My husband is obsessing over who our cat and dog belong to, where did I take them, that I am planning to kidnap them. He demands that they be with him or that he knows where they are every minute of the day and during the night-constantly calling out to them. He holds tight to them if they do come to him, either by holding onto their collars or just holding them tightly. Our sweet dog is becoming afraid and nervous and my assurances do not help at all. I have begun putting our dog in the bedroom during meals because he insists on feeding him things that are not at all good for him-especially milk at every meal, and garlic, and spicy foods and bread and his own dish to put ice cream in. He will sneak the food under the table like a toddler hiding something. Every family member has tried to stop this at gatherings but he just stares at them, handing food to our dog anyway. We are an animal loving family, but our dog is the only one allowed to be fed at the table and this is creating a health issue as well as conflict even as we realize that this is another obsessive behavior.
That sound so hard to deal with, hopefully it is a phase that doesn't last long.
Poor old dog though. What sort of dog? - size, shape, temperament? Was he previously very attached to your husband? If DH was the "pack leader" this situation will indeed confuse the heck out of him. Don't be too sweet or soft in your assurances - the dog needs to know that there is a strong leader in charge (you), so be firm and assume an air of authority.
I'm struggling to think of a possible love object for your DH to fuss over that won't come to any harm. Not being flippant - there are animatronic creations that have been in the headlines lately, I don't know if they're anything like ready for product launch?
These sorts of things can be seen as symtoms--manifestations of agitation and/or anxiety and are sometimes ameliorated by meds.
In hindsight, if we'd been able to see my mother's anxiety as a symptom, we would have been far ahead of the game in getting her what she needed.
She couldn't stay at home because she was scared and anxious, and having helpers in the house with her made her MORE anxious.
We should have gotten her anxiety properly addressed by a geriatric psychiatrist BEFORE we moved her, not after.
The only thing that helped was my LO went to AL to stay for a while to get rehab. Her dementia progressed rapidly, went to MC and completely forgot about the cat. She soon didn't even ask about the cat. Medication for anxiety helped her quite a bit. I'd discuss it with his doctor.
While your husband loves the pets, it's not kind to allow the pets to become stressed out due to a person's obsessive behavior. If he was thinking clearly, he wouldn't want the animals to be unhappy. That's how I thought of it. The cat loved my LO, but, was much happier, when she was away from her. The obsessive behavior was just too much for the cat.
Did you know that dogs are lactose intolerant? Doggie shouldn’t be having any milk -at all.
Does your husband take any medication for anxiety? If not, that might be a good first shot at resolving this issue. Talk to your husbands doctor.
Now, as a Border Collie, she was generally VERY active and requiring a LOT of outside time. During hubby's recovering, she was so calm and sweet. She KNEW. When he was no longer hooked to a bunch of drains, I let her be on the bed with him. Comforted both of them.
But I'm talking about the best dog/friend I have ever had---my daughter's toy Pom is the stupidest thing in the world. In times of stress, she runs around the house and poops in every room she can get into. Daughter is having baby #3 and she is far more worried about this dumb dog's reaction to another child than she is about her KIDS having a new sib.
I guess my only advice would be to try your best to keep your hubby from feeding/obsessing over the dog. Human food doesn't agree with dogs, and can actually be toxic.
Hopefully this behavior in your hubby is just a phase. Perhaps talking to his dr about something mild for the anxiety would be helpful. The dog isn't working as an anxiety animal--and it's probably ready to run away.
I don't have your problem of them wanting to stay away from Mom as she doesn't grab them and force them to stay. Actually it's the opposite. The mini is desperate to be with Mom and tries to stay near her (a good thing), though he can be a bit overzealous by jumping up on her lap to lick her face. He's 25 pounds and just too heavy for that sort of thing. When he's outside in the fenced backyard he'll throw himself at the door trying to get in to be with Mom (he'd make an EXCELLENT service dog). The toy is 14 pounds and Mom adores her as she's a sweetheart.
Your dog's anxiety must be highly stressful. I wonder if you act as if your dog being with your husband is a "job" and give your dog treats while the dog's with DH. Do you think that might help your dog learn that? My dogs are stressed from being here though. At home they don't toilet in the house. Here they do. Almost daily there's a mess on the floor, either wet or solid (and of course, it's on the carpet). Their routine is essentially the same and their food and snacks are the same.