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He accuses me of "playing dumb" to avoid doing something or just trying to make him look foolish. When he starts speaking gibberish, I know we're in for an argument. I need an Alzheimer's dictionary!
In my home, these past few weeks, I get discouraged because it seems e v e r y t h i ng requires a long conversation leading to disagreement. He focuses on the meaning or definition of one word and not on the topic at hand. And it's not all him, it's me losing patience, unable to speak his language. I have to walk away.
The thing is, that it comes and goes. There is no diagnosis of dementia, but you should see his drawing of a clock! You cannot fault him, it is not wrong, it is just different than everybody else's clock.
His doctor gave him a mini-mental exam a year ago. She did not catch his errors because she speaks a different language, not English as a first language.
I am going to comment on your reply... You should make an appointment with a Neurologist or a Neuropsychologist. With further more in depth exam you should get an accurate diagnosis. As far as the drawing of the clock...if he did not draw a traditional analog clock with the 12 at the top, the 3, 6 and 9 in the proper place. And the hands pointing to the time that was asked for then his clock IS wrong. You can say it is just different than everyone else's clock but that is you denying the fact. It does not help him nor you. The fact that his doctor did not catch his "errors" because she spoke a different language should have made you push to get him to a different doctor so an accurate test could be done. You are an advocate for him and that means that you do what you can to help him get the medical care that he needs. Just as you would advocate for yourself if you thought that your doctor misdiagnosed you.
Primary progressive aphasia can't be cured, and there are no medicines to treat it. However, some therapies might help improve or maintain your ability to communicate and manage your condition.
Speech and language therapy: Working with a speech-language pathologist, focusing primarily on ways to make up for lost language skills, can be helpful. Although speech and language therapy can't stop the progression of the condition, it can help you manage your condition. The therapy also may slow the progression of some symptoms.
Physical and occupational therapy: In cases where symptoms affect movement and balance, working with a physical therapist and occupational therapist can help manage the symptoms."
I'm with Alva... You learn to respond with I didn't realize that Can you tell me more That's interesting Let me go get a drink and when I get back you can tell me more. (no reason you have to return right away) If you think you are in for an argument...WALK A WAY. Don't engage. If you start to respond in a way that will set him off it will just spiral.
Just respond "Is that so?...." or "What do you think about that, then?" or "Lordy, my ears are getting soooooo bad. Can you repeat that, hon". You know the drill. You are dealing with someone with dementia, meaning there's just not a lot you can do. Some dementias have more "anger" associated, FTD, Lewy's, etc. There's no understanding it. You now are well and he has dementia. I know you know that means you are speaking different languages now as surely as though you were speaking English and he, Greek. Lots of things regarding this disease have no answer. This is one.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would not advise telling anyone they are "dumb"
e v e r y t h i ng requires a long conversation leading to disagreement.
He focuses on the meaning or definition of one word and not on the topic at hand. And it's not all him, it's me losing patience, unable to speak his language.
I have to walk away.
The thing is, that it comes and goes. There is no diagnosis of dementia, but you should see his drawing of a clock! You cannot fault him, it is not wrong, it is just different than everybody else's clock.
His doctor gave him a mini-mental exam a year ago. She did not catch his errors because she speaks a different language, not English as a first language.
You should make an appointment with a Neurologist or a Neuropsychologist.
With further more in depth exam you should get an accurate diagnosis.
As far as the drawing of the clock...if he did not draw a traditional analog clock with the 12 at the top, the 3, 6 and 9 in the proper place. And the hands pointing to the time that was asked for then his clock IS wrong.
You can say it is just different than everyone else's clock but that is you denying the fact. It does not help him nor you.
The fact that his doctor did not catch his "errors" because she spoke a different language should have made you push to get him to a different doctor so an accurate test could be done. You are an advocate for him and that means that you do what you can to help him get the medical care that he needs. Just as you would advocate for yourself if you thought that your doctor misdiagnosed you.
"Treatment
Primary progressive aphasia can't be cured, and there are no medicines to treat it. However, some therapies might help improve or maintain your ability to communicate and manage your condition.
Speech and language therapy:
Working with a speech-language pathologist, focusing primarily on ways to make up for lost language skills, can be helpful. Although speech and language therapy can't stop the progression of the condition, it can help you manage your condition. The therapy also may slow the progression of some symptoms.
Physical and occupational therapy:
In cases where symptoms affect movement and balance, working with a physical therapist and occupational therapist can help manage the symptoms."
Source: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/primary-progressive-aphasia/symptoms-causes/syc-20350499
You learn to respond with
I didn't realize that
Can you tell me more
That's interesting
Let me go get a drink and when I get back you can tell me more. (no reason you have to return right away)
If you think you are in for an argument...WALK A WAY. Don't engage. If you start to respond in a way that will set him off it will just spiral.
You know the drill. You are dealing with someone with dementia, meaning there's just not a lot you can do. Some dementias have more "anger" associated, FTD, Lewy's, etc.
There's no understanding it. You now are well and he has dementia. I know you know that means you are speaking different languages now as surely as though you were speaking English and he, Greek.
Lots of things regarding this disease have no answer. This is one.