How can I get help with my hoarding uncle who lives with me? My landlord is trying to evict me for the hazard his room creates.

First - search for another apartment. If necessary, save for 2 months deposit, complete the application BEFORE the eviction locks you out of a future rental. Rent a 1 bedroom unit. Sorry uncle no room for you.

Review your lease in the evictions section. Find out if the landlord has a choice to evict 1 of you OR if he/she must evict both you. I recall when gong to school many years ago, our leases said everyone within the apartment would be evicted. Even if you can stay, depending upon how stressed you are with the landlord, it may be more peaceful to move to a place not associated with so much stress. PLUS your uncle would not know where you lived and less likely to disturb you.

If you signed the lease, (lessee) you accepted responsibility for the actions of you, any co-tenants, and ALL your personal visitors. Remember - in his mental state he may not even understand this!

How does he get to the market to buy groceries? I hope your uncle does not use your car - remember you are still responsible for his actions because you are the owner/insured. He gets into an accident in your car - you are suddenly party of claims, lawsuits and added stress. If you live at different addresses it will be harder for him to get the keys to use your car.

Landlords have safety and insurance concerns in addition to the cost of evictions. At minimum, adjoining neighbors are also at risk due to your uncles behaviors. Lack of cleanliness eventually leads to pest control issues likely to creep into adjoining units. Trash is a fire hazard for neighbors as well. I think if your situation gets bad enough, the landlord really has no choice but to evict you.

In addition to the mental toll this takes on you, your physical health can get quite compromised in this environment. You will be exposed to allergens like dust and mold, and insect or rodent feces. You are just as endangered when it comes to fire and trip hazards. Do you deserve to take the fall with him?

In the mean time seek information from county services, and local mental health organizations so you can be better prepared to deal with a hospital's care team to get him placed into the appropriate living arrangement.

As soon as 911 ambulance take him to the hospital ER, don't take him home upon discharge. Between the moment of admission and release do not come pick him up. If he can not be released independently, they will have to find a place for him. Even if they say COVID or something else makes placements hard. It's now on them to manage his physical/mental status and his place of residence.

Tell the hospital he needs to live in a special home and that you can not do it anymore. You're done. Move on without him. Save your health and sanity.
Minimize your financial loss - not covering the costs of a bad co-tenant will also destroy your credit and ability to rent in the future.

I am a member of a FB page where we are all adult children of hoarders. My late mother was the hoarder. It was a level 5 by the time she died. (There is in fact an official scale used by hoarding therapists.) Hoarders have been known to physically attack family members who try to get rid of their stuff. Be careful. You have gotten a lot of good advice, but you have to figure out how to legally extricate yourself or him.

Get a video and in the video, let him know he's being recorded! Have a notary there and have him sign a contract giving him 72 hours to clean up the room! You know that it's not going to be done, so start the eviction process! Remember, a picture says a thousand words! Video his room and your area of the house! If you don't evict him, you can say goodbye to any chance you have of getting another place to live! The state keeps records of prior evictions and because of him, your family faces homelessness! Do this ASAP before you get evicted! Let the landlord know that you are doing this! That's the best advice I have to offer! God bless you and good luck!

Evict your uncle. He won’t change. Hoarders rarely can be helped because they don’t see it as a problem. Let him suffer his own consequences.

I apologize if this sounds harsh, but you said you are RENTING, and I will tell you like it is as a landlord. I don't blame your landlord wanting to evict you because you do not have a right to trash their property. It is still their property. Paying rent does not give the renter a license to trash the place and you can forget about getting your deposit back--it is going to cost a fortune to clean up the garbage. And you will get a bad reference.

KICK HIM OUT...or you will get kicked out too. I know it is difficult to evict someone but that ends up as part of your permanent record which future landlords can access if it requires a court order to evict you. Court orders are public records anybody can access it and landlords will look.

Imho, an individual with a hoarding disorder suffers from mental illness. He will require a psychiatrist and major help as he won't change overnight or at all unless he seeks help. Prayers sent.

Hoarding is a form of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. He needs help from a psychiatrist. Since he is creating an unsafe and unhealthy environment for himself and you, he needs to go for inpatient psychiatric evaluation and treatment. While he is there, you can get the majority of his room cleared out. He will probably throw a fit that you got rid of his "things" but you need to take care of it before you lose your home. If he starting hauling things back in, call Adult Protective Services so they can help you (and him) get him placed into a residential facility.

Is your uncle competent? Can he live by himself? If so, YOU move out. Hoarding is a mental illness. If he doesn't think he has a problem then he WON'T change. My mother was a hoarder at 96 and NEVER changed.

My mother owned her own house and nobody lived with her and she was competent, so I was told there was NOTHING i could do about it. Competent people can live any way they want.

YOU take care of you and YOU move out. Let your uncle suffer the consequences if he is a competent man with mental illness. He will get kicked out and have to find another place to live.

You can't change someone who doesn't think there is a problem.

Kick him out.

I agree, you can not allow this situation to stand. While it is harder to evict someone, it's not impossible, especially when it's considered a health hazard.

Set house rules.
1. Room must be cleaned up by him or who he hires within 5 days.
2. Stuff in the trash cans stays in the trash.
3. No Food, none in his bedroom at any time.
4. For every 1 collected item that goes into his room 2 items come out and discarded.
5. You are allowed to inspect room as needed and take any remedial actions.

He either lives by these rules or moves out.

I agree hoarding is an illness. Seek out help with social services; elder agency, protective services whoever you can contact who can assist you. When he cries victim, you can always tell him what my mother told me growing up - "Whoever said life is fair." This doesn't mean you can have compassion for him, but you have to stand your ground or look for new living situation for yourself.

"Hoarding is a mental illness". Get professional help "therapy" for him. Whatever you have done verbally and physical help does not bring"change" as you well know. He has a different "mind-set". It is great you are at the end of your rope. That is the beginning of your getting your personal needs met.
I think the shrink will advise placement where the staff knows how to control his invironment while he gets therapy for his mind. If you have a caregiver mentality and have a need to continue care...."help" will be by professionals who will advise every thing you need for support. Get started with Karen the care advisor.

If you do not want to be evicted, either he or you need to clean it up and dump or you may well be evicted.

Who's name is on the lease? If yours, tell him it needs to be cleaned up (you help or get helpers, as his expense; do not rely on saying 'it needs to be cleaned up and leave it at that). Give him a date when you or others will be there to 'help' him. If he says NO, can you give him an eviction notice?

Why are you putting up with this?
Hoarding is a disease.
He obviously does not take care of his health, nor care. He is taking needed emergency resources away from those who need them (in your community).

What is stopping you from 'putting your foot down,' and making decisions? Setting boundaries with him?

Of course this situation will have several adverse effects on your physical and emotional health, as you say. Why are you allowing this? Love yourself enough to do what you need to do.

Why is he living with you? Is this what you want?

It sounds like there are other sides of this scenario that we haven't heard.
I believe you know already what many of us are saying here. For your well being, I hope you make some decisions and set boundaries.

You tell him that landlord is going to put you out if it is not cleaned up. When he plays victim, just say 'that may be true, HOWEVER here is the rules and say again it has to be cleaned up'. If he doesn't have the energy, he will need to hire someone to do the work by XX date (have a person's name/phone number willing to do the job and price ready to give him).

Explain that paramedics coming because he creates his own diabetic issues is going to get adult protective called about you because of condition of room that they see when they come and overall health issues that seem to happen over and over. You don't want to get in trouble with adult protective or the landlord, so he must change his ways.

New rules - no more food in the bedroom. Must be cleaned each day before it gets out of hand and he doesn't have energy to clean a big mess. Sweets must be controlled to control blood sugar. If he can't or won't do these things, he will need to go to nursing home (if medically eligible) or find another place to live on his own. Living on his own will create the same problems he has now and if his next landlord puts him out, and he has no where to go, what will be the plan?

If there is any family, whatsoever, see if they can help you with intervention family meeting.

Question: what is his mental status? Is there any dementia involved? If there is dementia involved then you might have a mental health assessment made by a licensed professional. This will answer the question: “Does he have the “capacity” to act within a safe and responsible way of life?” If you cannot get him to cooperate with an assessment you could call Adult Protective services to assess his level of capacity for safety. It may be necessary to have him involuntary committed to a home if behavioral therapy does not work.
This isn’t easy. I had to do this with my parents. As a clinical social worker, it helps to have a group of professionals and family/friends to address the situation and do an intervention if possible. If he can’t change with therapy, I see that you have little choice.

If he is living with you, I am assuming he is in YOUR home. That means he has to live by certain rules or you have to remove him. Here is what I would do. First of all, I would sit him down and in strong language set down the rules and the boundaries. Tell him ONE TIME ONLY you will get help to clean up his room. That means it has to be cleaned out from A to Z and he must maintain it after that and if he does not, he will have to be forced to leave. Then I would go and get help no matter how he rants and raves and clean the room. If you don't do this, you can be sure the authorities will step in and perhaps do something to you as it is your home - and heaven help you. This shows them you are trying to correct the problem and will be in your favor. Second of all, is it possible to take over as his Power of Attorney so you can control the finances? Tell him under no circumstances can any food be kept in his room. Monitor what he is eating and don't keep "bad" food available to him. And start thinking and exploring what you can do with him if he must leave your home. Check with local professionals and the doctor for information - you cannot allow this to continue. Once the patient is damaging you and causing harm to YOU, then YOU must act at once to do something. It is possible that you will have to remove him and place him somewhere so start looking into this especially if he has dementia which I think he does have. To live like that is disgusting and cannot ever be tolerated - never!

I am so sorry for what you are going through and the stress and toll it is taking on you. Hoarding is a terrible ...well, in my eyes it is an illness, an emotional illness. And the repercussions impact so many in so many different ways, some of which you highlighted. The hoarding may have started with something horrible having happened in his life...losses, trauma....who knows, and not necessarily your job to figure out, but there are some books out there on the topic (you can google it at Amazon, see which are the best and then get them used or at your library?) I would lower your expectations and not expect to make progress...not alone. Your uncle is in need of help. In our area we have I believe it's called the Hoarding task force. I don't know how well it's done by people but it is resource for those looking for help. My guess is he may be depressed which would explain the loss of energy. If you know exactly how many cookies he ate, you are way too ...into it. He isn't going to make any progress that is significant unless he wants to. His behavior knowing he is diabetic, is self-destructive...suicidal?
And I've lived the damage that can occur physically from trying to be the best caregiver. It's been said here before...every area of our country is covered by a local Area Agency On Aging. Google it, or call your city hall and get connected. You may have a local office on aging. Get others involved. If your uncle is functional enough to shop on his own, then I am going to assume he is mentally competent. So there needs to be a chat about the dangers of the situation--that you both are at risk of eviction by the landlord. Rotting food can attract bugs. God forbid there is a fire it creates a dangerous challenge for the fire dept to rescue people. Take good care and sending you good wishes for a good outcome. Small comfort but know you are not alone, and that you can't control or fix this especially on your own. Do you have access on the computer for a group called "next door"? You may be able to ask there if anyone has any experience with getting help. This is a dumb question, looking up again at your story...but he's taking stuff out of the kitchen bins....can they be emptied or not used? I'm sure this will be a massive inconvenience...but that might help. Where's your car? Can you keep a sealed bag in your car and lock the trash up in there regularly until you can take it elsewhere? One more idea: my mother has dementia. Our city provides 2 huge trash bins with flip tops, one for trash, one for recycling. My mother was not only mixing both, but she was constantly throwing out things of value: mail, including bills, container lids (including from nice container sets) things that were not HERS. we ultimately found a refrigerator lock on amazon that adheres in two parts with a super strong adhesive. I wouldn't be surprised if your brother might find a way to defeat that...but in our case these adhesive bases have an opening where a piece of super strong cable goes through, and has a small loop on the end. The loops from both bases meet, and you can run a small lock through it. I used a small luggage combination lock so there was no key to hide and look after. For us it did the trick. Locks seem to alleviate a lot of issues:-) at least at our house. You might be able to put something even stronger on closet or cupboard door so the trash is locked up and he has no access...but sadly, you must realize, none of these "tricks" will resolve his underlying emotional illness. Sending hugs and hope...

I am married to a hoarder. There are 2 main components: incoming stuff, and inability to discard. You are going to have to play dirty. I know you don’t want to, but since he drives to the supermarket, take that opportunity to go in his room and discard the old newspapers and rotten food and anything else that is clearly not useful. If he has subscriptions to magazines that he doesn’t read, cancel them. Don’t ask and don’t tell, just take charge of the inflow. Plead ignorance IF he notices, and he might not. “I don’t know anything about it.” Chances are he will not get around to resubscribing. I know this is not you, but hoarders aren’t rational and you will exhaust yourself arguing over every button and used paper towel. For your sanity, your health, and his health, do what must be done, because he can’t.

I assume he is over 65 years. When he goes to hospital or u have to call rescue have him taken to a nursing home for rehab they can give physical therapy to combat his falling. While he is there clean out his room when he come home tell him if he doesn't keep his room clean he will have to go to nursing home permanently. This is your home and I assume he is living with you to be taken care , but his hoarding is destroying your home.with rotten good and clothes thrown around is a great invite to mice and rats. Tough love is in order before the place falls down around you. There is also mold and black mold is dangerous to health.since you can't talk to him then action should be taken..

While I don’t disagree with any of the responses below I do have a slightly different possible perspective. You don’t say how old your uncle is, how he came to live with you or what his health issues might be beyond being diabetic but much of this has familiar echos for me. My mom, also a type 2 diabetic has very similar tendencies in her eating habits, COVID has been a blessing for managing her inability to stay away from and limit her sugar/junk food intake because we have largely controlled the food that comes into the house (she no longer drives) though now that she is vaccinated... She too can’t eat one or two cookies a day, she binges on the entire package, a couple years ago she ate 4 or 5 of those Cadbury eggs in one sitting, she has always loved them and Easter because of them, sending her once again to the Dr or ER with unreadable numbers because they were so high. I get it and I get the frustration of not understanding why they can’t control themselves but they can’t. Sending her numbers soaring is not what she wants to or intends to do, I boarder on wether to call it a choice she makes or not but it sure is frustrating because it affects our lives not just hers.
Mom is also prone to hoarding, depending on what you consider hoarding but was always able to keep things clean or at least cleaning up when company came once she was living by herself. It wasn’t until after her stroke that we realized just how bad things had gotten in her room that she kept everyone out of. All our lives that was where stuff had been put to get them out of the way for the “clean up” so cluttered but when we went in there to retrieve some clothes and stuff while she was in rehab we found test strips all over the floor amongst food and papers, syringes collected in the oddest places...and came to the realization that her heart condition had been far worse for far longer than she had lead on and the truth was she really didn’t have the energy or ability to clean up both emotionally and physically. We did it while she was in the hospital and rehab and while granted it was some time before she went back to even visit her house, it was like ripping off a bandaid and while embarrassed i think it was a relief to have it done when she did see the house again. We threw out trash but we’re very careful. It to throw outa lot of stuff we thought should be so she could make that decision. Now her cognitive decline might have helped a bit too because we were able to bend her memory a bit that it wasn’t as bad, we hadn’t done as much as she was thinking. Anyway my point being, if your uncles hoarding is a life long thing and he is both physically and mentally all there otherwise so he is able to live on his own that may be different from a relatively new development that might have some root in hidden health issues contributing. Either way continuing to suffer on the sidelines isn’t helpful for either of you and I agree it’s time for some action on your part which could be as simple as starting with insisting he have a complete physical and allowing you to be an active part of discussions with his PCP and any specialists. Remember health stuff can be so frightening for us that we just try to bury it rather than face it head on, you may need to be the brave one here to break that cycle and your uncle may need all the love and reassurance you can muster for him to get it done.

I would submit that not only is forcing this issue one way or another important to take care of yourself but also to take care of him. It won’t be an easy road but the future is better on the other side or at least clearer for both of you. Sending you strength!

It is easy to say "evict him" or you but at this point evictions are VERY difficult. And even if your county or state has opened up and is allowing evictions there is such a backlog that it will take maybe years before they get to your particular eviction.
Has your uncle always been a hoarder? If so why did you let him reside with you or why did you move in with him? (nothing in your profile for more info)
My Husband was a collector of things, not quite hoarder status as he used the things he found but the increase of finding things increased with his advancing dementia, even if he was not officially diagnosed at that time.
So is is possible that your uncle is in early stages of dementia?
I suggest that the next time you have to call 911 you ask them to transport your uncle to the hospital. At the hospital you talk to the hospital Social Worker and say...."He is not safe to be discharged to my home" If he is not on the lease Say "I can not care for him safely"
If the landlord is starting eviction and you are moving out you can also say to the Social Worker "At this point he is homeless, has no home to return to"

your uncle has a mental health issue -- reasoning with him is not an option AND if he could do better he would. Consequently, you need to decide what actions to take to protect your health AND Your living situation.

If it was me Hire someone to clean out the room AND then have someone clean it weekly; If your uncle doesn't like it have him move into an assisted living.

You have a lots of good advice here. But you still have to do it. Sometimes "motivation follows action." In other words, just start tackling the problem; and then your motivation will follow to support your action.

There is a good book worth reading: Randy O, Frost & Gail Steketee's "Stuff: Compulsive Hoarding and the Meaning of Things" (published by Houghton Mifflin/Mariner Books, 2011). The reviews indicate "The authors are refreshingly uncertain about what the causes of hoarding might be and rely upon a series of in-depth profiles of women and men, each of whom they treat with remarkable compassion and respect... An utterly engrossing book... 'Stuff' invites readers to re-evaluate their desire for things."

All the best
Love and Prayer

Your landlord has every right to evict you, sad to say. You probably signed an agreement that included a clause about keeping the place clean. I am guessing that if the landlord has not been inside your home (you don't say if he has or hasn't) then possibly the ambulance crew had to make a report about his unsafe living conditions.

There is no fixing a hoarder other than to get them to a place where they can no longer hoard, no access to items to hoard, a more controlled environment. And during that transition, they will probably need to have some sort of medication to cope with the change, it is very emotionally taxing for a hoarder to lose his hoard. For your uncle's sake, he needs a level of care you cannot provide.

I hope you can the necessary steps for your uncle's wellbeing and to be able to continue to live where you want to live.

Hoarders are addicts. You can't reason with them. They do not think of others, just feeding their hoard. Even professionals have a hard time with this situation. Pick a solution from one of the previous posts: move, get out of the lease, let him face his own consequences, etc. Sorry you are in this predicament; save yourself.

Move.

Who's on the lease? Both of you or just you?

Uncle I'm moving in 60 days. Here is a phone number for a social worker. I suggest you call & get services to help you;
1. Clean up
2. Find new accomodation
3. Move

Unless you are your Uncle's legal Guardian? In which case, you can call a social worker to assist both of you.

Did you each sign a lease? Or are you both on one lease? It doesn't seem fair that he evicts both of you.

Please understand that hoarding is a mental illness, so trying to reason with him on any level will be unproductive and a waste of energy. I would talk to the landlord and try to separate yourself from him so that at least you don't have to get punished as well, unless you are counting on Uncle to pay part of the rent.

You have 2 options: be preemptive and just move and leave him to experience the consequences of his choices and never move in with him anywhere again. Or, see if your lease allows you to separate yourself from him and try to get to stay where you are. You can make 1 final attempt to explain to your uncle that he WILL get an eviction notice and after it is posted for 30 days they can forcibly remove him and he better have a back-up plan. Whatever you do, DO NOT help him clean his room. He must do it himself. Which he won't do because he's a hoarder. He will just fill it up again and then rely on you to rescue him.

Another option: if there is a "next time" he has a medical episode and goes to the hospital, contact their on-staff social worker to explain it would be an "unsafe discharge" to allow him to be released back to the apartment. Do not go to get him. Request that they do a cognitive exam on him and show them pictures of his hoarded room. If they decide to act upon your information they will most likely move to pursue guardianship for him so he can be placed in a facility. How old is your uncle? If you do not have PoA or guardianship for him there will be very little you can do for him legally to help him anyway. I wish you success in protecting yourself in this situation but please don't get sucked into the dilemma he created for himself.

I have to agree with lealonnie1. Your uncle has to go. It is not healthy for you to continue to live with him and his hoard. Hoarding is a mental disease, that isn't easily fixed, and then him having diabetes, that he's not wanting to control, is almost like he's either directly or indirectly trying to kill himself. He needs help. More than you can ever provide, so time to cut your losses now, and get on with living your life. You can't go on with the way things are. Please, please, make yourself a priority, and get your uncle out ASAP.

Evict your uncle asap. He's creating a health hazard for YOU in YOUR home, so he's the one who has to leave. Give him 30 days (or whatever) to leave and find a new place to live, or, clean up the hoard and fly right. That's not likely to happen, though, because a hoarder very rarely stops hoarding on his own. Not even with psychological help, actually. And it's also unlikely he'll stop his bad eating habits and that means you'll constantly be in a position to call 911 and be on high alert as his keeper.

You have to care for YOURSELF here, and since his actions are taking such a big toll on your physical and emotional health, I don't think you have much choice but to send him packing.

Good luck!