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My mother is soon to go to Memory Care. It's a really nice place and I think she will be good there. I'm trying to figure out how I handle her petty cash finances for her. (I have POA.) I live a long distance from her and therefore cannot bop in daily/weekly with extra things she may need or want. I can order online of course. But if she goes on an excursion and wants to buy something. Does she keep cash in her wallet? A credit card? She has Alzheimer's and money is something she is fiercely protective of and suspicious about and her link to feeling in control. I'm sure they will help me there, but can anyone give us an idea?
Thanks!

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We gave my step-mother a prepaid credit card, $100, in the last 2 years she has used a whopping $25 of it.

My brother & I order whatever she needs from Amazon and everything else is billed to her account at the AL.
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My mother's memory care recommended not keeping more than $5 in her room. Speak with the staff at your mother's memory care. They probably have a way of putting activity expenses on her monthly bill. My mother's MC was trustworthy, so I set up an account at a local pharmacy with a credit card on file so that they could order personal care items that she needed. I found that staff at my mother's MC facility was not good at letting me know when she needed clothing, pajamas, etc. I didn't live far and was able to check every season. At MC facilities, you'll also find that clothes that aren't hers end up in her closet. I just accepted that she was wearing things that she wouldn't have chosen for herself. The best clothing in MC is clothing that can be washed and dried in hot water (and they don't separate the colors). Elastic waist pants, and tops that are easy to put on and off, sweaters with no buttons. Comfortable clothing.
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bcasteel Apr 2022
We had problems with the facility putting her clothes back in her room. Socks especially. They wouldn't sort them out to each person. Threw them all in a bin and just used what they grabbed. Her name was on all of hers too! I bought all of her clothes at thrift shops, but made sure I didn't buy "name brand" because they would disappear.
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The residents of MC have NO NEED for cash or credit cards; if there is an expense incurred, it's billed to their room and payable by their POA as part of their monthly bill ie: haircut, excursion lunch, etc. I know; I paid my mother's Memory Care bill every month for nearly 3 years, and her ALF bill for nearly 5 years prior to that.

It's unreasonable to expect an elder suffering from Alz/dementia to keep money on them and to pay for anything! When mom insisted on having cash in her wallet, I gave her a $20 bill back in 2019 when she moved into Memory Care. When I cleaned out her room after she passed in late February, that $20 bill was in her wallet in the exact same place she put it nearly 3 years earlier.

If your loved one is in a Memory Care ALF where they're expected to pay for services in cash, something is OFF, big time. Now, the elder may DEMAND to have cash on them and INSIST there are things they 'must' pay for, but that's a different story entirely. I'd give her a $20 bill or 4 $5s and leave it at that b/c the one thing you DO NOT want to do is give an elder with dementia a bunch of cash in a Memory Care AL situation and then have endless discussions constantly about who 'stole it'!!!!!!! :(
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What kind of excursions do you think they'll be taking her on? My mom's MC didn't take them anyplace where money would be needed.

If they have someone who comes in to do hair or manicures, they usually just add it to the bill at the end of the month.

I wouldn't see any need for her to have cash.
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When my mom was in assisted living, they had shopping trips and ice cream outings, but memory care residents typically do not go on excursions. They are in a locked down area for a reason. There is barely enough staff to maintain their meals, meds, bathing, laundry, etc. There is no way they can manage taking folks with dementia to a store for shopping. If you as the family member would like to pick her up and take her somewhere, that is an option, but then you can hand her the money/wallet while there.

After being placed in memory care, If she still is still adamant about carrying a purse or wallet, let her keep one with a dollar in it or better yet, fake money. Outside of that, mark my word, it will get taken or lost.

Memory care is a different world. They take each others clothes, go into each others rooms, take each others teeth....no joke. They no longer have the mental capacity to understand boundaries or even recognize their own things.

I know all of this may sound shocking to you, but you will get it once she is in there for a bit. The anxiety about it all subsides and you get to a point where you're happy if they are safe, well fed and taken care of. The other superficial things in life that we placed value on fade away.
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I have the exact same issue with my aunt who is residing in a SNF for the last 6 months. She keeps wanting her ‘cash box’, her Will, checkbook, and various other things she thinks she needs. Fiercely protective, as you say, of control of her money. Over and over she calls me about wanting it, the facility does not want her to have any money or her Will or the other unsecured items there. Because she was stressing about it, we gave her $50 in $5 bills and put it one of those zippered pouches you hang around your neck that travelers use to keep their money close to them. She was happy for that and she keeps it around her neck or in a locked drawer they gave her a key for (which she also keeps around her neck). It has eliminated most of the money issues, but not entirely. Sometimes she’ll bring it up again when she goes off to church with a friend and it reminds her she wants to put money in the collection box, or other things she thinks she needs to have, so it can also be a trigger. She needs money for nothing at the facility, and she doesn’t always show me how much she has left, so that is a little hard to maneuver at times. Otherwise I just keep saying ‘I’ll look into it,’ and she seems mostly ok with that for the time being. At the facility there is a special account I can put money into as one of the other commenters said, and we put money in it for haircuts, etc., but that does not meet the level of control she seeks. It is definitely a challenge to keep ideas flowing to let them have what they think they need. Keep the faith, one step at a time!
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I gave my Dad $60 and an expired driver license to have in his wallet that he’s carried all his life. His facility (very small) does not do trips so he only goes out with me. Insists on paying for breakfast or Dollar Store trips etc. It’s his gentlemanly way. It makes him happy. He also wanted checks, but I have been successful at diverting that subject!
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We handled a similar situation with my mother, now deceased, and currently my MIL who also has dementia.. both were insistent on having money in their purse, both memory care patients.
you can order play money called "prop money" which is used in the motion picture industry. I crumpled it up to "age" it a little then flatten it out. Even the memory care staff called me once to tell me that my Mom had a lot of money in her purse!!
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My mom feels the same about money. She always had cash on her and her cards. She carried her purse to all the meals and wanted to write checks. I told her this was like a cruise ship. Everything is included, however, I agree that 100.00 cash is a good idea and I gave her a debit card with 200.00 on it - I set up a separate account for this debit card. She moved in to the AL October 2020 and by October of 2021, she was not obsessed about money. I sent her items from Amazon (like her fav shoes or capri palazzo pants) and I set up a system to pay the hairdresser. When she fell because she tripped, I asked her to please leave her purse in her apartment because I need her to be able to hold on so she doesn’t fall. The PT guy suggested this and mom agreed to try. She now doesn’t even think about her purse and the 100 dollars is still in it along with the debit card. Her peace of mind was important to me and this compromise gave her the feelings that she is independent with her own cash.
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The facility sets up an account. Give her monopoly money. Memory residents don't believe or realize they are taking something that doesn't belong to them.she can pay for incidentals from the account
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