At some point sooner or later, MIL will cease her life here on this earth and I will have to pretend to be saddened by her passing. I will have to be worth of an Oscar, though, because I will not be saddened at all.
She was admitted to the hospital two days ago with what they "think is a kidney stone", but they haven't decided even yet what to do about it. She has diabetes and her sugar readings are always high lately, even on consistent medications and insulin. She is refusing to eat at the hospital and is very, very weak now. She hasn't kept any food down since early last Saturday.
I've had two days now of complete relaxation and it feels great. They can keep her there for a month and I would appreciate it a lot. My house is quiet with the oxygen concentrator turned off and the oscillating fan turned off, her TV turned off. Things seem normal again for a few minutes.
It sounds like you are in a semi-rural area with the goats, dogs? Question would be what your Mother-in-law's financial situation is and your husband's emotional approach on her care?
Would her finances/he allow her to be moved into a care facility where he, and the rest of the family including you when you are all ready, can visit her?
Besides Commercial Care Facilities, there are Bed and Breakfast style Private Residential Care Homes around the Country, mostly run by health care professionals like Nurses and Doctors, you may want to look into for care in a "Real Home" setting, if a commercial facility is not something she or your husband want for her.
Send me a message if you want me to share some websites you can do searches on.
If this is not an option, is there an additional separate living space, or can one be constructed for her to live within the homestead and have a live-in caregiver? If finances do not allow for your family to pay caregiver, you can look at a barter option for room/board and some pay for caregiver - which varies from state-to-state, and individuals/care-giver's situation.
You will need to check backgrounds, etc., of-course. You can list your caregiver needs on Craigslist or sites like Care.com
I hope this may be of help, because you still need to take care of yourself and the rest of your family even as you care for an elder member of the family. This may also afford her and the rest of the family the ability for all to carry on with their individual day-to-day living without adversely affecting each other.
All the best!
Please extend some of that compassion you are always bragging about to fellow caregivers whose situations you know nothing about but whose decisions you are always eager to pronouce judgment on. Or, just go away.
But, I'm worried about my husband now instead. His father had internal bleeding they couldn't locate and he bled to death. I'm sure this is on his mind constantly. I was told by a close relative that I had "earned my place in Heaven" by taking care of MIL. I don't think so. If I had a better attitude about it, maybe so. Maybe I had a better attitude a couple of years ago, I can't remember. It's been so stressful so long, it all runs together now. If it's time for her to leave this life, then may she go in peace. If not, then I pray for a few more days rest to gather up some more strength to keep going.
Thank you so much for your concern and good wishes. It means so much to know there are others who really know how it is even when those closest to you should and don't and pretty much don't seem to care a bit about how it affects you at all.
She told my husband that her own doctor hasn't made a hospital visit to her yet. I'm sure he is billing Medicare for a daily hospital visit, though. We will keep an eye on his charges this time, for sure.
With her gone, I did too much trying to get everything done and I hurt my back somehow. I've had IcyHot patches on my back for three days now and I think I'll buy some more and do it again.
It's sad to think, though, that even though I've had a week or eight, or maybe even I might get nine days without her, the very minute the guerney enters this house with her, it will all come back, and having this time off will not have made much difference. It made a difference these last few days while I was enjoying them and I am so grateful for it, but already, I am feeling the stress of expecting her home. I really just need her out of my life for good.
There's a wonderful rehab facility here and she qualifies to go there but my husband wouldn't let her go because she has a heart condition. Her doctor even said "Her heart is shot". DH says PT will kill her. I tried PT at home and just swinging her legs exhausted her. We had a therapist, paid by Medicare, come to our home, and raising her arms and swinging her legs just exhausted her and she slept for hours afterwards. I was supposed to continue her excercises with her--five at a time, each leg and each arm. She would do two or three and say she couldn't do any more and absolutely wouldn't do any more. Just going to the potty exhausts her. How she is still alive baffles me. I
This is an update about MIL:
I called her doctor's office awhile ago and was told he hasn't visited her because he wasn't the admitting doctor. They don't know who admitted her. The hospital won't talk to me because I don't have a PIN number, but they think the "Hospitalist" is treating her. That's all they would tell me.