He yells at me and he’s usually wrong in what he’s yelling about. I finally asked for his apology after an incident today and he tried to justify his yelling and refused to apologize. I’ve stayed in my room the rest of the evening. I don’t know what I might say if i was around him right now.
Does anyone have durable Power of Attorney for him, like a relative? If no one, then does he have any relatives locally you can discuss this issue with? His worsening mental state may be related to his stroke, his medications or a new health issue...do you think you would be able to get him to see his doctor?
Thanks
You say in your profile that this seemed like the perfect job for you, but now you are having second thoughts. Caregiving is far from easy. When it’s a relative, we more or less feel obligated, but when it’s a “job” we’ve taken and things fall apart with the person we’re caring for, it could be more of a temptation to say “forget this! I’m going to get a job somewhere else.” You need to think long and hard about the advantages and disadvantages about this job you’ve taken on. Whether this is just his personally or he has dementia, it’s difficult to deal with. And, if it’s dementia, it will get worse. His children MUST be kept apprised of his behavior. You do have POA, but this does not really come into full effect until he can be proven incompetent. He is already balking about seeing the doctors at the VA and without medical supervision, you’re sunk before you even start. If you are able to, in a calmer moment, tell him you really want to help him out, but you are not willing to tolerate yelling and insults, apology or not. You refuse to be treated like that. There must be mutual respect and tolerance or you will not be able to continue in this position. If his behavior continues, notify his children that you are resigning your POA and your position as his caregiver.
If this is a dramatic change for him since the stroke, then I would say related. Some wake out of strokes swearing when they never spoke a profane word in their lives before. If this is since bouts with two illnesses, and some deficits, then I would consider depression. Whichever, it requires a doctor's evaluation.
I would be clear and honest and KIND with your husband. I would explain that there are behavior changes and I would give examples. I would ask him to go for an evaluation. If he refuses I would make it clear that I am perfectly capable of legal separation and would not be willing to live with someone abusive to me. I would say it gently, I would say that I loved him very much, BUT. And as we all know, it is the BUT that matters ultimately.