My story is eerily similar to the person who is struggling to help her mother who is being scammed by a fake Luke Bryan impersonator. My mother believes Aaron Neville is her boyfriend. I'm going to refer to the scammer as "he", but in all likelihood it's a group of people (I know they are Nigerian) taking turns...and there are many, many fake Aaron Neville facebook accounts...new ones pop up every day.
As far as we know currently, she gave him $500 in itune gift cards, gave him access to her bank account, photos of her drivers license, her SSN, packed up her little car with many of her possessions and went to the local flea market every day to sell so she could have more money for the scammer. She is disabled and to picture her desperately packing her car, unpacking it at the flea market, repacking to go home, unpacking when she arrives home... I have no words.
Like the other poster, my mother refuses to believe it is a scam. She tells people (my family and doctors) that she knew it was a scam and was just having fun and that she doesn't have a facebook account anymore. All lies. I've tried to prevent her from accessing facebook...she just goes out and signs a contract with another carrier and keeps the phone a secret (we later found out and managed to remedy that). Now she has figured out how to make new gmail accounts and facebook accounts that we don't know the passwords to.
She called me early in the morning, 15 times, leaving voicemails stating that she was going to kill herself. I had her ECO'd, but they kept her for one week and she was able to fool them enough (I don't see how...she is so very fake and obvious) so they simply released her and told her to take her medicine and get counseling (obviously she refuses to do that now). All she really learned was that she should not leave voicemails stating her intent to kill herself.
When she's raging, she says she hates us and that she is going away from us (per the original facebook messages, the scammer tells her that he is coming to marry her and buy her a big house and take her away from her horrible daughters). When she's able to control the rage, she says "oh precious, I don't have a facebook account...I never had one, that was your sister faking an account".
I just honestly don't know what to do anymore. I know she has found a way to get back to the scammer...she's not acting normal at all and seems far too tech-sophisticated suddenly to be acting on her own mental power.
She is fully under the mind-control of this scammer. I feel helpless and hopeless. I don't want her to lose her independence and her house and possessions over this. I don't know how to stop it. What can I do?
Thanks for listening.
I have a couple thoughts, though.
I don't think there is much you can do, unless you can have her legally declared mentally incompetent and take over her finances as POA. You could then protect her assets, but allow her to have some spending money, so she feels in control of something. It sounds like she's going to great lengths to continue this behavior and keep it hidden from you.
I suspect the reason she is so vulnerable to scammers is because she wants and is getting attention. Find other outlets for her to socialize! Chat with her online more often. Find senior activities she could participate in. Have people drop by to see her. Whether it's bible study, meals on wheels, a neighbor volunteer, or even hire a companion aide. The idea is, keep her from feeling so lonely she will resort to seeking out companionship of scammers.
I would think this is something which you could report to legal authorities. Start with your local police and see if they can guide you to find appropriate legal action. I think most communities have a cyber crime unit.
Good luck! You may just have to let this go. Your mother is a grown woman, doing what she wants to do. Your wish to control it is only going to frustrate you more. I understand you'll likely have to deal with the consequences if she loses her home and everything she has. Be careful of letting her problems become your problems to solve.
If your mother receives Social Security, you can call them and tell them what is going on and you can become her rep payee so she cannot give the scammer any more money from that account. Just an idea.
Is there a way you can talk to her doctor without her knowing about it? This would help in getting her the right help she needs.
I would definitely report her social security number as stolen.
Also notify all her credit cards. Can you set up a Lifelock or some other service that monitors new cards being opened in someone's name as well as putting freezes on the current cards? Before he died, I had dad subscribed to Lifelock and Experian as well as I installed Malwarebytes on his computer. In fact, that might be enough right there to protect her. Malwarebytes through up such a scary warning on his computer one day that he called me and wanted to know what was going on. I told him it was Malwarebytes just doing what it was supposed to do, protecting him from himself.
If you can, get on mom's computer and set it up as if she is child. Use the parental controls that are there. I think that will even prevent her from being able to open up new email accounts. She is behaving like a child so you have to treat her like a child for her own protection.
Finally, file as much info as you can with reportfraud.ftc.gov. I know the form is extensive, but it is worth it.
For the record, it is EASY for many of us to be scammed, regardless (?) of our cognitive functioning/abilities and age. It happened to me. Yes, in retrospect, I fell for an easy scam through a dating service - by relying OUTSIDE of the service - directly to an email. I eventually / sooner than later / realized this appeared to be a 'child' or someone without much wherewithall responding to me. I wasn't financially compromised although it was certainly an ego blow. Yes. When it happens, we ("I") wondered: How did I allow this to happen and worse, how did I fall for it. And, this was about 5-7 years ago ...
BEWARE:
It was Match.com. The 'bad people' are hot on the trail of elder women ... ready snuff out elders like a hound dog.
PLEASE REALIZE your mom is attaching herself to a fantasy / hallucination. She wants to feel loved and belong. See if you can get volunteers, neighbors, friends, church volunteers to visit. She is fixated. You need to interrupt this behavior / pattern - by (hopefully) paying more attention to her. And, then, her brain may STILL not shift from 'her boyfriend.'
You do what you can. And, that is all any one of us can do.
Gena / Touch Matters
OMGawd, what an unusual celebrity scam. But if it is that AN, send me a PM. I can give you contact details as to how to reach him & Sarah (wf. & they are happily acutely married). He’s a such a sweetheart. I think he’d be so quite flabbergasted that someone is using his persona to do something so beyond awful.
I got derailed here. Back to this post ...
Elders, especially women of - more or less - 'sound mind' can fall for these things ... and worse, 100% of those with dementia can / will if they have access to computers, phones, internet ... mail(ers). It is a sad commentary on our society - and 'progress' with media and international communication abilities. And, now with AI, it WILL get worse.
We can't be too vigilant. And, family / friends of elders MUST be aware of these possibilities and take necessary actions to block usage. Gena
First, if not done yet, get her evaluated by MD.
Clearly, she needs to be blocked from using the computer, phone, and mail(ers).
If you are not legally authorized to handle these things, you need to be.
Otherwise, yes, I understand you feel helpless and hopeless.
She has dementia or some brain dysfunction and must be blocked from these things. In addition, she needs to be supervised - perhaps 24/7. She needs to be in a locked facility or have 24/7 caregiver.
From what I can tell, she might need to be in AI / memory care.
Get her medically assessed.
Get the legal authority you need to manage 'her entire life.' This includes POA, Will, Soc Sec Payee Rep, perhaps Fiduciary. These are the areas I had to manage. It is necessary that you do this.
"If" she is deemed to be able to manage her own life / decisions, then it it is up to her. However, it sounds like she desperately needs you - or someone - to intervene "yesterday." Otherwise, whatever financial resources she has will be drained as well as people may come knocking at her door as she will readily give personal information to just about anyone.
Calling you 15 x a day ... Tell her you will 'fix' and 'take care of things.' Then find out / ask ? / take control of her computer (or better yet, get rid of her phone and/or computer access. SHE SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO access any of these things, including mail(ers). Get her U.S. mail address changed to yours or a POX if someone can check it.
This is what you can do. And need to handle immediately - for her welfare.
Gena / Touch Matters
It is so true and heartfelt. gena
If you (or nobody) is her PoA or legal guardian, and if she's not actually elderly, and if she doesn't have a medical diagnosis of incapacity -- then there really isn't any more you can. You can maybe try to freeze her credit. You can maybe go to her bank with evidence of the scamming (not sure what that'd look like but maybe call and ask her bank). Maybe contact APS and see what they suggest, if anything.
You say she's disabled, so is she on SSDI? Medicaid? Does she have a caseworker you can contact?
I'm so sorry for this distressing situation.
AARP has listed these scam podcasts to listen to.
The Perfect Scam
Chameleon
Scam Goddess
The Missing Cryptoqueen
Scam Influencers
The Shrink Next Door
The Dropout
Fraudsters
Queen of the Con
I certainly hope that you can clear this situation up in your mom’s life. Best of luck to you.
This is a common scam and is written about in the current issue of AARP News bulletin.
They also give a number you can call to speak to an AARP trained volunteer about this and other scams.
Get rid of mom's need for contact by hooking her up with AARP at this number:
AARP FRAUDWATCH NETWORK HELPLINE:
877 908 3360.
Your mother is also expressing suicidal ideation. She should not now be alone until assessed.
See below for more on that.
Clearly you are aware this is likely dementia.
Your mother needs now not to be in control of her own finances.
Time to see an attorney for conservatorship or guardianship in order to protect her finances.
The suicidal ideation is an emergency. Please consider calling 911 for EMS transport to the ER and there call in Social Services for a 5150 or a 72 hour hold and exam and diagnosis. Your mother will be taken by EMS to ER against her wishes if you stress the suicidal ideation. The Social workers at the hospital can perhaps get you an emergency guardianship by calling a judge (possible in some states) so that you can lock her accounts.
At the VERY LEAST you yourself should call FRAUDWATCH today for options and advice.
Hope you will update us.
Since they cannot legally hold you long enough to even be assessed, there is no more use in calling 911 for suicidal intentions -- unless an attempt has already been made which requires immediate resuscitation. Patients passing in the waiting room, unevaluated and untreated. Patients carrying out their intentions while waiting to be seen. Horrifying!