I had to move my dad to assisted living and mother to memory care this past fall and now I'm stuck with cleaning the catastrophic hoarder mess out and getting it sold. I have had pretty much no help and I am so angry and resentful for being stuck with this dirty, stinky, embarrassing mess. They both were very uncaring growing up and well into my adulthood, which only adds to it. I am the only living child and so it's all mine to deal with on top of having a full time job and taking care of my own family, etc.
If they find something valuable it will be a gift to them for willingly tackling the job.
I decided on the following subsets: Trash, Auction, Charity, Take to Mom, Safety Deposit Box, Storage, and Shred. Each subset took up about half of a room in itself, and once nearly completed, I separated it by covering it with a tarp and physically separated the areas so it would be easier to keep working and separating. Storage rental is useful for "tough to let go" items, and set a time limit on how long those items can stay; the rental rates can creep up and add up over time.
Put on your business hat, and try to think of your goal in mind, which is to get everything sorted and cleared by a specific date for a reason. If you're going to sell, spring and summer are always the best times; you might have a bit of time on your side this year with the pandemic and all. Rentals tend to be hot commodities at the end of seasons, such as the end of spring, summer, fall (not so much), and winter.
Is your marriage really intact? Be careful about what your spouse sees if you have any doubt in your mind. It sounds like he isn't being helpful. I purposefully kept my spouse out of the process, because I had just asked for a divorce, and did not want him trying to claim any of my Mom's assets. It was very difficult to do it all alone, yet, four years later, I'm still glad I did not accept his help in the sorting process. He tried to go behind my back and hire a lawyer to claim ownership of some of Mom's assets, even though we had agreed to use a mediator for our divorce.
If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have bothered with an "auction" pile; it was an insult to get the little checks for months afterwards (they picked up auction items and sold them at their auction house separately). I would have ordered a roll-off trash bin from city services, instead of using 1800 got junk. They showed up in a small junk truck and charged over 400$. The only benefit there was that they lifted and dumped heavy items that I probably wouldn't have been able to lift and dump into a roll-off by myself.
Whew! Well, that's probably enough information to get you started. Hopefully, you are motivated to get through it all. Her house was worth about 330 when I took over her affairs; now it's worth nearly 500. I've also been making over 20 per year in rental income; my mother didn't have a mortgage. Do you have POA and a trust in place?
Let me know if you have questions or would like further information. Take care and think it over; this could be a blessing in disguise for you.
Its overwhelming. So I did it one room at a time. Starting with the attic and working down. It was a 4 bedroom farm house.
The very first thing I did was get rid of trash. That left the stuff to sort. Give away or keep.
Everything in the attic went. We have bulk pickup here so everything was lined up out front. Since Mom was on a main road, there were trash pickers. Then the room Mom used for storage because she couldn't get up to the attic. My sister had died 20 yrs before and Mom had her stuff. I had piles, trash and keep. For pictures I had a box for each kid. Their pictures and their family pictures went into the box with their name on it and anything I came across of theirs.
Since my disabled nephew still lived there, I sorted thru the kitchen stuff and left him what he needed. I was able to do the rest when he moved out. He took some of the furniture, the rest was thrown out. I gave things to a local thrift shop. Clothes went into clothing/shoe boxes. Brother came and got what he wanted. I did not have a yard sale. It either got thrown out or given away.
Be aware though, the house has to be sold for Market Value if u ever think Medicaid will be needed.
The guys were cooperative, but I was shocked when one pointed out where I could add a tip when they were through. I thought that was really cheeky.
I interviewed others and ended up with J-Dog, a Veteran owned company, which far and away exceeds any others I called or hired. Their crew was far more experienced and prepared for disassembling large items (a trailer, specifically) to get it in the dumpster.
Being military or having family that grew up in a military environment, they had a much broader approach, analyzed, set up a plan and implemented it. It was an operation, not just a junk removal job.
I was impressed, so much that they're the only company I'd ever hire again for that kind of job.
The last time they came, there was even an active duty Marine on leave who helped out. What other company could someone find with a solider who spends his leave helping others?
I should add that one of the companies I contacted was a well known clean-up company for a specific insurance company that hired companies for disaster cleanup. They sent out a kid to "estimate" the cost, who told me that they would have a meeting of about 8 people to decide on a plan. That sounded more like a specific large auto company operation - bogged down.
(Anyone who remembers Ross Perot would probably remember his description of how he would manage a problem vs how a bureaucratic Big 3 would handle it.)
This was the second time I had contacted that company; the first time was with a different franchise in a different area; they were OUTSTANDING! But they weren't comfortable committing to such a large project as they wanted to be available for disasters, which at the time were readily occurring.
Another disaster remediation company was more interested in cleaning out a workshop with valuable equipment. I could hear the "ka ching" ringing in his plans.
One told me what she wanted (free of course), another had his eye on a boat motor and possibly the boat (free of course), and so on. Typical approach was that the items weren't in good condition, so they'd have to be discarded anyway. (If that was, true, why would they want them?)
I turned down offers of help b/c I knew they would not be entirely free; the offering person would want to take his/her pick of what was available.
It surprised how bold and greedy some people can be.
A couple of cousins and unknown relatives came out of the woodwork (what a nice surprise!, I thought at first...). I entertained their requests, yet quickly came to my senses and brushed them off like flies at a barbeque.
For legal protection, do not allow any unlicensed people to tramp around the premises; twisted ankles, falls, kids eating lead paint, whatever you can think of... someone might try to sue. My property manager gave me the heads up on getting the swing set/slide removed. Never rent or sell a property with anything in place with which someone could come back and haunt you with a lawsuit.
You can negotiate with the real estate agents at this time; selling is in a slump; don't agree to the six percent. I hope this information has been helpful; I understand the overwhelming pain. It will get better once you have the place cleared out; you won't believe what you were capable of until you finish! Lots of good advice and information here from other posters!
Most municipalities with the garbage pick up are not taking any large items at this time and all of the places you would normally donate items to are closed.
So you are pretty much limited to bagging things for disposal, maybe getting a "Bagster" or ordering a Dumpster.
And also unfortunately you are in a position where gloves, masks and other protective equipment you should use is not readily available.
So for now do a little at a time, don't stress because there is not much you can do to speed up the clean out.
Once restrictions have been lifted maybe the easiest thing to do would be to get in one of the "Junk removal" companies and just let them clear everything out.
By the way the cost for a Bagster, Dumpster or the Junk removal people should NOT be paid by you but come from your fathers account.
And as long as none of the items holds any sentimental value having someone else clear out things might be the best way to go.
With MIL my BIL, POA, was at my MILs house with other BIL and wives. They invited neighbors over for drinks. They had been good to my MIL. One couple asked to buy some furniture and price was agreed on. Other neighbor said nothing. Had even stood out in front of the house talking to BIL alone. BIL hired a woman to run an estate sale. He gave her a list of what one couple had purchased. My in-laws went back to their homes in other states and left the estate lady on her own. No sooner did my in-laws leave, and the 2 neighbors were back asking for stuff that they had not purchased saying MIL had promised it to them. Estate lady looked at the list BIL gave her and said the family had left no orders. Just what they had bought. The one neighbor insisted that his daughter was promised a bedroom suite for helping to clean. Sorry, MIL promised a lot of people things. Estate lady stood her ground. This was the neighbor who had been talking to BIL earlier and never said anything about a bedroom suite.
And...he claimed to be a devout Christian.
They come out of the woodwork.
The truth always comes out.
She was told she should ask me first, so the other neighbor called me and I spoke with the would be thief. She just said she had seen the flowers, liked them and was just going to dig some up for herself. There was no mention of my father's death, plans for the house, or just plain honesty.
I told her I'd think about the issue and call her, which I never did. If it wouldn't been a nuisance for police, I would have reported her for attempted larceny of plants. But I would never burden law enforcement with something like that.
Another neighbor continued to use the concrete pad Dad created for his truck, despite having been asked in writing not to do so. Earlier this year I noticed that he had driven past the pad, front of his truck must have been on the grass, and deep ruts had been created.
If he hasn't fixed and filled the ruts by the next time I go out, I plan to find (if I can) some posts and a chain to create a blockade.
It's hard enough to lose a family member, to deal with the post-death asset disposition issues, but to have to deal with inconsiderate, selfish idiots is perhaps the worst.
This factor, probably more than any other, is the motivating factor to just get things resolved and move forward with my life. But now, there's the virus and it won't be possible to even have my favorite contractor return to help.
Sure, there was a lot of ick finding mouse droppings and corpses in cupboards. I also found myself feeling so sorry for the loss of the hopes and dreams that certain things represented. It was sad seeing the evidence of their mental and physical decline.
All that being true, it was very cathartic cleaning things out and getting the house sold. I suggest you be watchful, I found a lot of money, valuable, and documents hidden away. I also hired an auction company to sell pretty much everything that wasn’t trash.
So all I will add, is to please make sure you take care of yourself, be kind to yourself, get some supportive counselling if you think it would help, eat well, take vitamins to keep your energy up, and know that it will come to an end.
A wonderful man, who helped me with with some of the essential repairs to make my parents' house safe for sale, said to me one day, "always always remember, for every problem there is a solution". He was a big big man, and said it to me in such a tender way... and it just helped me so much.
Big hug to you.