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My mom moved onto our property 2 1/2 years ago into a tiny home that we built for her. Recently my 2 sisters came to visit. While they were visiting, my mom & I got into a disagreement. My sisters suddenly wanted to know all of the details of the past 2 1/2 years between my mom & I .I blew up! It turned into a 6 hour heated discussion.Does anyone have any advice on how to handle these situations?I felt disrespected and was not given the benefit of the doubt.Was I wrong, or is it their business? Thanks!

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Hi Lee, welcome to are forum , if you can fill out the profile, it makes it easier for us to answer you questions.

My feeling is if the sisters where that worried about your mom that you have been doing everything you can for 2 + years they should of been helping more, and be much much more understanding of why you may have argued with mom . I'm sure this is very stressful, and they definitely should be helping, and NOT judging you! I bet that they would have some anger issues after 2 years also.

It's tough on family's when they see a decline and they seem to blame the one doing most of the work.

I wish there was more information on family conflicts for aging, this seems to be an epidemic .

Im really sorry, I have no good advice for you. If I did my family wouldn't be such a mess either.

A very different situation than yours, mom doesn't live with me. With that being said, I have learned to let go of things that I disagree with my family on, and learning to just take care of me. I know how much I'm doing, I know I'm doing as much as I can do given my situation, and I know how far and what I'm willing to do in the future. I have let my family know what to expect of me and what not to expect of me, I'm stuck to that and put up my boundaries.

Also I've learned, when my family does something that upsets me. I feel it for a while, then I let go of that drama, I let it all go. Let go let God, let the cookies crumble.

I'm hoping with work I can stop that instant gut feeling before it boils up in me. I'm working on that, for now though I'm very happy because I'm much better at not letting it fester in me for days.

That probably wasn't very helpful, but best of luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Anxietynacy
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Nobody should ever agree to a 6 hour heated discussion about anything! When you feel disrespected in your own home, you need to tell your sisters it's time to END the discussion, period. If sissies feel better equipped to deal with mother, then they should scoop her up and take her home with THEM, leaving you in peace. You can rent out the tiny home and make some income while removing yourself from the family drama.

Best of luck setting down some boundaries for YOURSELF moving forward.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Please fill in your profile for us so that we can in future answer you more completely.

Really this isn't a Forum that can help much with troubled dynamics that involve family and ongoing family interactions. I can't tell you how best to handle your sisters, but I doubt a 6 hour discussion helps anything.

As far as family visits go, as Dr Laura says, keep interactions short and just be polite.
You give us no details regarding how this connects with your mother living on your property. We can't make up details. Sorry answers are therefore quite incomplete.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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MLee123, could you give us more information, such as is your Mom independent and does things on her own? Still drive? Or does she have memory issues? And/or is a fall risk? Without that information it can make it difficult to answer your question. Please help us :)
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Reply to freqflyer
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Sisters aren’t necessarily unreasonable in wanting to know how you and M have been coping, but they ARE unreasonable in getting into a 6 hour argument on your property. I’d suggest that a good way to cope would be to ask them to go away and think about what they want to know, then write to you with their questions. You can then decide what is reasonable to tell them. It’s better if you can stay on good terms.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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“Boundaries” by Townsend and Cloud.
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Reply to 97yroldmom
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There’s not a scenario where I’d participate in a six hour discussion about much of anything. But then I’ve lost the need to explain and justify what I do. In your shoes, I’d gladly answer basic questions and if it continued past there, I’d bow out and offer to move the tiny house with mom in it to their backyard
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Not alot of info to go on here .

However , if Mom is competent , Mom can decide to stay or to live somewhere else other than on your property whenever she chooses , and there would be no reason for you to be in a 6 hour discussion with sibs .
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Reply to waytomisery
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