My mother just turned 99 and moved to AL in November. It was a big adjustment for her. She was living with me for many years and lived a very quiet life. In the AL there is a constant stream of aides, cleaning people, laundry people, etc coming and going into her room. She is not used to all the hubbub. At first she didn’t like that they just enter, but she has adjusted to that, she just requested that they knock before entering.
Her mind was pretty good, but since she’s been there she is so confused and her short term memory has gotten very bad. I attributed it to the stress of the move. But I figured by now she should be adjusting. She started having trouble keeping track of her meds so now the facility is handling her med management. She is exhausted all the time, as she is getting PT and OT 4-5 x/week due to poor mobility. She can walk (with difficulty) short distances but usually they take her down to meals in a wheelchair, since it is a distance from her room.
She is not complaining or asking to come home, she realizes it’s where she needs to be. It was her decision to move there. I just wondered if this memory thing could be temporary due to the stress of moving. I was so hoping she would have an easier time there. I read other people’s posts that their parent is “thriving” in AL. That’s what I was hoping for. To me she seems to be declining.
I don't know how many will write you to say their century old parent is thriving. But I have been some years on Forum, and I doubt it will be many.
My own father, nearing his mid 90s, told me he was exhausted with life and longed only for the long- long nap as he called it. He said it was so difficult for him to get out of bed and participate. He had had a wonderful life; he had no complaints, but he longed to "go".
Many of my patients when I was an RN felt the same. They told me that they could not tell their families this because their families would not hear it, would negate every word they said. So they were left to share their truth with a virtual stranger, their RN.
You lovely Mom will not complain to you. She will likely go just as she has lived. With grace. You are so lucky to have had her all this time. My heart goes out to you BOTH.
I really doubt that it is temporary memory thing, the shade has started to draw down, nothing unusual about this at age 99.
My mother is 98 in AL, her mobility is dwindling, she is tired and at times confused, nothing serious just moments of confusion.
Her thriving days are over, it is now about safety & comfort.
Nothing in life remains constant it either gets better or worse.
Accept the decline, obviously she has.
I have written before that I believe personality plays a role. I saw many folks adjust very well. They were social and enjoyed having new friends. That was not my moms nature and that made it more difficult. She would have been happy had I been able to stay every minute with her. I was familiar and made her feel safe.
Give it time. Your mom is going to meals. (my mom would not). She may find friends that can give her new energy. I wish you well during this difficult journey.
Once a decline occurs it can take a long time to get back to "baseline" if that happens at all.
At this point I would suspect that her cognition is going to continue to decline. That could be due in part to age as well as the move.
Your grandmother is in the right place, and she is lucky to have such a loving caring grandchild. We should all be so lucky to have one person at least who doesn't want us to go. But at her age she's not going to thrive. Just keep loving her and that is the best support you can give her.
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