I'm just trying to get a sense of how much of an option it is for my 91-year-old MIL to live in an assisted-living type of situation or care facility. She has some behavior issues that may be a problem, but I don't really know how much these facilities will tolerate. We are trying to put off such a move as long as possible, but if we do go that route, we would probably have to sell her house to help pay for it, so then the move would become irreversible.
Thanks in advance for any insights you can share.
My mom was kicked out of a memory care facility. She was a danger to herself and others. She had a private caregiver that was with her as necessary over a period of a year and nine months. That became very expensive as that cost was in addition to memory care. Mom's agitation was absolutely unmanageable. Going home was not an option, it had been sold. Mom was on hospice at the time and they recommended/suggested a care home. A much smaller facility, a higher level of care, lower caregiver/resident ratio. And imagine, all residents in that home had been kicked out of their previous facility! The care home was less expensive which was a bonus.
They provided very good care for mom and would have been better for her from the very beginning. Mom's agitation? Where did it come from? She was always ready to fly off the handle. Maybe she was undiagnosed bipolar? She was definitely narcissistic. Had a history of depression. Stepdad had passed four months before mom was kicked out. Mom with Alzheimer's was far past being able to remember or understand a death. Maybe she was grieving and just knew something was off. Who knows.
On the "medically necessary care," I can't really say that we are directly providing that. There is a home health nurse who comes by each week to check on MIL, plus she has a lady who personally assists her every day for 5 hours. Medically, she's not actually in very bad shape for her age. It's the mental/behavior part that's messed up. She makes more and more horrible decisions, causing hazardous situations sometimes, or at least big messes and repairs for us to deal with (physically and financially). Plus, there are many "vultures" as I call them... circling to see when/how they can take advantage of her vulnerability. There are certain people who can talk her into anything, and they know it. So that is why we felt it necessary to move into her house.
But I have a question regarding her home. It sounds like you do not want to sell her home. Why? Are you living on it? Other family members? Or is it vacant? How are property cost being handled? Is MIL paying all property costs (taxes, insurance, utilities, etc) or are you or whomever is living there.?
I’m asking this cause I’d be concerned that she does not have the $$$ to afford a NH plus her old home for 2 - 3 years, that means she will eventually need to apply for Medicaid. If NH cost like 10k in your area, she would imo need a good 250k - 300k to be private pay. Does she have that? If not then eventually she’ll Medicaid. Medicaid will require her to be impoverished & so down to 2k in assets and then whatever her monthly income basically almost all must be paid as the required copay to the NH. She can continue to own it but no $ to pay its costs.
You really want to look at her finances and your own ablity to deal wWhy th the property costs.
Good to know about the Medicaid. Thanks for helping me think this through!
If she has income and and some assets those would be used first to pay for her care prior to Medicaid application and selling the house. Hopefully you’re in an area that has some choices regarding NH that you could start looking at. This will give you a better sense of how to proceed and the costs. And hopefully you already have POA.