Has anyone successfully implemented self care?

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Has anyone successfully implemented self care?

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I’ve found that I have much less energy to give in other aspects of life like my research or programs I manage at a nonprofit. Once I stop being able to speak competently in full sentences, I know I’m close to burn out, and it can take weeks of relaxing and doing nothing to feel normal.

Obviously, I’d like to avoid this. Websites are full of self care advice, and yes, meditation, baths, massages, yoga... all sound lovely. But most are not what I can see myself actually doing, especially long term, to keep myself healthy. I keep my mornings low key and try to sleep in. I regularly pray. I try to be gentle with myself. But, it’s not enough. Watching movies and scrolling Pinterest does not seem to help.

Has anyone successfully added self care to their routine? What you do?

Burnout Family Caregiver Respite Sacrifice

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I feel really awkward after posting this question. I guess I’m just trying to do too much by keeping up my work and volunteering. But, I get a lot out of doing these things. If I could only keep it in balance.

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Sometimes you find the answer by talking it out. If it's of value to you, keep doing it. We get choosier about how to spend our time as we get older and realize we have less of it. It was a good question.

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All the things like warm baths, music, etc. only help me a little. Only two things really work for me--because they occupy my mind enough that I eventually forget the ten zillion things I need to be doing. (I've found that once I've been able to turn off the never-ending thoughts and worries inside my head for a while, it's easier to do other self-care things.)

One of these things is a long binge of reading (sort of like the equivalent of streaming a whole season of tv shows at one time). And if you can cover up with a soft throw so you are warm and cozy, it works even better. I can stew and fret while watching tv or a movie, but not while reading.

The other thing that works is doing jigsaw puzzles. I get so involved in finding the next piece that I'm amazed how much time passes. And I'm also amazed at how much calmer my whole body feels.

And it's not just me that puzzles work for. Back when DH had aides coming into the home, one of the things they did was work on puzzles with him. They started with being resentful at doing them, and the next thing we knew they were showing off puzzles they had bought to do at home. And more than once an aide clocked out when her shift was over, and stayed so she could finish the puzzle they were working on!

Sorry this is so long, but one other thing that helps me is writing things out. I can type fast, so my fingers move too quickly to really censor myself, and sometimes after writing for a while I'll look at the computer screen and think--wow, where did that come from? And it's exactly what I need to know or understand or take care of right at that time. I recommend the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. She talks about the benefits of doing "morning pages", where you write about whatever comes to mind. She recommends three freehand pages every morning. But I've had good results on the computer. And I've found that if I do this every day for a couple of weeks, I feel much lighter, solutions to things start to appear, and my thinking is clearer.

When all else fails... Years ago, when I was first a caregiver, I went to a seminar where the speaker talked about going to his exercise class to help burn off stress from caregiving. He said one day he was so agitated that at certain really active parts of the class, he started yelling. And he said that in just a minute, the whole class was yelling right along with him! Sometimes quiet and peaceful just isn't enough.

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Yelling works for me, too. I remember when my mom was still living with me and I was under constant stress, I would go inside the van, shut the door and screamed.

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For me, a 15 minute exercise routine usually does me good. While I work out, my mind gets a mental break. After the workout, my body feels invigorating, and I feel like I can tackle almost any task. Is this my routine? Well, not quite, but I'm trying...

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Don’t feel bad ... the answers helped me too. When I’m most tired or down from the burden of caregiving, it’s hard to imagine doing these self-care activities, so trying new ideas is always helpful.

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Being a full-time caregiver is a job in itself. Always having to "be there" for someone else is exhausting. And, your are probably handling things your DH used to do. Making all the decisions, that in one way is nice but in another...it would be so nice to have someone else do it.

Actually nice that you have outside interests. Not sure of your age, but we do get where we just can't do what we used to. I wouldn't give up everything but I may cut back.

Realize too that you may not be able to care for DH longterm. Since you were a professor you may want to protect your assets. Medicaid allows for a Community Spouse and splitting of assets. Your DHs split being spent down when the time comes he needs more care than you can give. You may want to consult with a lawyer very versed in your state Medicaid to see what you can do now.

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I have been involved in intense family caregiving for over a years. The one thing I have found that is the most helpful to me is girlfriends, especially those who are currently involved in caregiving or who have been and understand me before I even have to explain how I feel. This does not necessarily require lunch dates, Trips, movies, etc., although these are great. It can be as simple as texts, telephone calls and the one thing I have found most helpful is to have a fellow caregiver as a walking buddy.

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You recently moved to LA? There must be many options there, anything. Book clubs, yoga classes, bridge or mahjong clubs. Would you be more successful if doing things for yourself with a group?

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Coloring books for adults? Simple crafts that can occupy your mind? Trying new recipes?

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I've never been able to successfully self-care. Brief vacations, either by myself or with my husband, worked for me in the short term, but as time went on and my mother required even more intense caregiving, the beneficial effect of getting away became very short-lived.

It's difficult to find some kind of stress-relieving activity if you've never really had hobbies, or aren't a very social person - that's me! The only other things that helped were to sit and write - either on my blog, or working on my book that I eventually self-published - or work with my photography. They're the two things I've always loved to do since I was very young, and they did give me peace, but it was difficult to maintain that serenity with the many interruptions for care duties throughout the day.

Now that Mom is in long term care, I'm able to do more of the things I enjoyed in my pre-caregiver life, like a little bit of gardening, getting out of the house to do a nature shoot, or doing research for my next literary masterpiece 😉. Even so, the caregiving has not really ended - were I able to visit Mom on a consistent basis, my life would have some structure now, and I'd be able to monitor her care much more closely, but the facility is still locked down due to the COVID and it seems that there is even more worry than before.

I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer with my tales of woe - just wanted you to know that if you're searching for self-care options and can't seem to find anything that's a good fit, you're not alone.

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Long walks on the beach and swimming in the ocean helps me!! Also reading books after books keeps my mind occupied. I feel
for you!
You must have time for you!
Good luck!

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Hey, both my parents have now passed - but when I was taking care of both of them (cancer and heart/kidney disease), along with working, three kids, three dogs and two parrots, I stayed sane on a daily basis by mindlessly driving away. Anywhere, didn't matter where. The act of getting in the car and just getting away from the house somehow kept me above water - I am a social person - and did indeed lean on girlfriends, I have hobbies, a hubby, not afraid of all the typical "self-care suggestions" - but in the end, the thought of doing many of these required more energy than I could muster. I thought - i really want to escape - just straight up run away. And so I would. After years with a mini van, I had bought an old convertible and I would "run away" - driving down neighborhood streets, getting on the highway, whatever worked for me. Like LA, the traffic in Atlanta is horrific, so I would most often pick back streets that I knew were visually interesting (although I'm not sure I really cared) Sometimes I would take a kid with me, but it really evolved into mom's time alone. I think this habit saved my life. Seriously. I hope you find your thing. But yes, self-care ideas - at the time - just made me more tired.

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Walk regularly and keep on walking. It’s the BEST form of exercise and benefits every major system in the body.

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I would recommend first paying attention to the basics:
7-8 hours of uninterrupted sleep,
3 nutritious meals that have the full complement of proteins, carbs, fat and vitamins,
about 2 liters of fluids - no caffeine - daily
some exercise that gets all the major muscles moving: walking. dancing, housework...

Try that for a week or 2. If you find that your still are having troubles, consider whether stress may be a problem.
Prayer, meditation, reading faith materials (I like the Bible) may help you feel connected with the Divine.
Make time for connections with other people daily. We all have differing needs for "me time" versus "we time." Consider trying to find your sweet spot on that metric.
Make time for play. Everybody needs to have fun things to do and look forward to. Try to incorporate a "Sabbath" - 1 day of the week to NOT work but spend in rest and recreation. Get a few additional hours snuck into the week to get more "R & R."

If a couple of weeks of basics and stress management don't change your energy levels, it is time to visit your doctor. Depression is the common cold of mental health issues. Also sneaky issues with hormones can also give you that "dragging feeling." I suggest start with a visit to a medical doctor whose practice is based on research and who keeps up to date. He/she can do a good physical and usually find root physical causes for your energy loss. He/She can also make a consult for good psychiatric care if mental health is a concern.

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I try to take a walk everyday. Just 15 minutes. Other days read a book or if you like an arts and craft like coloring or paint my numbers. If you are into dancing try a Zumba class or dancing to the oldies on your computer. It doesn’t matter what it is as long as you enjoy it. I never meditated but I sometimes for 10 minutes follow a free app on my phone. It helps relax you. Hope something here peaks your interest.

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Funny, but I just read this quote by Sylvester McNutt:

"If you're a giver always looking out for others, always feeling drained because you break yourself so others can stay together, take a break from it. Add self-love and peace to your life first."

For me, self-care means taking a break; going on a vacation or even a stay-cation where no phone visits with my mother are allowed. Taking a break means taking a mental break from the 24/7 mental stress that goes along with all of this, and THAT is what's hard to do. The only thing that gives my mind some well deserved rest is not talking or interacting with my mother at ALL for a few days or a week or two at a time. Before the plague hit, DH and I would go on a vacation to Europe for 2 weeks at a pop where there was NO contact with the real world. That was my only reprieve, honestly. Now that we don't have that opportunity, I believe DH and I 'are going away for the weekend' this coming Friday and won't be back till Monday, if you catch my drift.

Wishing you the best of luck trying to figure out how to take YOUR break from all of it.

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I struggle mightily to put myself first. BUT, I have come to realize that if I don't, then I have no energy, physical or mental for others.

I had cancer last year and am still recovering. My follow up treatment exhausts me for days afterward and I am forced to rest and sleep a lot for about a week.

I've learned to not overbook myself and to say 'no'.

I 'divorced' my toxic MIL. I will never speak to her again, and that is fine.

I'm estranged from my own mother as she is the worst trigger for my anxiety and depression. I see her only when I chose to and only for as long as I want.

I'm slowly dejunking our home in the hopes that DH will be more amenable to us moving to a 'retirement friendly' home.

I sleep when I am tired and don't try to be superwoman.

I'm prayerful and adhere to my religious beliefs.

I try to not let COVID and the nation's craziness affect me. (This is HARD!)

I finally got properly dxed with a mild heart condition--which I have been treating now for a week and already feel better---

I give service when I can but not to the point of exhaustion.

Realized through all this, I do way too much for others. And when you do things for someone who didn't want the help--they aren't grateful, nor should you expect them to be.

At age 64, I'm STILL trying to figure this all out!!

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Your reply was a boost of practical advice/hope I needed, Midkid58 : ) I'm also a midkid, am 65+ now, and 'STILL trying to figure this all out!' : )

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First and foremost, you need to stop and think about the things that you enjoyed doing before your situation changed. Try to find a little bit of time to do those things. For example, I loved to dance or go for a walk. Going dancing was out of the question....just no time. However, I found that if I put on the music I loved and danced while doing my laundry or even cooking it rejuvenated me some. I couldn't really leave my dad alone to go for a walk. But he loved sitting in the back yard and watching the birds. I would sit him in the yard and then walk the perimeter of the yard so I could also be in view of him. If you like to read, take a longer bubble bath and read while relaxing. I hope this helps you start. Even the slightest bit of "achievable" moments that you can put in regardless of how small....goes a LONG way. Hang in there!

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I have tried various self help and they all fall short of Christ care.

Jesus loves you, Jesus cares about you. He is just a prayer away. Joseph a son of Jehovah
I have lived a very challenging life and would never had made it without His help.

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Just started. I joined the local Y and attended a few Zumba Gold classes. I’m 62...and one of the youngest!! Just seeing
these older women joining in made me
feel better. Apparently some of them have been doing this class for years!! I swear a few looked at
least 80!!! I called my doctor today and got some referrals for counseling...I am experiencing general anxiety that I have never experienced before. I am feeling like I need to do something NOW! I went through cancer treatment 10 years ago...was a caretaker to my husband who died 5 years ago...2 years ago I made a huge positive change in my life’s work—a childhood dream job of being an educator overseas...and then was guilt tripped to come back to care for my parents ...who really only need some assistance (but dad didn’t like paying for it). And then C19 happened. I have felt so trapped...not only physically...but emotionally as well. My anxiety over my own life’s journey is rendering me almost incapable of making life decisions. Thankfully my parents’ care isn’t much more than oversight, driving, and cooking dinner. However with the loss of income it’s added anxiety to what will happen to me! Soooooo....I have managed to pull myself together enough to make a few phone calls and start at the Y. I know self-care is important...but sometimes it is hard to push myself to do what I know I need to do!!

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Imho, I have had to learn how to not take on too much at my age, which is probably much older than yourself. I used to take on a lot of my age of 73 and 1/2. It's hard for me to say "no."

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Self care is so very important for us caregivers. Praying meditating simple stretches listening to music even dancing all help. We also need to create boundaries so the person we are taking care of doesn’t enter without our permission. I have learned not to react to certain things my mother says and do. She is elderly and homebound. She is bipolar for most of my life. It can be draining and toxic at times. So I needed to self care immediately. Whatever works for you...walking even playing video games... it helps if the family member doesn’t live with you too. If they do, a home attendant to help you is wonderful because everyone needs their time alone.

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Balanced diet, moderate exercise and getting enough sleep is all I need to feel normal. One day I hope to get it. Oh, and once in awhile doing something I used to enjoy like taking a day trip somewhere, cooking a new dish, calling up an old friend just to chat, pleasure reading, etc. Something that doesn't require a lot of effort but is sufficiently distracting escapism.

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I have known about the importance of exercise for many years and have done it. I try to go to a fitness club 3 days a week, wearing a mask now, of course. I have been diagnosed with arthritis in every joint, so I am using lighter weights with slow movements to maintain some muscles and not stress the joints. I see no advantage to becoming weak as I age (now 77). Research has shown that even weight lifting is good for the brain and who doesn't want a good brain as we age? I use leg machines for the heavier weights legs can handle. When done with the muscle building/maintenance, I shower and head to the indoor pool for my aerobic work out. I can no longer walk the track or around the block without my hips hurting, but I can do a variety of step routines, running, etc. in the pool and nothing hurts there. When I get all done, I weigh myself in the locker room with no clothes on to see how I am doing. Too many treats equals more pounds. I try to eat a healthy lunch afterwards with protein to go to the muscle needs. But also fruit and low fat yogurt with walnuts mixed in. It is working. I have had a quadruple bypass in 2005, carotid artery clean-out in 2009, cancerous prostate gland removal in 2013--each time a "one and done."
In cardio therapy after the heart bypass operation, they kept telling us about the importance of exercising. I already believed that, they just had to hold me back from doing too much too soon. I had been exercising regularly for years before the by-pass operation (going to a 6 a.m. step aerobics class, showering and then heading to work), but had developed sleep apnea, which can lead to clogged arteries. I got my first CPAP machine in March of 2005, but the damage was done, which led to my quadruple by-pass in December of 2005.

I asked my cardiologist if I could take another stress test in 2017 to see how I was doing. Everything they could test seemed very good. Healthy diet, good sleep and exercise is a wonderful combination for good physical and mental health. All my ancestors have died of heart attacks or strokes, so that is part of my genetic heritage to have than tendency, but none of them did what i am doing or had access to the procedures available to us now.

I am responsible for a friend in memory care as his power of attorney. He is 93 and shooting for 100, physically healthy, but no short term memory. He wants me to live as long as he does at least. I always tell him I am working on that. And I do want to be around for my grandkids, age 8 and 5 and continue my married life now at 55 years.

Start with simple things, like walking, and gradually scale it up by adding a few stretches and weight lifting, It takes time, but the muscles do respond. With that comes better balance and overall good feeling.

Best of luck to you.

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I lived with my folks for about eight weeks after my dad was diagnosed with cancer. My mother had dementia and other issues, and Dad died within six weeks.

I didn't even do it intentionally, but I found I just wrote down everything that had happened each day in a spiral school notebook. I did it mostly because I have a terribly memory of what went on the day before, so I needed to keep track of what the doctors were telling us about Dad, dealing with appointments, hospice, and Mom's issues. I found I was just unloading everything on those pages each night before going to bed, and it really helped. I also carried that thing with me everywhere I went in case something just needed to be off-loaded.

I've never been one for journaling or writing down my deepest thoughts, but as I said, unloading every night made it easier for me to at least get a decent night's sleep without worrying about everything all night.

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Resetting your balance however is key.

I think someone in a caregroup recognized my stress. Well it was hard to miss when at the first meeting I literally cried when describing my frustrations. She was kind enough to recommend that I be on a waitlist for a caregiver respite. A former caregiver donated a spa treatment and two nights at a nice hotel along with an allowance for food. This was something I suppose I could have done for myself but literally this self care package had to be given to me for me to realize how important it was to reset. I almost cancelled out because I was not ready to leave. Arranging for a substitute and all the organizational tasks was exhausting in itself. The new experience and feeling of a mini vacation allowed me to feel me again. I vowed to relive this spa at home somehow while caregiving.

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wine :( :) not sure...

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water... my friend told me water, lemon, and green macha tea works wonders.... how hard is that? she has eye issues, that seems to help her...

I need to implement this more...

sounds weird, but I like to float... face down, hold my breath, let the body --- relax... my lungs are not as strong as they used to be,,,, so I come up more often for breath,,, but just floating, body 99% relaxed... feels good. perhaps I will buy a snorkel.. water is .....

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Has anyone successfully implemented self care?

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