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This is a good question. I have been an in-home caregiver for a long time. I've worked for agencies but only take private work now. Recently I was contacted by a woman who is desperate to find care for her elderly, completely invalid mother with dementia. She wants an experienced, dependable, compassionate and competent CNA for the position. No payment for the work. Free room and board in the mother's apartment to assume the responsibility and care of her 24/7 is being offered. As a caregiver I come to expect that families will try to tug at my heart strings to get cheap care for their "loved one". After many times being taken advantage of by families, I've learned to let no amount of begging and pleading sway me where my pay is concerned. There's an old saying, 'You get what you pay for'. Yet, so many families want the very best of care for nothing or next to it. This woman was rather put out by me telling her this. Maybe this woman can find an abbey to drop her mother off at where Catholic nuns will provide her care for free Or check local homeless shelters for someone to provide her mom's care for room and board with no pay. Maybe she'll get lucky. Not likely she'll find free care anywhere else. Know your worth caregivers. We make your life possible. We make it possible for you to hold a job, have a life, go on vacation, because we take the responsibility and misery of caring for your elderly "loved one" so you don't have to. We deserve to get paid for this and paid decently for it. In-home caregivers like me save you and your family a fortune because no matter how well you pay us, it's nowhere near what you'd be paying out for a nursing home or assisted living facility.

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I googled Rebecca west. British and I haven't heard of her. But I need one of those t-shirts.
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Now, was it Margaret Trudeau..? Or some equally noteworthy lady, I'm sure someone will put me right, who said:

"whenever I express any sentiment that distinguishes me from a doormat, people call me a feminist."

Chellyfla, similarly Burntcaregiver says what she thinks of people who think it right and fair to EXPLOIT her and your first thought is "so hostile. She must be in the wrong job."

Now I haven't been in this role for nearly as long as Burntcaregiver and my sense of humour is therefore intact (so far) (mostly). But within weeks of my starting with my service, clients' family members were dropping heavy hints about how marvellous it would be if they could find someone "like your team" to come and live with their parent and be her full-time caregiver. You could live in this lovely house! With our lovely mother whom you like so much! And we would *pay* you, as well....

I usually did like the lovely mother very much. But it didn't take me long to twig that such family members have usually just found out how much a reputable care service costs.
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Lots of hostility in your post. Maybe being a caregiver isn't really for you. Finding good care for a person for whom you are responsible is trying and full of risks. Caregivers often pose a risk to their clients, are unreliable, or don't really have their heart in the job and resent even having to do it. There's no special qualifications for a person who labels themselves an unlicensed "caregiver," which is the only type of care most people can afford, and there are many people who turn to this type of job because they can't qualify for a job anywhere else. Affordable in home care stretches most people's resources to their limits. As a result, families often do try to bargain and offer free resources to help make care more affordable. The problem is a US social policy that has totally turned a blind eye to anyone who is not eligible for Medicaid long term care. Put the blame where it belongs...with our government. In the meantime, if you continue to do this kind of work, just say no but try to be a little more understanding. One day you may find yourself in the same situation.
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Thank you! I agree. As a caregiver, I can tell you it's backbreaking work. I've been in situations where I'm charging the average for my geographic area. When I asked for a raise, after proving myself to be competent and reliable, the client said she "couldn't" pay another few dollars an hour. However, she has a closet full of clothes with tags still on, and mail ordering more every week. She is also currently doing maintenance and improvement to her house. But if it weren't for me and my alternate, together working 7 days a week, 3 visits a day, she'd have to be placed in a nursing home. Not living in reality. Her family won't help and have moved across the country. I feel for the client, as she has lost the use of her legs. Yet I have worked like a dog and at times, neglected my family for this job. No more. When you're so exhausted you can't stay awake to wash your car or help your son with his homework, it's time to find another job. I'm willing to be an alternate for this person a few times a week, bit that's all.
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So she is looking for someone to do what she is not willing to do herself and not get paid at all?  She needs to think again.  Even people who take and elder into their own home in the Adult Foster Care Program get paid and these people are much higher functioning than her description of mother.  I believe the current rate in my area for a live-in aide is $240.00/day and they have to have 8 hours off to sleep, which means if mom need 24 hour care you also need an awake night person @$26.00/hour and you need two family members or friends available (on-call) to cover if the Aide is not available.
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Audrey17 Aug 2020
Yes. Give the client a brochure detailing the prices for care through an agency. A wake up call is needed.
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The first and worst concern for a 24/7 caregiver being promised free room and board is that the caregiver will not be making contributions to Social Security and Medicare for the caregiver's own future. Anyone who thinks that free room and board is a fantastic benefit to offer someone in the U.S. is living in the U.K. Middle Ages. Then, there's the concern about the lack of Workers Comp if and when the caregiver sustains an injury in the act of transferring a heavy and immobile person between bed and toilet, etc. No relief there either unless the family is willing to shell out and if such a family were willing to do so in the first place they wouldn't have dangled the offer of free room and board as a benefit. Then, on the other side... any prospective caregiver accepting free room and board might not be the greatest candidate for a 24/7 position because -- particularly in today's awful climate -- they may be doing it because they have no other choices of where to live. Beware, beware, beware.
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Imho, you run a business model and as such, the fees are what YOU state.
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I fully agree with you but also have extreme compassion for those families without the income to pay for in home care. Many Many people simply do not have the money to pay $25/hr for in home care. I was one of them.
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con3ill Aug 2020
Does anyone on this thread have access to a PACE program in their region? It stands for Program for All Access Care for the Elderly and it's funded half by Medicare and half by Medicaid. If you have access to it it's a life-changer. I had a good job when my husband had a near-fatal stroke in late 2011. He spent months in a skilled nursing facility receiving very good care. We private-paid because 1) we could, and 2) I didn't want us to get sucked into the Medicaid system. Once he was able to be safely discharged home, private care for two 12 hour shifts consumed HALF of my monthly take home pay. And that's when I had a good job, which I lost five years ago. Yes, it's expensive. But please look into PACE. It was a lifesaver for us.
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In the old old days back in the 40's, it was very common for very old people crippled by arthritis or other problems to solicit and obtain a younger spinster or widow in her 60'sbut healthy to live with and care for the handicapped person in return for yes just free room and board.At least 3 of these situations I saw as a teenager seemed very amicable.In all of them, the 90 or older person paid for a yard man, grocery deliveries a onece a week maid, and transportation. The "companion shared the life of the crippled elder 24/7 5 days a week.They had weekends off while loved ones visited with and cared for their veryold loved one. None of the 3 companionsusually went anywhere on their "weekends off" very often.They usually just took a respite in their private bedroom and bath. going only for ocassional outings with their own loved ones.These three ladies had only very small incomes and were glad to have free room and board in return for relatively easy work.In all 3 instances, the arrangements lasted 3 years or less before the elders had to go into nursing homes because they could no longer handle their own affairs.they all seemed cheerful and happy. I, of course, cannot really know. I also do not know what other arrangements they made when their employers had to go into nursing homes.What I do know, I learned from my then 63 year old aunt who was such a live in caregiver for 2 years.She later moved in with a friend and they shared expenses.She often spoke happily about the money she "put in the bank" when she was that 2 year caregiver.For the last year of her lifeshe lived with her grand daughter and died at 96.
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Agree with what you said. That lady was offering you a prison position!
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Agree that good care should be well paid. However, in home 24 hour care is far more expensive than assisted living and really even nursing home care. And the same issues remain in terms of reliability and turnover.
you seem jaded (if the job is misery I am curious why you still do it). I am sorry you have been taken advantage of, and glad you have found your voice.
my mom is in a memory care home after I had considered some in home care support (I offered $25-30 and hour and benefits). I realized she needed the socialization and engagement and 24 hour supervision and other people around, and she wouldn’t get that at home. ... and having her in our home wasn’t her home anyhow. Her memory care home is top notch and we pay quite a bit above the average, but I believe in that old adage too... you get what you pay for.
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Well said and unfortunately people do not even begin to understand what a caregiver's job entails. I could not begin to pay the sitters for my parents and an aunt what they are worth. They are worth their weight in gold! I cannot imagine trying to get by without them! After 8 months they feel more like family. My dad's sitters even attended his funeral. Our sitters are well paid and fed while they are working as well. They are welcome to anything they chose to eat.
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Im aware that it’s illegal for someone to try to use the “room and board” as payment or even count toward partial payment for nannies - this seems like it would apply to caregivers as well- a caveat is if the employer is the one who requires live in care they cannot then offer the room as payment/ partial payment. Of course if the family is the one who needs/ wants someone to live there they cannot claim the room the help sleeps in as payment. A good response to this is to let them know you don’t need a place to live you have your own place to live but if they need a caregiver to live there they must pay them a salary
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FloridaDD Aug 2020
Federal law does not preclude rent charges to caregivers.  Some states may say it is illegal, or limit it.  The answer to any job offer you don't like is no (optional - tell them what you want) and move along.
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I hear you. I’m a daughter (1 of 5 children). I gave up my career in exchange to do eldercare for my parents. And that is exactly what they expect. My father actually said, “Oh, I thought room and board was enough.” I am learning the hard way!! I have contacted an elder care lawyer to help put some of this in place. Including a contract for what I do. I’m thankful for the comments on this site that opened my eyes to the necessity of legal documents and clear arrangements for elder care. Thanks for being another reminder of the value we provide!!
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CTTN55 Aug 2020
I just read your previous posts. You have been treated extremely unfairly by your family.

Have you at least made an appointment with an eldercare attorney to draw up a contract so that you get paid?

One of your posts said that your parents are saving their money to pass on to children and grandchildren. And here you are, doing all the work.
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We often see posts from family members wanting a situation just like this, free room and board for 24/7 in home care. They are brought to their senses quite quickly. In my area 24/7 with three eight hour caregivers is in the area of 12K a month. A live in, if you calculate overtime is very costly.

I think these families are many time clueless and do not want to try to get medicaid for their loved ones, and quite simply overwhelmed and dont know where to start. A live in for room and board is the simplest route if you can find someone worthwhile that is stupid enough or desperate enough to accept it.
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Exactly. I can't believe they think a room is worth being saddled with a person 24/7is worth it. They will be in for a rude awakening when trying to take their loved one to assisted living, or a nur$$ing home.
Stand up for yourself. I would tell them that you need to pay your bills too. I would stop the sob story in its tracks.
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I just saw a recent post on our community FB page from a woman who wanted someone for her dad from Thursday evenings through Monday mornings and was willing to pay the princely sum of $12/hr. "even when you're sleeping." No mention of food.

Extra bonus: The caregiver gets to share a bedroom with incontinent Dad who often wakes up yelling from nightmares, too!

Several of us commented that the poster's pay level was unrealistic, and she responded that "I don't need everyone's negativity -- just give me names of who I can call."

Nothing anyone could do but shake our heads and let her figure it out herself.
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People requesting a live in aide for room and board only are clueless. And expect them to be there 24/7. Members here have told these aides that agreed to this are slaves. No one should agree to being a live in unless they have a place to go if it doesn't work out. Even live in maids in Big houses get salaries. There was one aide the woman deducted rent from her pay.

After caring for my Mom, I respected CNAs and felt they are not paid enough. As you said, u get what u pay for.
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And yet we see this question here all the time.. Can I get some one to take care of parent for room and board? It always amazed me that they are on this site, with all its stories, and can still ask that question!
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Personally, you couldn't pay me enough to do 24/7 caring. Even when it's been for DH during one of his issues, I always became very angry at some point over the fact I was 'on' every second of every day and not only not getting 'paid' but actually being abused as DH was so difficult and demanding.

So you get room and board? That's the most basic needs met. What about some money to pay for a haircut? Or a meal out? Or the car payment? It goes far beyond a room and food.

Even slaves were paid. Even the lowliest servant on an English manor got paid. Granted, not much, but they got something.
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I believe slavery has been outlawed in most countries. Since then offering only room and board for 24/7 work has been illegal.

And expecting one person to be on call 24/7 is ridiculous.
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2020
It sure is ridiculous. There's a lot of people who expect a live-in caretaker to work and take care of their loved one 24/7 in exchange for room and board instead of pay. A lot of that going on in the world of private homecare that's not through an agency who generally rob their employees blind and offer them nothing. No benefits, no paid sick time, no holidays, nothing. Normally the agency takes two-thirds of the money that's collected for the worker per hour too.
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This would be a very good topic for the "discussions" thread.
Many people do not have the money to get the care for their elder that is needed; that doesn't mean that you, doing the word, do not need, deserve and should get a living wage.
This is the dilemma, and this is why so many end in care in institutions. It's very sad and more and more a fact of life as we are forced to live ever longer with ever less.
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BurntCaregiver Aug 2020
I know that is true. Medicaid and long-term care insurance will pay ridiculously high amounts, sometimes up to $15,000 a month for a person to be in a care facility, yet they won't pay out anything to a private, fully-licensed and certified CNA working for themselves to come into the home and care for the person. It would save a fortune, yet it's not allowed.
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I agree with you that people should be valuing you and willing to pay you well for your service. It’s hard work!! But, I beg to differ on the cost vs a decent nursing home or care facility. My analysis found that quality 24 hr in home care for my mom was going to cost considerably more than a good care facility and it was a huge factor in my decision that she just couldn’t stay at home any longer.
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FloridaDD Aug 2020
This.  Unless a relative is providing some of the care, I think 24 hour care is more cost effective in a facility.  Now, some families can do that, some cannot.   Some elderly loved ones sleep through the night, some do not.  There is no one size fits all.
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Well said
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