So I will start out saying that I am here out of what I can only describe as desperation and total exhaustion from trying my best to help my once kind and loving 65 year old mom while she recovers from significant back surgery(s) but her behavior is beginning to Terrify me and I do not scare easily.. She will not even discuss being seen by a doctor and trusts no one, has increasingly isolated herself and determined that all her friends are "in cohoots with my dad who is 'out to get her'' - which I cannot overstate how ridiculous this statement is as our family grew up in a large group of close friends and their kids whom we all have considered family our entire lives (I am 35), and to think that Just because my mom and dad no longer get along and finally decided to get the divorce they should have gotten 30 years ago that "all of our close friends/family would betray her trust in a petty taking of sides with my dad is beyond delusional, yet here we are. She became so toxic and delusional with the accussations and hateful language that the last hangers on were finally driven away in what can only be described as acts of self preservation which Mom further lists as evidence in the grand conspiracy against her... She screams and cries, literally screaming and crying most nights from the second she lays down until the early morning hours as the sun rises and she can scream and holler and wail like I have never imagined was possible and then always claims that she either doesn't remember that or that I am lying which is further concerning... Her behavior has become beyond paranoid and hostile towards me at times despite my being the most solid, loving and caring rock in her life as I own my own business and have the luxury of working from a home office and can spend some time now trying to get her back to a state of normalcy but I guess I am trying to figure out what the hell to do next as I have no idea how to broach a subject such as having an exam done or how to find out if there is something serious like Alzheimer's going on when she won't even see a psychiatrist despite her constant agony and deep deep depression.... I am exhausted as she seems to have learned to scream even louder than my noise canceling head phones can block out now and then pretends that everything is normal and fine only to repeat the insanity over again and lash out at me over the silliest of things like a potted plant getting tipped over while we do something setting her into a screaming borderline violent rage and then tearful fit of scream/crying which goes on for hours and "has ruined such a perfect day" - I said to her mom if a plant falling causes this kind of reaction then there most certainly something else very wrong with this day already as this response does not match the event at all.... how have you all approached the subject of your Loved ones potential mental deterioration or age/situation related changes and decline because Thats where I am stuck as something obviously needs to be done in terms of helping her to live with a simblance of joy and independace again but I cannot for the life of me figure out what to do and my own doctor and psychiatrist were both rather un-helpful when I have asked for advice I am told she should "see a doctor"... REALLY??? you don't say! ugh.... any words of wisdom from any who have experienced similar changes and disturbing behaviors would be greatly welcome and appreciated. My mom was always a joyful, kind and wonderful, active woman who I fear is spiralling into a state from which she may not return if she doesnt seek help so Thanks and god bless you. I am grateful for all responses in advance and hopeful that someone has been where we are and knows a way to another, happier place in life. -Ryan-
You say Mom has been recovering from significant surgery on her back. When was this done and did anesthesia (general) have anything to do with this change?. That is to say did this change occur with the surgery?
Does your mother have any history of mental health issues?'Is your mother on strong pain medications? Who is speaking to your Mom's doctor on her behalf?
Has she had her urine checked. Urinary tract infects often occur following catheterization inhospital. If this is a sudden change it could be urine infection; you can get dip stick at your local pharmacy over the counter; ask the pharmacist to explain how to do it to see if a urine C&S should go in to MD.
You do not allow someone to scream and cry in bed. This will mean an ER visit for diagnosis if your mother will refuse to go to a doctor. You cannot allow this change in behavior to continue without help for your Mom. Call Adult Protective Services if you must and report a senior at risk. Tell them what you have told us. I wish you the best of luck and hope you will update us.
You can not give her joy and happiness, this only comes from within. So please stop setting yourself up for failure by trying to accomplish something that you can not.
Whatever is happening will eventually drive you mad, no person can continue a normal life with this behavior nightly.
As hard as that call will be to make it will be the start of getting her the help that she obviously needs desperately.
Best of luck getting her the care that will help her lead a better life in this season of her life.
She may be drinking a whole lot more than you realize, and THIS may be at the ROOT of much of the behavior you're seeing. Some people are very miserable and sad weepy drunks. If you're unsure of her alcohol intake, search the garbage for empty bottles, the cabinets, garage and dresser drawers for bottles stashed, things like that.
It sounds like you putting your foot down and saying that she can no longer keep the status quo gets her attention.
When she starts on the self pity you just have to ignore it or call it for the bs it is. I would be telling my mom, yeah, I am against you, that's why we are living together and you're making my life a living nightmare with your self pity indulgence.
Oh and no more alcohol. This pity party attitude is definitely being made worse by the nightly over indulgence. She is quite frankly being very selfish to self medicate this way.
You need to call 911 to get her that, it seems.
In any decent hospital, that will include ruling out medical reasons for her delusions and psych symptoms.
Please call 911 and get her the help she needs.