My husband just turned 63 but his health is not good. He suffered a stroke a year ago and since then has been diagnosed with dementia. We have discovered that the first doctor missed the signs so he has been dealing with this for about 5 years now. Once the stoke happened everything seemed to hit all at once. He entered assisted living in August of 2018. In the past few weeks his body is failing him and he is no longer able to stand. He is moved with a lift from wheelchair to bed and back to bed. He still knows me but struggles to carry on conversations. He usually only answers if you ask a question. He is comfortable and the staff loves him. They take good care of him. When I talk to family and friends, they seem to be in denial of the serious nature. I get comments like "do you let him drink from aluminum cans? have you tried coconut oil? are you making him work out? I know they are well intentioned but I get frustrated and do not know how to respond.
Unsolicited advice deserves a MAXIMUM two word or less response.
Best of luck to you, dear woman.
he was also incorrectly diagnosed for years. My in-laws esp. MIL have been openly hostile the whole time. Apparently this is all my fault. Somehow I made this happen and I am just trying to get rid of him. I have been told to try marijuana, I’m not trying hard enough to find better doctors and that he is my husband and I should be 100% taking care of him
you just have to remove these sorts of people from your life. They only make it harder to deal with the situation and offer no help
well...there is MCT oil. It is the extract and purification of only the “good” part of the oil. It is literally only the medium chain triglyceride. I do not know if this would still set off the allergic reaction. What part of coconut oil do you react to?
I just would tell people if there was a cure I would not provide it for him because even with a cure NOTHING would reverse the damage that has been done.
You could even ask these people if they eat or drink products from aluminum.
Do they always use coconut oil
Do they use deodorant (most contain aluminum)
But I would not waste the effort it takes to try to discuss this. A simple .."Thanks for your support" and walk away.
People who have not done actual care are clueless. I learned a lot caring for my Mom and she was basically easy. A caregiver I am not.
Stop explaining. They will never get it. If they ask, just say he is comfortable and happy. When they start theirvsuggestions, just say "Sorry, but not sure if I can explain any better than I have. His illness is severe and I really need ur support than ur suggestions."
If you relent and tell some well-meaning advice-giver that you will try their folk remedy, the next time you see them they will want to know all about it. Shut them down when someone gives unsolicited advice so you won't have to continue dealing with it ("now, did you do 2 drops or 3 because when I used coconut oil with my mother we started at 2 drops but found that 3 was much more effective, however we had to give it in the morning because....") Ugh. Unsolicited advice is the worst.
Your job while caring for your LO does not include listening to nonsense.
Coconut oil can help with the control of diabetes but nothing will reverse it. Just because the BG numbers go down does not mean it is reversed or cured.
Most of the advise is like telling some one to eat the belly button of a naval orange. Or tear the doughnut in half and eat only the hole.
Or tell them you have tried that it did not work for your LO. Suggest it might be a different little part of the brain affected and you will keep searching for holistic treatments.
I was told by some one to eat whole grains for my diabetes. Surprise, I had been eating that for years and still I became a type 2 diabetic.
Best I can suggest is to fake it and say something like "Sounds intersting I will check it out."
Good luck and remember to count to ten.
Oh my goodness! We switched to ALL aluminium, for everything. Pots, pans, plates, cups. You mean that was wrong?! I had no idea, how will I ever forgive myself...
Putting the minor irritations aside: your husband's dementia sounds most unusual and terribly aggressive, and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you both. Please do make the most of this and other forums. I think I can safely promise you that nobody will suggest any quick 'n' easy cures.
I would tell them that I doubt they are grasping the seriousness of the situation and coconut oil and exercise are not options.
You can also be very honest and say that you know they are trying to help and you appreciate them for their love, but they are saying put a bandage on the hole in the damn. It isn't even an option.
If you are a believer, tell them that they should pray for you both, that is the best thing they can do for the situation.
It is hard to gain reality on a situation that has you remembering a vital, energetic person who has become incapacitated since you have seen them. Our brains can't catch up until we see the new reality for ourselves.
Hugs, it is a difficult journey.
Yes, a lifetime of drinking from aluminum cans might have some impact on mental health (the jury is still out on that one), coconut oil does seem to help to prevent some dementia is some circumstances...but, it is pretty useless information when dealing with the dementia and stroke which is the reality now.
People think they are telling you a great newsflash. They are disconnected from the reality you are dealing with. Sometimes I think people offer this sort of useless advice because they cannot think of anything else to say.
I get that you have some knowledge of the benefits, all the medium chain thingy, do you know of a substitution that gives the same benefit? I am asking a serious question, not being funny.