My brother will not answer his phone or texts. The hospital has tried to get in contact with him but he does not respond. Because of Covid-19 the hospital is in lock down. No one can visit but she can use a phone for incoming calls only. My brother will not call her as "she does not sound like herself". He has threatened staff as they will not let him in to visit, but he only tried once. Mom has been in the hospital for 2 months. Since the hospital has not been able to contact him to tell him I feel I need to but he will not answer his phone or text message. I know he will blame me but he does not comprehend the situation. He does not even believe that that the Covid-19 even exists. He has been diagnosed with Bio Polar and PTSD. I have asked for a Public Trustee as money was going missing and neglect. He will not contact the PT either or acknowledge mail.
So sorry Mom has been put on comfort care.
If you persist in trying to contact him it will look like a sh*t-stirring exercise; and he'll blame you anyway, whatever you do. Just leave him be.
His mental illness may be responsible for his behavior - but it does not "excuse" it. However, you still need the documentation to protect yourself for the future legal battle that I see forthcoming.
My x-sister in law cut me off so I had to tell her via e-mail her mother had passed. Not the best way to give the news. But not my fault and I refused to feel guilt over it.
This is part of his broken brain. (Bi Polar and PTSD) so in some respects he can not be "blamed" for this anymore than a person with Dementia can be blamed for their behavior.
If you know of a friend of his that he trusts I would contact them and ask them to relay the message.
If he is a Veteran does he have a contact at the VA that might help in this situation?
Just knowing that you have done what you could to connect him and your mom is all that you can do. You have tried, Hospital has tried.
To quote my Grandma..you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink. In other words you have given him every opportunity to contact mom yet he either can't or won't
Can't and Won't are two important things.
If he Can't it may be because he can not admit that his mom is dying and when that happens he will have lost a very important connection in his life.
If he Won't it may be because he does not realize how serious this is, his broken brain won't accept the fact that this is real.
As much as he might not admit this he may very well need you emotionally when your mom dies. This may send him into a tailspin.
If you happen to know anyone at all that still talks with your brother, tell that person you have tried and failed - ask that person to relay the info. Your brother has issues and evidently does not process info the same as others, however he should know that his mother's health is deteriorating. What he does with that info is really up to him.
Is your brother at risk of hurting himself or others? He may need an evaluation by his psychiatrist since he has been acting out.
I was lucky enough to have a gifted and experienced therapist. (This was part of what I did with $$ when I moved in with mom. It wasn't a luxury, but allowed me to continue.) Weekly sessions for 5 years. Each week I'd tell her everything I was going through as a caretaker and mom's health and safety issues, and about how awful the sisters were behaving. She recorded every bit of it, so I happened to have a complete record by a certified therapist, doctor, social worker. Mom's still alive, I've left, and I expect sibs to be ugly when mom passes. But the recorded facts will protect me.
I'm so sorry you are living through this. Hugs and support to you.
Is he a Veteran?
If so is there anyone you can contact at the VA that might be able to help him? Or there is Veterans Assistance Commission offices they may be of some help. Failing that check the VFW in your area there might be some help they can give as far as talking to him.
I would worry about suicide a great problem with Veterans. As is Substance abuse and homelessness. Probably the substance abuse and homelessness a conjoined problem due to attempting self medicating. This due to a distrust of the VA.
And you can not take this on as your responsibility. You have enough on your plate now. And no matter what you or anyone else tries if your brother will not accept help nothing anyone does or tries to do will work.