How to transport elderly mother from FL to PA?

When people are older and need help from family, they are in no position to "insist".

Your (and your brother's) needs trump her wants.

"You'll have to make other arrangements" is a useful phrase.

There are car services that deliver the car from Florida to another state, then back again. Snowbirds use these services a lot. Mom can take a plane or Amtrak to PA. ("Oh, she won't get on a plane." or "Oh, she'd be scared on the train." Uh-huh, because that's manipulating others to do her bidding).

I'd be tempted to tell her to stay in Florida this summer. Old folks who set up impossible standards for those who are trying to help them - well, I'm tired of people like that. They should accommodate to others, not demand uber-ridiculous gyrations that their trained parrots must perform OR MOMMA AND DADDY WON'T BE HAPPY.

You and brother have your own issues, and mom should respect those.

PS As for Amtrak, she can get a private sleeper room and disappear into it at the railroad station near her Boca Del Vista Ray Retirement Home. She wouldn't have to emerge until arriving in PA, all refreshed from her in-room shower and breakfast service.

Might be time to let her figure it out, if she can't then she will have to stay in Florida. She is just being difficult, wants her way.

There is no logical reason for someone to drive her there and back.

Train, bus or airplane will work just fine. She can rent a car if she needs one on occasion.

Sometimes, we need to dig our heels in, No, is a complete sentence.

I did autotrain and coming home was a disaster. They kept canceling our train because of problems on the rails. To the point we might have to stay overnight in the station on hard plastic chairs. Two people 70, two 40s, and a 5 yr old. Since my SILs truck had not been put on yet, we drove 14 hrs home. And you need to go outside of Richmond to pick up the auto train to Orlando. So, thats 4 1/2hrs to Philly once u get off. Really don't think auto train is an option for a 91yr old woman living alone.

I would just tell her its not possible to bring her up anymore. It would mean u flying down to drive her back, taking her back then flying back to PA. When she could just fly into Philly and fly home or like said take Amtrak, which is overnight. Thats her option now.

My MIL lived in Fla. She chose to leave the only son and granddaughter she had living near her. And thats how my DH looked at it, moving that far from family was her choice. I hate driving too at 74. Especially down I-95. People are nuts. I live in NJ and where my MIL lived was 15 hrs away, 2 day trip. Remind Mom that you too are now a Senior. That at 91 she may need to just be happy with your visits when u can make it down. You will not be trying to get her car up to PA. Its what it is and she needs to adjust to that. Just because our parents expect something from us does not mean we have to accomodate them.

My idea is to tell a 91 yo mother no. If she wants to come to PA so badly, she comes w/o her car and takes Ubers around. Or she stays put in FL. If she makes arrangements herself and they fall apart, guess who has to clean up HER mess? And for no good reason other than a willful desire with stubborn refusal to do things any other way but Her Way. Sorry ma, not this time.

You've been given fabulous suggestions.

But I’d like to add that y’all give some serious thoughts as to your mom, her home and the upcoming hurricane season which will last into November. Even if she is at the GA border or in DeLand in central FL, it does not matter as all of FL can be affected. Right now do you have any idea of just what her community does for sheltering in place, shelters of last resort and in providing for transportation to one? Many places have listings done to send alerts via text or land lines to elderly and do pickup and or check up’s.

If a storm hit while she’s up in PA for the summer, who is in FL who would checkout her place? Like has keys to do an actual interior walk though?

Once back in FL, Would she understand need to do a “ditch bag”? And could pull one together? Which is a tote bag or better yet a lightweight backpack that has all her basic info, copy of her health insurance and contact person info, can hold all her meds, a paper listing of her RXs, a smallish change of clothes, plus like 4 days of underwear and any panty liners type of stuff she needs… and all go into the ditch bag at ready to take. Not a suitcase but a single bag that zips or closes that in theory she can hold on her lap along with her purse.

also has anyone reviewed her property insurance? If she’s got her home paid off, she may be way waaaaaaay underinsured as the insured value based on when it was paid off and not at all for today’s building costs. She can get FEMA NFIP for flood if it’s her primary, but NFIP is maxed at 250K building & 100K home, it is not enough to rebuild if the event is ruled to be all flood based damage. So realistically you get private flood to bring it up to current rebuilding costs. I don’t know what FL State windpool does for their maximum or for roof age for policy increases but it is something to look into before season starts.
For her - at age 91 - its super important that she is beyond insured for replacement value. Heres why, she is flat too old to ever EVER get the cheap interest SBA disaster lending as it’s based a 30 yr lend. She’s too old for anything that uses actuarial tables for loans. Yeah she’d get whatever FEMA doles out as their basic - tends to be 1K per person and 10K if no insurance - but rebuilding, unless very insured for homeowners, flood and wind to provide payouts, would be frightfully expensive and difficult once into your mid 70’s as you have to be able to front the $ because you can’t get lending.

You may think that her house getting storm damage could be a good thing as it would force her to move up to PA where family is. But moving and leaving a damaged home with no real insurance $ behind will be a constant butt rash. The only way in my experiences (Katrina, Zeta & Ida) that post storm damage works in the homeowners favor is if the event was serious enough that the property was vaporized and blown away so get paid max payout in total AND you have Hurricane Hideaway at a family members place or second home to live in while you plan out the future.

We went through Katrina and I did outreach afterwards. A 91 yr old, still independent, still driving, living solo, and very ahem.. self determining “don’t tell me what to do” type, was in my experience the most gobsmacked by Katrina. They didn’t recover emotionally from the loss and could not deal with what was needed in the aftermath. If you or your brother cannot convince her to either sell her place and move into some sort of congregate living or move up to PA, please try to get down to FL to make copies of all her important documents, all property stuff, her medications and health info.

Tell her she’ll have to figure it out. She is being stubborn and insisting she get her way. She wants special arrangements, she needs to make them.

How is this your problem to solve? Let her figure it out.

I am in agreement...
This seems to be her problem to solve.
If she is cognizant enough to
Insist on spending the summer in PA....
Insist on having HER car available....
Then she can figure out how to arrange to get herself and her car to PA.
I have to wonder how much driving does she do that she has to have her car with her. Is she safe to drive in a "new" area? (she may visit every year but that does not mean she remembers how to get from point A to point B. (Heck if I have not been through an area in a few months I am gobsmacked at how much has changed since the last time I was through)

My MIL lived in Central Fla just below Ocala. She lived there 23 yrs, 20 of them a Widow. Up till her death at 91, she was not leaving that house. She had 3 sons, one in NJ, one in GA and one in Miss. The one in GA was her POA. He was trying to get her into an AL near him. Oh no, thats for old people. Her solution was having my husband moving down there when he retired. I stopped that by saying that we would not be moving. I had my widowed mother, my girls and a grandson. I was not leaving them to move to Fla.

A lot of my MILs neighbors left Fla to go near family because they were aging. This is the time your Mom needs to make a decision. Its going to get harder for her to travel on her own. And its not fair to ask her children, who are now Seniors, to drive or fly to go get her so she can come come up for the Summer and have her car. Its not all about her. Its time she move near family. Ifvshe does not want to do that, oh well Mom.