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I rent a room from my mom. She is just starting to show signs of dementia. My sister says she is POA of her. I rent a room from her. I have a verbal agreement that I pay $300 per month. And since I am on work comp, that I will pay my mom when I settle. I am here for my mom. I have her best interest at heart. My sister wants me out. She wants to assume the house as (I recently found out when checking her background) that all her properties have been seized by the IRS federal and state and city due to tax manipulation. She tells lies to my mom so that my mom now seems scared of me. My sister has control of her money. She goes on shopping frenzy sprees. She will spend $3000 on gadgets, toilet shower seats, canopener helper etc. She buys walkers and on and on. She now has ordered a Hospital bed. My mom is 90 but does not need a hospital bed. She is still driving and working in the yard and cooking. My mom says no no but she wont listen to her. Then the checking account bounces and she blames my mom and says your fat and you need to cut down on your grocery shopping. omg I am frustrated. She takes the stuff back to the store (she says that's what she is doing. But when I check moms statements) there is no refunds that have been credited to her account. Let me tell you that my sister who is supposedly POA is bi polar schizophrenic. She had body dysphoria and is bulimic and is so out of control jealous of everyone everything. She came over one day and grabbed mom and said hurry I need to take my name off all your stuff. They spend 1 week getting her name off. My sister till this day has not said why this needed to be done. She refuses to check her statement to see that the money could be missing . When I took her to the doctor. The treated her like she was a hypchondriac. I believe my sister who takes my mom to the doc every time she sneeze. She ended up having strep, flu bronchitis. You name it. They never looked in her throat or anything. she was sent home with no meds and her eardrum burst. The last straw is I made an appointment for her to take her 19 year old cat to have his tummy shaved, As he is extremely matted and bowel obstruction. She spend one afternoon with that sister and she comes homes and says. I cant take the cat in because I will get in trouble because she is to thin. I'm going to wait till I fatten her up. So my sister is scaring my mom to get back at me.. It is so crazy here. I called my brother PLEASE help..



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Your sister needs to show u paperwork saying Mom assigned her POA. By using Moms money for herself she is frauding Mom. Also, not sure if a person with your sister's financial problems can have a POA. If Mom is still with it, get her to a lawyer and revolk ur sister's POA. You have proof she is abusing her authority. If Mom has a lawyer, ask him/her if a POA was drawn up.
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Once the long and relentless arm of the IRS starts to steamroll her, she'll be in deep poo. Yes to insisting she show the original PoA paperwork to you.

Other than your mom assigning you as her new PoA (which she can do if she's willing and has not been diagnosed with any cognitive issues), you can pursue guardianship over your mom even if your sister has legitimate PoA but I believe you will need to prove your mom is incapacitated to make decisions in her own best interest. You will need to hire an elder abuse attorney.

You do need to urgently stop your sister from spending your mom's money as this will not be recoverable. When it's gone, it's gone. You will probably also need to talk to an attorney about this, especially since your mom doesn't seem to agree that she is the victim of financial abuse.

You can whistleblow your sister to the IRS. But if she's got her name jointly on your mom's assets...yikes...could impact your mom. It's a mess that will not be easy to solve but you need to decide what you are willing to do and find out legally what you can do if your mom isn't incapacitated or willing. Good luck!
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Isthisrealyreal Jan 2020
Being diagnosed with any cognitive issues does not mean that she can not change her POA if she wants to.

To no longer have rights to assign or dismiss POA you need a declaration of incompetence and that comes from a judge.
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If your sister is taking your moms money and being verbally abusive you need to call APS and the law. Your mom doesn't deserve being mean mouthed by any of her offspring.

You should file complaints of elder abuse and financial exploitation of a vulnerable senior. This will pull the trigger that will make your sister prove that she has the authority and what she is doing with that authority. You need to video record her being verbally abusive, like the entire visit, unedited to show that she is mistreating your mom.

Your sister can not kick you out because she has POA if your mom wants you there. A POA is intended to give someone the ability to represent you and to do what you want and/or would have done in your right mind. It does not make anyone the boss and ruler of another.
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Rather than starting with "my sister is stealing from you Mom and we need to fix it" you might try an approach that doesn't "challenge" or accuse your sister. Obviously your mom is not ready to face that yet and really the most important thing here is to protect her, stop the bleeding and take care of her. I might take the approach that since you are now living there and "on site" so to speak you want to help Mom as much as you can. This is providing she is mental competent of course. You could either ease into it by helping with bill paying (Mom do you use on-line bill pay? Let me help you set that up) and banking, making doctor appointments and setting up a communication portal if she has that available to her, ordering medications...and in the course of that it will become clear that naming you on HIPPA forms and giving you POA makes her life much easier. Be sure to keep her involved not just tell her what's what the way it sounds your sister is but consult her, give her the control of decisions just present the choices (or non choices) to her clearly and my guess is if your sister does in fact have POA Mom will say that and then you can say oh so you have an attorney then taking care of that stuff, perfect they would be the ones to go to to have one drawn up for you too and the ones to talk to about setting up MPOA and DPOA parameters if you are in a state that separates all of these. While this is designed to get you in the conversation with mom it also hopefully accomplishes some of the details that need to be in place and your knowledge about them.

The other option of course is the more direct option, "Mom do you have POA and directives set up? I want to be involved if anything should happen to you and you need to be hospitalized or aren't able to make decisions for a period of time, what would you like my role to be?" "Who is in charge of things around here and who's in charge of medical decisions if you aren't able to make them?" Don't even bring up sister let Mom do that and if she is wishy washy maybe suggest you all, mom and all of her children sit down to talk about it so you are all on the same page, do it with an attorney or someone who can help guide the conversation and offer expert info if you think that's doable. I think you may accomplish more positive results by trying to play nice and not place blame if at all possible. Just my take, I don't envy your position here and sure can see your frustration and fear for good reason.
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