How do I plan an inexpensive funeral?

My mother passed and we had no viewing. We got an urn less than $100 and cremated her . She said no cremated but she was gone and we did what we decided to do . Otherwise there are embalming costs. We did a graveside service only. Cost about $3000

Many national and state parks have memorial areas where you can scatter ashes for free (though there’s an entrance fee or a lifetime national parks pass which is under $100 if you want to visit afterwards). No headstones or parceling of the area, but then there’s the rest of the park with memorable locations. (Across from a park memorial area in Virginia is an overlook for the Potomac River). It’s a different concept from traditional cemeteries but beautiful in its own right.

Was he in the Armed Forces?

“Almost all veterans can receive military funeral honors at no cost. They are also usually eligible for free memorial items including:
Headstones, markers, and medallions
Burial flag
Presidential Memorial Certificate”

You get get information from the veteran affairs office.
https://www.usa.gov/veteran-burial-benefits

Thank you for asking this question!

If he doesn't want cremation, there are low cost burial alternatives. There is a company where I live that will do the embalming and burial for around 5,000 to 7,000 depending on the level of service you require (use of chapel, desire to use facility for wake as well, day of week and time of day, etc. You will need a casket and vault. Opt for the least expensive of these, and if possible a graveside service performed by your pastor or a family friend or lay pastor. If possible try to avoid requesting funds to pay for the service, and instead request in lieu of flowers that funds to be placed in a trust you have established for a minor child or grandchild's college, or be given to a charity meaningful to you and your husband or the church of the pastor that performs the service. I'm so sorry that you have the added burden of finances to dealing with your loss. Perhaps as soon as you lay your husband to rest, you should also invest in a modest life insurance policy for yourself (one of those 20,000 ones you see on TV for a reasonable cost), so that your family will not have to endure what you have. My BIL passed away impoverished with grandiose demands of cremation and an at sea burial with a private boat ride and dive team to lay his ashes, which my FIL chose to honor at his own expense. Although I respected my FIL's choice, I would not have done the same at my own expense and hardship. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I personally would never expect my husband and children to do without simply because I wanted a certain type of funeral, especially if I had not set aside funding for it. You are in my prayers.

PS to my other answer: if you want to do direct cremation, gather your information *now*, call different places to find out their costs and whether they can serve your location (the physical thing of transport from your home or hospital etc). It really is best not to have to do that when the time comes, it's best if there's no time pressure and less emotion on your side.

To avoid any pressure to make a commitment or spend money now, I'd say I was gathering information to help a friend who was trying to plan ahead, or something.

graygrammie: My mother prepaid her funeral, including casket, services and burial (opening the ground in New England in January, which was a feat in and of itself).

I did something like this once with a group of friends for someone we knew . Warning, I'll just give sort of blunt pragmatic advice here. (Also -- haven't read all responses so probably repetitious.)

The overall concept was, arrange for direct cremation, and do not use funeral home services for anything else, AND arrange this from the least expensive possible place. Then after the cremation has taken place, hold a memorial or religious event anywhere you like, and structure it as you like -- invite people to speak, or read thing out loud, or sing for that matter -- or just have people get together and reminisce about the person. Or have a traditional thing in a church or someplace like that.

I would think a potluck could be a very nice, warm occasion. And maybe people could chip in for some costs, like beverages. To me -- this is the place for feeling, for honoring the dead, etc. And coming up with the $$$$ for a funeral parlor just isn't necessary in order to do the right thing.

You probably need a licensed funeral director to deal with the details of arranging for the cremation and for getting the ashes to you: use the lowest-cost funeral home that is in the extended geographic area -- if there's a lower-income city near you who will serve you, check there. Because you are not going to care at all what the place is like, or even how convenient it is, as you won't be going there or inviting people there.

(Example -- I called places in Manhattan, which cost $9000. for this basic service, and then I called places in Staten Island, which cost $800 for the exact same thing.]

And - my sympathy and best wishes to you whenever this comes to pass.

I’m 82 and pretty healthy so far. Recently I realized that I didn’t want my adult children to pay for my after death care. Or to have to make decisions about it. They are fine with my wish to be cremated. They are ok with my decision to donate my body to the local university. This is the perfect decision if you want to avoid funeral costs and at the same do some good. If the University rejects my body I’ve prepaid for a “cremation only” plan. In either case, my ashes will be returned to them. For a “service” I’ve asked my son and daughter to host a party - whether or not they have the ashes. This plan works for us but may not be appropriate for others. It did, however, avoid funeral home charges except for cost of cremation.

I agree with most people. If he didn't prepare for a burial, he gets to be cremated. I wouldn't talk to him about it, just do it when he is gone. If you do honor his wishes for a burial, no embalming, no open casket. Minimize your expenses, no frills, etc. Shop now, prices are so different. The grave might seem cheap, what about opening and closing it? In Dallas at one cemetary, it is over $2,000. just to open and close the grave. If he is cremated, you can scatter his ashes for nothing.

When my aunt died and was cremated, she was buried in her favorite cookie jar. My mother was scattered. My Sister-in-Law was buried in the cardboard box she came home in with her favorite fabric and ribbon wrapped around her box. I still have some of the fabric and take it out once in a while and think of her.

Some people have a potluck in a park. You just pay a minimal fee for use of the park.

If family starts to give you grief bacause you aren't spending more money, let them foot the bill. Not just promise to help. foot the entire thing up front.

I just looked up ‘green’ funerals in my area. It’s really interesting. I actually like this idea of having a ‘green’ burial.

I know that I definitely don’t want a traditional funeral with a viewing. I hate those. I most likely will be cremated and buried in our family plot, but I definitely like the idea of a ‘green’ funeral. It seems so much more sensible.

The article that I was reading said that funeral homes don’t like to suggest it because they won’t make a lot of money from doing green burials. They also stated that Jesus was buried in this manner, no coffin, just a shroud.

There is only one funeral home near me that does ‘green’ burials. I find that sad.

Of course, it is cheaper than a traditional burial with a casket. It’s also cheaper than cremation which isn’t green.

So, the price is right for cutting costs. You still have to buy a plot.

It is interesting to read our own state laws regarding what is and isn’t allowed in our areas.

Many good answers here. I have been in your shoes a couple of times. Be straightforward. Talk to a funeral home representative. Keep repeating "any money spent comes out of my groceries for the next 6 months--I want the cheapest possible cremation/burial with no extras." When any new thing comes up ask, "is that required by law?" I did this for my FIL when my MIL passed away when I was 19. I was young and a little brash and bold, but we paid less than half what a friend had paid to the same funeral home a few months earlier. It was easy for me because I barely knew either of them. Pop's budget was the only thing I cared about. I doubt that any of the mourners knew the difference.

Prepaid plans are best because when the end comes you won't believe how many other things you will be dealing with.

Be sure that hospice or hospital have the name and number of the funeral home so that they can call them directly when the death occurs and everything will be taken care of by the funeral home.

Try to find a friend or distant relative who can stay with you for a couple of days when he dies. I have both been that friend and relied on a friend to take care of incoming calls, deal with fielding demands, and organizing stuff coming in and going out. It is really amazing how much stuff goes on when someone dies.

This should include answering the phone and screening calls. It is amazing how many companies try to sell you stuff and how many scammers claim that the recently deceased owe them money. Just make a list of the people that you do want to talk to. The rest can be told that you are resting and that you will be given a message. Your friend can make a list of callers and their phone numbers and one line messages. Only call back the ones you choose to call. This friend can also receive and deal with gifts of food or flowers. You can simply stay in a quiet place out of sight and deal with only the things you are ready for.

As for the money in lieu of flowers idea, use it if you need to. I do not think it is tacky. When people order flowers or send food they are trying to help you, to support you and show that they care. If you direct them to give the care and support that you really need, you are doing them a favor. Personally, I would much rather give you a check for $50 than to spend that amount for an arrangement that will be displayed for the funeral and then thrown out. It makes sense. If you were wealthy you may consider flowers an indication of others' concern for you and enjoy them. As it is, they can show their concern for you in a much more needed way.

Take care of yourself, this isn't easy. Please know that many of us have gone through this and will understand that your decisions will need to be the ones that are best for you. Hugs.

Most towns or counties have a potters field or paupers field where the indigent get buried. I would not ask for donations to pay for a funeral for him especially not in this economic climate when families everywhere are struggling.

Buy the plot for sure. $350 isn't a bad price. Cremation is definitely a lot cheaper than buying a casket and having a service with visitation, etc. They will charge you for every piece of paper, time for visitation, books, etc. Cremation and graveside service will cost you about half and most funeral homes offer a package to choose from that includes journal postings, handouts, and thank you's.

Some excellent suggestions here. First, check with state and local laws. A casket and/or vault and embalming might or might not be required. In my state, a person can be buried on their own property without a casket. However, inside the nearest town limits, a casket and vault are required. Each cemetery might also have their own requirements. You can save a lot of money if you're a do-it-your-selfer and you and your children don't mind dealing with your husband's corpse hands-on.

I have instructed my family to bury me on our property (we have some acreage) with no casket -perfectly legal in our state and locality. The main expense will be to hire someone to dig the grave and cover it up after the burial (probably a few hundred dollars).

My father-in-law wanted to be buried in a quilt his cousin gave him in his family's multi-generational cemetery. When he died in our local hospital, they kept him in in the morgue there (where it was cool) overnight. We had to obtain a burial permit from the local health department to transport him across state lines, but the state we buried him in also does not require a casket. Between these two states, embalming was also not required. We put him in the back of our Suburban and drove him over 300 miles to the rural family cemetery. We stopped at his house first to fetch the quilt, and we wrapped him in it.

A family member in the area knew the local funeral home director, who lent us straps to lower him into the grave and arranged for a guy to dig the grave and cover it up (a few hundred dollars). We had a brief, informal ceremony with just family (no preachers or funeral directors required).

My father-in-law got what he wanted -a simple burial, wrapped in a quilt, with no lavish ceremony. We didn't have to pay thousands or tens of thousands of dollars for funeral homes, which are mostly conglomerates nowadays, to line their greedy pockets at the expense of poor grieving family members.

Definitely do your homework. Look at all your options and be prepared, so when the time comes, you'll be ready to spring your plan into action (if you don't embalm, the clock is ticking with ongoing degradation of the body). If your state/local laws are as lax as they are here, you can save a lot of money by avoiding a casket, vault, embalming, etc. If your state laws aren't restrictive, but local laws are, research neighboring rural areas and nearby counties for their laws and contact local cemeteries there if needed.

Save additional money if you're not afraid to be "hands-on." If dealing with a decomposing corpse of your loved one is not appealing to you, then by all means contact every local funeral home, explain your situation, and see what they have to offer with your limited budget. That might be the best first step regardless, as they will know the local and state laws. Even if you don't need them to do the services, they might perform certain a la carte services, such as transportation of the body or digging of the grave. If you're dealing with a funeral home corporate conglomerate, they might not deal with you at all. They will likely try to sell you various packages, full of all kinds of useless add-ons. All they're interested in is your money.

We are donating to Science Care. They pick up body and will return ashes at zero cost.

If cremation is being considered, please get in touch with The Neptune Society who deals in Low Cost Cremation.

Future condolences and prayers...

Alkaline hydrolysis (aka Aquamation) gives you the same final outcome as cremation but is more environmentally friendly. Cost should fall between cremation and burial. So you can honour his wish to not be cremated.

My mom for years would tell me she wanted to be cremated. I was young so I just went along with it. When my dad died I was going through a depression due to other life events and this put me over the edge. Thank goodness my mom's sister assisted my mom with the funeral arrangements. There was a small service and my dad was then cremated and eventually my mom gave the ashes to his sister. I felt very awkward asking for them back. But then my mom saw someone's funeral and decided she wanted to be put in a crypt with no cremation. She doesnt have the funds for that. I intend to have her cremated same as my dad and I would get his and her ashes and keep them. I personally want to be cremated. Dont know why those with the least finances want to have a fancy funeral and plot etc. My mom planned for nothing. And unfortunately I have to manage it all when it comes time. In addition she is in a nursing home and on medicaid so there are rules regarding funeral costs that must be followed. I didnt buy the funeral ahead of time because I dreaded the task, as if she would die as soon as I did it. To this day she is still living but her life expectancy at 95 is getting shorter and shorter. Wishing you the best at this unfortunate time. It is hard to have to think about these things.

Sorry about your husband. I think you must do what you can afford to do-even if its creamation and a service at your home.

My family has had a few different experiences that may help you:

1) My mother died when I was a teenager, so I was not really involved in her arrangements (except for having to go look at caskets, which was so sad and traumatic, and her husband ended up going for the cheapest option anyway). But, she was buried in the county cemetery, and I was able to have my older brother's and dad's ashes buried in her plot later for much lower cost than if we had to purchase a plot for each. My other brother and I did a graveside service ourselves on the weekend when cemetery staff did not work, after the ashes were buried, and there was no cost for that. We didn't have markers made, but we knew they were there, plus we're not big on visiting graves anyway. If you belong to a church, your pastor or priest may officiate for you.

2) My adult daughter passed away unexpectedly several years ago. I was pretty active in my church and my congregation took it upon themselves to raise enough funds to pay for the cremation and a wonderful reception after the memorial. Tons of family and friends attended and participated in the service, with our pastor officiating. It still warms my heart that she had such a warm send-off in a heartbreaking time. My husband and son and daughter did some surfing and we held a "paddle-out" at their favorite beach. I created a biodegradable container for her ashes and they went out beyond the breakers and submerged them till they sank to the bottom. Flower leis were floated on the water at the spot. (I don't think that's technically legal, but we never had repercussions.)

3) My husband's sister lost her husband after a long illness a couple of years ago. He always thought he was going to survive and never made any pre-need arrangements. They had absolutely no money to work with, and no credit. The cremation care people suggested that his body could be donated to science for tissue and organ donation, after which the remainder of the body would be cremated at no cost, and the ashes returned. She thought that with his lifelong wish to help people, he would be okay with that, as were she and the family. Later, close family gathered on their property on a mountain top and buried his ashes under the first tree they had planted together decades before. Wife, children and grands each contributed to a marker of sorts made of rocks, pine cones and a plaque. Very low-key but meaningful, touching and satisfying. Also probably not technically legal, but nobody comes out to check. You just have to say when you pick up the ashes that you will retain them at your home.

Hope some of this helps. Wishing you peace in the journey.

I work at a cemetery and this is how I went about mine: Planning is your best bet. Buy before he passes so you are not in an emotional state. Take a friend with you, ask if they offer discounts for before need purchases. Cremation is inexpensive. If you are a member of Costco - they sell caskets. If you cremate you do not have to buy a fancy urn. Purchase an inexpensive one - shop around. When I buried my Mama, Daddy, Uncle, Grandmother, Brother and Sister, I purchase the lowest priced casket. I purchased al a cart instead of a package because the packages always have things you don't need or want. Keep a note book - my cemetery offers a pre-planning notebook. Blessings to you!

We have both set up prepayment funerals at the funeral home. Very simple, short service. Luckily, the cemetery chapel is right across from where he will be laid to rest, where his family is. So that's where we will have it.

I know you don't have much time left to do this and I am sad for you. Maybe have a graveside service, a local preacher if you know one. If he is a veteran, the funeral home should obtain a flag for him, free of charge. Obituaries are very expensive here, but a short note can be entered in the newspaper, or not.

When my husband passed we just had a cremation with plain box type urn. I had bought a cemetery plot years ago and there was one space left so we planned to place monument with both names on it and bury the urn in front and room for mine towards the back. Cremation was around 2k. My children wanted a visitation so we added to it for another $750 that the children paid for. Talk to a funeral director asap. They can give you helpful information

Im from small town and a rural church has plots for $100, so these prices do exist.

Someone here suggested veterans cemetery, but that only gives you what you already have...a plot. SSA will give $255 to spouse of deceased and you can ask funeral director for forms to get it. Not much, but take it. (As a note, only a spouse gets it - odd but true. If you remain unmarried after hubby does, no one can claim the 255 for your death. Unless the rules have changed this year, it's been same amount since 1954!)

First, visit funeral home(s) midway between your home (or hospital where he would be when he passes) and the cemetery you will use. Transport costs money.

Ask about pricing and discuss your financial situation. Some cemeteries mandate vault in the ground to put casket into, some don't. Some areas require embalming and some don't. Some caskets are thousands of dollars and some are very simple cheaper material. You can purchase a casket online as well.

When you use any part of funeral facility, there's a charge. Cutting costs will likely amount to funeral home picks up body, embalm or not depending on law in your area, the casket, no viewing or services at funeral home - only do graveside service, and a fee to dig/cover the grave.

Very simple affair at a graveside. The location where goodbye words are spoken will not diminish the meaning.

Best to begin comparison shopping for both of you now. You never know what can happen. Wished would be known and you could start making payments.

On another note, hubby's optimism by paying next years fees can be a good thing. Better than living with depression and despair.

Call and speak with several funeral homes in your area and explain your circumstances. In the area where I live burials ( with casket) can range from 5,000.-10,000. and up, depending on the type of casket selected and other services requested from the funeral services directors. For example one can reduce the cost by forgoing "visitation/viewing" at the funeral home (the funeral home will allow immediate family to view body after prepared and then close casket) you can request a "graveside only" service ( this avoids a lot of the extra costs. If there is no life insurance to help with the burial costs, perhaps you can speak with someone from his " golf club" group ( a buddy, golfing companion etc) and share the financial need with them and, requests them to raise some funds among the " golfing community"; If you are affiliated with a faith group, you can speak with the faith leader for potential help. A funeral home will often work with family for a " payment plan" but some will not. If you express your need to the funeral home and ask for a limited costs burial, sometimes they are prepared to help clients with financial needs or they can refer you perhaps to other resources in the community. Some people also " dedicate their bodies to science research" and if approved ( this has to be decided and signed for by the ill person while still cognitively alert ) , my understanding is that some costs for burial are then deferred. You would need to look into this with a hospital in your area. You can also enlist the financial support /contributions from family members. So, explore some options with funeral homes in your area, be honest with them about your financial distress, ask for their help, share that you only want the "bare minimum" of services and a limited cost casket; seek potential help from family or " golfing buddies". Talk with faith leader for referrals.

I went this morning and made my own plans and prepaid. I'm being cremated. I bought two boxes for my ashes. One is being buried with my husband and my son is taking the other ashes to be spread at the family farm in WV. With opening the grave here in Maine, boxes, mailing ashes and direct cremation I paid a total of $732.00. I thought that was reasonable. I'm not having a viewing, funeral service, luncheon, obituaries, etc. And there shouldn't be any fussing between my son and my stepsons. They all agreed on my arrangements.

my mom had meager funds. She wanted a regular burial, in another stated .. crazy how much the funeral home wanted to pick her up from the airport.. I had her cremated. It was also cheaper to have a grave side placement service. So check into the placement service. Not funeral service. I did find in another city close to me a company that did cremation cheaper if my mom had been sent there instead of the funeral home , I had chosen. Next , call around , you will find wide difference in pricing.

maybe you can get him to realize that whether he is not cremated or cremated the results are the same…

My mom had an end of life insurance policy for 7k which was a lifesaver. My religion does not allow cremation and neither do our Christian beliefs.
I remembered how nice and natural my in laws looked in Europe without puffed up, made up, unnatural looking embalming, so I looked into it and found out it is not necessary. That cut out over one thousand dollars. We did not have a wake. The church mass cost nothing as she and we are paying members. We chose a simple but elegant casket. I did not write over the entire check because I told the funeral director that I needed to have a lunch afterwards. The entire funeral cost $6,300. The obituary on their site was free. I didnt order flowers. Thankfully there were two beautiful arrangements sent by cousins. It was simple,elegant and dignified and most importantly, extremely spiritual..just like her.
Cemetery was an additional cost which me and my adult children all chipped in for. (I now know to up the $$ ante for my end of life insurance in order to cover that too.)

Since he doesn’t seem to care what you think or say and has made bad financial choices, I would cremate him. Not to get back, just practical because of your financial situation.