatens the throw me out i bet it happens after noon maybe round 2 pm !! that is sundown effect if ya wanna call it that ...well for me she did that & 2 times i take a hour long walk with my dog & come back she has claim down try that & also if it happens at he same time what you can do is play something on t.v that she really loves & get that on & then if she still acts up then leave for that hour ...try to do that let me know if it helps ..google the sundown syndrome & see --good luck ,.later M

I also have this problem with my wife. She has Lewy's Body dementia and this kind of behavior is more prominent with Lewy's Body. She also is subject to the Sundowners Syndrome. I have been told she gets frustrated and then angry and then takes her anger out on her caregiver (me). The strange thing is that she does not exhibit this behavior when other people are around, It is usually during this time she falls. I did call 911 once and will never do it again. But, that is another story. My solution now is to simply wrap my arms around her and hold her on the couch or bed until she calms down. I am told this is illegal because I am restraining her but, what else can I do?

... Riley.. not sure if you've cared for anyone with dementia, but it most certainly does matter "why. It most certainly does. Our elders are human beings of whom are entering their last years on this earth and we who have found ourselves having the responsibility for them understand that these elder persons who most have contributed to society are now living in the very same society that refuses to respect their value as living beings. Ones who suffer Mental and physical degrading due to age related disabilities and illnesses are not to be treated as if they are to be locked up, should not be treated as sub human beings. So, if a caregiver sees an issue then to advise that caregiver to seek better ways to resolve or deal or to assist the behavior is the "correct path, rather than the path of yours of zero tolerance... zero tolerance removes reasoning, removes patience and understanding, it removes seeking the cause and seeking a reason... therefore removes any investigative help for that individual who very much has a right to receive. Zero tolerance is a cold and power play approach to every single aspect in life and has absolutely no place when dealing with humans, let alone as they age. I hope I've made myself clear.

meridianav, that's exactly what happens. When the rage is over and she calms down whether it be a nap or a major distraction, she totally forgets any of it. It takes me a little longer to calm down. Some things that she says to me are very hurtful. It's an emotional roller coaster.

So many good points or not? If you call 911, a police officer will arrive, a report will be made, they will possibly call for an EMT, the next move is your hospital's psych ward. Anti psych drugs will be used, much stronger than home meds. Your loved one will sleep for days, may be worse when they wake up, home may not be home anymore. Don't know if "man hugs" are a good idea either, in a hospital setting they are called "restraints." That's got to be frightening. If someone is scared, they may become more agitated or "give up," because they've forgotten what's going on to begin with. It's called being submissive. Compliancy happens with disease progression. Not investigating why at all what's going on? You don't do that with your own concerns, you seek out reasons & help, your loved one can't tell you what's wrong anymore. Let's not forget these are memory impairments; battles won't be won, any of your fighting words in response to their verbal abuse not understood, your direction & guidance way over their heads as soon as you give them. It's all way too much to understand for the afflicted, so you, the loving caregiver will be the recepient of it all. Less is better. Keep direction & guidance short & simple. Walk away when you sense any agitation coming on. Ignore the verbal abuse, even though it's hard, think pleasant thoughts. Just go with the "time out," if your 5 minutes is 15, let it be, it's a good rest for you. Try & take care of you both, if you choose, until you change course. Remember you are doing the best you can. Don't forget you! Blessings 🌸

Blessings - I can back you up somewhat on that robotic cat.
My older brother bought one of the "Joy" cats for our mother, a few months before we finally moved her. When he told me what he did, I predicted, and was right, what her initial reaction would be: What did he waste his money on this for? Followed by, as predicted, he should have bought this for YOU.
The reason for this is before dementia 1) she would consider this a waste of money, and 2) she was never really an animal lover. She tolerated the few pets, mostly dogs, that we had when growing up. She always tells me not to get any more when one of my cats passes on. Sorry mom, I like them and the company they provide!

Anyway... she would sometimes, long before dementia, fawn over little dogs, and maybe seeing a kitten (god forbid a cat climbed into her lap!), but that was the extent of it. That said, she has marveled over this "cat" - probably more so because she is fascinated with what it can do, not so much that it is a pet to be snuggled and cuddled. She apparently showed it off to the neighbors before we moved her, and still about 6 months later will still marvel over it and what it does.

What can it do? When you pet and/or scratch it and hit the "sweet" spots, it purrs, it meows, it moves it's head, blinks, wiggles the ears. Sometime it raises one paw and proceeds to "lick" it, slurping noise included! If done long enough and hit the right spots, it will roll the upper body back, purring away, to allow the tummy to be rubbed/petted. Eventually it will roll the upper body back up (it is in a lying pose, with head and shoulders raised.

Given a choice between dog and cat, for someone with dementia I would likely recommend the cat (I DO like dogs) - they have done studies and that gentle purring has a calming effect on many people, not just cat people. I have not seen the robotic dog in person or watched anything online, but real dogs tend to be more "exuberant", barking, jumping, etc, so I would guess these robots would try to mimic that behavior like they mimic the cat behavior. It would all depend on the person it is intended for, but again, I think the calm, quiet, purring and quiet meowing would be more beneficial for someone with dementia.

So, if your friend/loved one IS or WAS a pet lover, one of these could help bring some comfort, especially during those anxious moments that happen too often. If nothing else, it is a distraction from whatever they might be fixated on, and distraction/redirection is one of the caregiver's tools (and family members). It is certainly worth a try!

(If it doesn't work out, there is probably a young family member somewhere who would love to "inherit it! ... or you could mail it to me!! :-D)