My grandpa is 94 years old and he has a super high sexual drive.This is very problematic because 1) my grandma died 19 years ago 2) My grandpa refuses to marry another woman but keep harassing (both orally and physically) caregivers we hired. Sex is almost the only thing he can think of everyday besides other basic needs. My dad is managing his money and gives him a small portion for daily expenses but he spends all the money right away on women.
He has most of the bad behaviors one might see in the elderly such as bad hygiene, abuse, etc., but his brain is clear most of time since he can read newspapers, watch TV, communicate with people normally.
His harassment to the in-house caregivers has driven away at least 20 of them and it becomes really hard to find substitutes. It's impossible to let him live alone because of his old age and serious heart conditions as well as stroke risks.
Me and my parents are desperate, any one has any idea of how to cope with it?
The treatment today for grandpa is female hormones, or possibly saw palmetto. Saw palmetto is estrogenic and should not be taken by women.
Pam's idea of the wooden spoon to the penis is tempting but could get the caregiver in a lot of trouble. The best thing is to totally ignore it and tell him to put it away. If he does not then leave the room and do not provide any further service till he behaves or call the police and file a complant. Do not yell or argue just warn him of the consequences and follow through. caregivers have to be prepared to deal with this kind of situation and if the family does not provide support they are with the wrong client.
Bamboo I realize you are worried about your parents but you are not responsible for grandpa they are. It may be hazardous to their marriage to continue in this way but your mother is complaining to the wrong person. she needs to sit down with her husband and the two of them figure out the reason he chooses not to come home when he is in town. If you have a live in caregiver let her do the job she is paid for. Dad does not need to be babysiting. it sounds to me that there is more going on here than Gpa's inappropriate sexual behaviour. This really is not your problem. You are a young wife and your attention should be on supporting your hubby while he finishes his education and takes those all important final exams. it is a very stressful time for him he does not need this diversion. Been there done that I married a medical student.
Only side effect we had was that it acted like a blood thinner and we cut back the dosage, but still were able to get the same effect after 6 weeks. Good luck!
Someone making nasty comments or grabbing inappropriately may mean they have a sick inappropriate sense of humor and poor manners.
Why distinguish? If it has to do with meds or dementia, there may be a medical approach. A lifetime of bad behavior cannot be changed otherwise.
Every county should have a Public Guardian/Public Administrator's office might be through Elder Care or Adult Protective Services Agency. Hope you do seek out their services and bring some peace to your family.
Keep my finger crossed.
My manipulating yet long living grandpa is really a burden to my family. My dad's unconditional love for him and stubborness makes this worse. My dad leaves my mom alone at home and insists that he should live with grandpa (the 2 houses are 20 miles away) when he's in town. My mom comes over once a week. Basically there's no life of their own. They constantly fight over this annoying issue.
I'm the only child of my parents and I'm far away from them. My dad never told me anything about my grandpa's condition because he thinks it's embarrassing. My mom keeps complaining to me but I have to pretend not knowing in front of my dad because she is strongly against the idea of me talking to my dad about this issue (They'll fight for sure if I tell.)
I think I can only help if I find a drug or something to suppress my grandpa's sex drive.
Obviously he doesn't want a caregiver. He wants to continue to manipulate his family. Your father must be exhausted from dealing with this controlling tactic, but I agree that he's going to have to deal with with his father, although he's between a rock and a hard place as GF is creating a situation whereby your father is the only one who will tolerate him.
If he stops intervening but continues to care for him, he's just playing to Gf's game plan. And I'm sure GF would create an incident so that he could then blame your father for "abandoning" him.
I think I would try to find a sex therapist or even psychiatrist to determine if he really has a problem or if he's just using this tactic to harrass the female caregivers. He must get a tremendous amount of control from manipulating them and making them so uncomfortable (and/or disgusted) that they quit.
If he doesn't and it's just controlling behavior, your father cant tell him that he needs to behave civilly or, regardless of his desires, he'll end up in a facility. But honestly, I think this manipulative game is so ingrained that I don't think your father has much of a chance for reasoning with him, and I really don't know what the solution is but I do feel sorry for what you and your family are going through.
Grandpa is 94 and no one will be to blame when his life is over. To me, allowing this to continue is more unhealthy than someone deciding to be the adult and make those tough decisions to see that Grandpa is properly cared for and caregivers are safe. Good luck!
My dad is the oldest son of five siblings and he's always taking responsibilities of the whole family. I think he's afraid if anything happens to my grandpa and there's no one around, he's the one to be blamed. I feel really sorry for him because he has suffered so much. And I'm also worried because my dad is 56 already and bad emotions might damage his health.