Mom, 87, lives on her own with very limited funds. My father passed some six years ago. I live over 60 miles from her. During the last six years she has taken advantage of friends, church, sisters and her children and grandchildren by asking for cash or services. She is in a bind with credit card companies and is upside down on her mortgage. The bank doesn't want the house back so has re-mortgaged her home and equity loans. She recently called her brother-in-law, my uncle, and he sent her $500.00. Her physical health is fair, she still drives, but her mental health has always been in question -- untreated bipolar since she was a teenager (according to her sisters). Now, she wants to move in with me and my husband. I've told her no, that I couldn't care for her, but would help her find a place she could afford. She said I wasn't compassionate and hung up on me -- our usual conversation ending. At this point, I don't know what to do.
Your mom is 87 years old, possibly bipolar (mental illness), probably untreated, and financially insolvent and historically incompetent in that regard. She does need help because leaving her to her own devices is not a recipe for her suddenly becoming either competent or solvent. Not helping her means there is a good chance she will end up homeless and then victimized and then tragically dead, another sad statistic.
That's probably not what you want for your mom. But it doesn't mean you have to take her into your home. Help her to find the resources she needs. Be a guide and support to her, as others here have suggested. There are other options for her than begging and using people, she just doesn't know what they are.
Blessings to you and to her going forward.
You care or you wouldn’t be asking about how to deal with this. Consider this affirmation of what you already decided was best. You are correct in not wanting to open the door to a nightmarish situation.
A geriatric social worker can help your mother - and you or anyone else in your family who wants to be involved - examine your mother's needs and determine how to pay for services. They will assist your mother in applying for needed services and deal with problems as they arise. They also can help your mother fill out various other kinds of paperwork including advance directives.
Gerontological social workers will assess your mother's functional capacity. They have some expertise in recognizing the difference between normal and abnormal aging processes and will refer your mother to medical professionals as necessary.
Basically, a geriatric social worker can get the things done for your mother that you can't because your mother won't let you. Your mother needs professional help because there are many things wrong in her life, and emotions (both yours and hers) get in the way and cloud judgment.