My Dad wants to go home desperately. He is in a wheelchair and needs 24/7 care. He has threatend suicide many time out of deperation. It tears my heart apart but I cannot go back to getting him hime again. I kept him out of the nursing home for 2 years doing personal care and all the meds and scheduling when I cant be there. It is only me with no other family members help and I just cannot do that again. He is on MA and can get some services but not 24/7. I am burnt out and he just is so insistant. He is of sound mind and his own person so if he says to the nursing home call a cab they have to. Although they will call me first. How can I help him accept that he wont be going home?
He knew he would not want to leave and it would be harder on him. My dads mind is totally there yet. He is struggling with all of this and is torn between the two because he knows that he is in a very nice nursing home. "It just isn't home." I have the same conversation with him everytime I see him and I try to change the subject as often as I can. He will say well may be I will go home next weekend or don't be surprised if you see me wheeling down the driveway. I just know that I cannot go back to taking care of him at home again. I am his last hope because he knows I am the only one who can make it all happen. Dad will be 90 years old in august. I hope he can find some way to accept this.
Nobody wanted forty year old couches and fifty year old mattresses. Not even the junk pickers took stuff from the front of her house.
Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Carol
Groovy1
So groovy1, you just keep doing what you're doing and stay groovy. ok?!
xo
-SS
We can't make anyone accept anything. They either will or they won't. All you can do is be there for him as it dawns on him that he won't be going home again. You've done a good job as his caregiver, just try to give a little bit more until your dad is reconciled to the fact that he has to stay there.
It's ok to tell him that you can't care for him anymore, that he needs more care than you can provide and you want him to have that.
If he's in a wheelchair no one is going to call him a cab much less make sure he gets into one. But I understand his defiance. I saw my dad behave the same way at one point. The situation wasn't the same but the desperate threats were the same.
You're not responsible for making sure your dad accepts this new life. You can be supportive, be his cheerleader, help him adjust, but ultimately he will have to come to some kind of acceptance on his own, in his own way, in his own time.