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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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This is a common struggle for those in these situations. Often caregiving... does bring this front and center. I sincerely think the best thing to do is find a good therapist for you. And visiting Mom is on your terms IF you visit at all, how often if you do visit, and for how long per visit and when. What ever you are comfortable with. And don't promise to Mom specific days etc. You may want to keep that vague so you can go when you are up to it. Again that's if you visit at all. You can always call the facility for information about Mom without visiting, assuming you are POA.
The place now to address you adult issues as a child who was abused is with a good cognitive therapist.
To my mind, you do not owe your abuser anything that you do not WISH to give her. She is in care. That is a good thing. You cannot change her past or your own. But you are a grownup. And now you are responsible to make the best life for yourself you can, in order that this not be passed forward generationally.
I am so sorry for the pain of your past. The best thing a parent can give a child is love and self esteem, in my personal opinion. Sadly, your parent was too limited to do that. My heart goes out to you. Get yourself the help you deserve.
She is in MC being cared for and safe. You only need to do the bare minimum. Do you have POA? Your responsibility there is to make sure her money lasts as long as possible then its Medicaid staying in the MC if they except it or transferring to LTC. You do have to provide her toiletries and clothing. You can just drop them off. You can visit when u want and only stay 15 min. She has no conception of time.
Those abused should never care for the abuser. You can forgive her because seems all she knew was abuse and carried it on. But forgiveness doesn't mean u forget. Does not mean you trust. Doesn't mean you have to have a relationship.
Agree with all of this . I limited my visits and at one point went no contact at all including phone for 6 weeks because of my mother’s behaviors . But you don’t have to visit or call at all .
i would like to expand on the “ drop off “ clothing etc.
I would drop things off for the staff to bring to Mom’s room , however there was a time my mother used to like to sit in the chair closest to the lobby to watch people come and go . So she would see me and start berating me.
So I asked the facility if I could call from the parking lot and they send a staff member outside to my car to take the items from me . They said of course . It worked out well .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Often caregiving... does bring this front and center.
I sincerely think the best thing to do is find a good therapist for you.
And visiting Mom is on your terms IF you visit at all,
how often if you do visit, and for how long per visit and when. What ever you are comfortable with. And don't promise to Mom specific days etc. You may want to keep that vague so you can go when you are up to it. Again that's if you visit at all. You can always call the facility for information about Mom without visiting, assuming you are POA.
Let the MC staff care for her. Don’t associate yourself with abusers.
To my mind, you do not owe your abuser anything that you do not WISH to give her. She is in care. That is a good thing. You cannot change her past or your own. But you are a grownup. And now you are responsible to make the best life for yourself you can, in order that this not be passed forward generationally.
I am so sorry for the pain of your past. The best thing a parent can give a child is love and self esteem, in my personal opinion. Sadly, your parent was too limited to do that. My heart goes out to you. Get yourself the help you deserve.
Those abused should never care for the abuser. You can forgive her because seems all she knew was abuse and carried it on. But forgiveness doesn't mean u forget. Does not mean you trust. Doesn't mean you have to have a relationship.
But you don’t have to visit or call at all .
i would like to expand on the “ drop off “ clothing etc.
I would drop things off for the staff to bring to Mom’s room , however there was a time my mother used to like to sit in the chair closest to the lobby to watch people come and go . So she would see me and start berating me.
So I asked the facility if I could call from the parking lot and they send a staff member outside to my car to take the items from me . They said of course . It worked out well .