Hello,
We live with my 85 year old mother in law. She has a lot of health issues and is very set in her ways about how her house is. She has a lot of rugs, and one rug is clear plastic. It is not stable, and moves when we walk on it. I have tripped on this rug about 4 times so far. He says there is nothing to stick on the back of it. I told him that I have already tripped and sprained my foot, and his response was to be more careful. We have been arguing about this. My MIL placed the rug there and I guess he is afraid to bring it up to her to remove it.
Also, MIL had home health aide come to the house and the nurse mentioned to her that the rugs were a fall hazard a few months ago, but the rugs are still there. How can I make my husband and MIL understand how dangerous these rugs are, as she could fall next?
Your MIL is very very fortunate to have you living with her. She has to make some compromises in order for you to CONTINUE living with her and helping her, and that includes saying sayonarra to hazardous rugs and any other hazardous things that are lying around.
You can't make a man 'understand' much of anything when it comes to his mother, it seems to me. So stop trying, and just do what YOU have to do to ensure a safe living environment for everyone. If DH doesn't like it, then he can agree to move you BOTH out of there and into a nice home which YOU can decorate as you see fit.
Good luck setting down boundaries and sticking to them! You are entitled to have a voice and to use it!
When MIL is asleep, get that clear thing and haul it away.
Since when is clear plastic a rug?
We have a vacation rental. I buy new bath mats each season. The ones I bought last year slid all over the ceramic tiles in the bathroom. I had no idea. Luckily the first guests of the season told me. Yet the same rugs did not more on the laminate flooring. So I used them as door mats.
I am sorry that you have tripped on these rugs. I agree that they are heath hazards.
When my mom had home health the head nurse and the physical and occupational therapists did a walk through in our home to point out what could be a potential danger. It is their job to alert the family of hazards.
I understand that your mother in law is set in her ways. Unfortunately, that is common for certain people to resist change.
What’s up with your husband? I don’t like that he told you to be more careful to avoid tripping again.
Has your mother in law fallen? Is that why she had home health? Has your husband fallen on those ‘plastic’ rugs?
I am not hoping that your husband will fall. I am not a malicious person, not even with foolish people but if he would fall he would see for himself that your home isn’t safe.
Sadly, some people see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. Nothing you say will convince them.
I suppose it may take a serious accident for something to change. I hope not but your husband and mother in law are being stubborn.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Sorry, but its MILs house, MIL rules. You aren't going to change her mind because she is set in her ways and second you can't reason with someone who suffers from Dementia.
What you need to do is have the Nurse talk to your husband about the dangers. If MIL ends up in ER and the cause is a rug, let him go and sit with her and deal with ER. Bet those rugs come up.
Maybe you can start one at a time. See if she notices it missing. If she does, tell her you are washing it. If she asks again, say its drying. This will work if she has lost the ability to know one day from the other.
Same for hubster - him telling OP to be more careful is just plain stupid for a response. Sure, she can be "mindful" that these are hazards, but HIS mother can't/won't. If HIS mother falls and breaks a hip, WHO is going to be responsible for that AND take care of her????? I would ask the nurse to brow beat this dummy, until he gets it. Pamphlets, documents, word of mouth to his face, pictures, if possible, of the resulting injuries.
But, don't count on him or wait for him to get it. Toss them (or if need be store them in a place neither will look!) one at a time, over time so it isn't quite as noticeable, have excuses for MIL as to where they are and why they haven't returned until she forgets about them. Depending on her level of dementia, out-of-sight generally leads to out-of-mind. It did for my mother - 9 mo in MC, she forgot about her condo and returning to it, but then focused on the previous residence! Not seeing my brothers led to her no longer asking about them. Haven't been allowed to visit since mid-March, so hopefully she still remembers me!!!
It's no good talking to your husband about this. Afraid or not, he clearly is reluctant to tell his mother what to do.
But what does your MIL say about the nurse's advice, or when she sees you (and presumably others) being skittled over like ninepins? Does she tut? Does she say oh dear? Have a nice trip? Is she blithely unaware that this is a real problem?
I agree that it is a case of her house her rules, but there may be approaches which will carry more weight with her and gain her agreement to removing or at least re-siting her rugs.
My friend’s solution now is that she completely ignores her mother in law and allows her husband to handle it. She says if she falls she will end up in the ER and maybe then she will learn.
Her mother in law doesn’t dare speak to her son like that though. She still tells him not to change anything but she says it nicely to him. She’s a person that only goes after women. She would never go after a man. No dementia. She is just controlling.
It has caused quite a strain in my friend’s marriage. At one time she thought about divorcing her husband over his mom but feels like her mother in law may be dying soon since she is in her 90’s. She says she is staying out of spite now because her mother in law hates her.
Everyone has to do what they feel is best but it is a miserable life pleasing a stubborn mother in law.
Fortunately, I did not have that problem. I had a wonderful mother in law. She was a lovely woman.
I use rug tape on all the rugs in my house, including the small one in front of my kitchen sink.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H88SWCM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_fab_RkMFFbPSWSMRG
You are a caregiver and you do not need permission from anyone to do what is in the best interest of everyone's safety.
If not then let nature take its course and whomever will fall and get hurt. But not you because you are being careful. Then your husband can be the one that is responsible and stop being coward around his mom.
I’m not sure why so many seniors can’t appreciate that one fall can mean hip fracture, surgery, rehab, and maybe nursing home. How can a flimsy little rug be worth the risk? It boggles the mind.
The clear plastic rug, is that a rug/carpet protector? Get rid of it. It probably only has the little plastic points on the bottom that are supposed to grab the carpet to hold it in place and if it isn't safe, there really isn't a need for it anyway.
If you fall, who will take care of you?
There are professional people that can evaluate your home for hazards. From the moment they drive up they look over your home inside and out for safety problems. They suggest
a “File of Life” be posted on the fridge. This is medical history so that if the ambulance is called they can evaluate the situation faster. They will also install grab bars at the correct height. I heard this from an online group Care Partners
How to stay living in your own home. 4 steps.
Maybe AARP could direct you to a service like this.
After the first fall, BIL tried to get the rugs away from her and he was also unsuccessful. She did not have dementia but she “got her Johnny Bull up” over this issue.
In the second fall she broke her ankle. This got her into assisted living where she belonged. Not in a run down apartment with a negligent landlord and a dangerous snowy staircase she couldn’t get down anymore.
The dear lady is 99, very frail, and down to 73 lbs. She’s holding out for 100 so she can get on television as she’s been trying to do since she was a flirty, Clairol dark auburn (she still keeps this up even in her quarantined nursing home) girl.
The woman has an iron will. She’s even outlived two of her children. I think she’s gonna make it.
* Do NOT wear yourself out 'trying' to convince spouse (as this is a trap many fall into);
* Unfortunately, we cannot 'make' anyone (do anything) / understand potential health risks if they are not open to listening.
* If you spraining YOUR foot didn't do it, I don't know what can - to get your spouse to see the light - and the potential danger HE is putting his mother in.
* You might ask him to read these responses. It takes you a bit out of the equation.
True story - My late mother broke her femur on a scatter rug and it wasn't at HER home.
You might just have to explain to your husband your concerns and tell him you are going to make necessary safety modifications.
With my mother, no one ever wanted to make her disgruntled, so if they suggested making changes for the sake of safety, she'd always say "no", they'd just throw up their hands as though they had no power.
Puhleez!! She says "no" to EVERYTHING, unless it's going to McDonald's for ice cream. Lol.
I basically told them they were being chickenchit and I made necessary safety modifications. I mean what she gonna do?
No, she didn't like it at first, but she got used to it.
When she asked (fifty times), "what happened to that rug that was here?" My answer every time was, "I put it away because I don't want you to trip over it and hurt yourself."
Then eventually the question became, "Didn't there used to be a rug here?" My reply always, "Yes, when I was little."
Soon after, she never asked anymore.
Make your answers or reasons simple and the same every time.
Does MIL shuffle her feet when she walks? If so, tell hubby to drag his feet as he walks over the edge of the rug a couple of times so he can see how a shoe or toe could catch the edge and trip him. What did MIL say when nurse mentioned it to her? Maybe have the nurse bring it up again with an example of someone who fell, broke their hip, and never got around good again.
The other thing may be to relocate area rugs to places where MIL doesn't walk all the time. She still sees her rug but not likely to trip on it.
And for a little on the devious side - you could fake a fall of your own when neither of them in the area. Fold the rug over a little and start hollering for hubby to help you get up. Say - that's it, the rugs are gone before me or one of you gets killed. Limp around for a little while and see if that drives the point home to him and maybe her, too
After he tripped on it once, he rolled it up & told me it was now in the garage if I wanted to see it! It could only come back if securely taped down.
I liked the rug but valued him more ☺️ so I threw the rug out.