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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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My husband has Vascular Dementia. He can get mad at the drop of the hat..We had a checking account in both our name until he goes down and takes it all out and reopen a account in his name only. What do I do?
First, open an account in your own name. Then have your SS and pension check deposited there. Even if he settles down, continue to protect yourself. The bank is caught in the middle, they can't stop him unless he is declared incompetent by a judge. You really do need to talk to an attorney about having a guardian appointed for him.
I recommend getting legal advice right away. I have friends, where the husband had dementia and his wife was caring for him at home, as he was still physically able to do for himself, and still able to drive when this happened. She found out that he had gone to the bank and taken out thousands of dollars from their savings and stood out front of the bank, and was giving it away to people! Someone went in and told bank employees and they called her and the police, but all that had been already given away, was gone! If he is not yet declared incompetent, perhaps an attorney can meet with you both when he is still quite lucid and help him understand that he needs to sign power of attorney over to you. With my parents, they had a trust attorney, and he 'called them in' under the guise of just updating their info and investments etc, and he asked all the 'right' questions about their health etc, and helped lead them to see that they should sign POA paperwork before it was needed because they were both getting older and my dad had already been diagnosed with dementia. The lawyer pointed out that this would safeguard all that my dad had worked for and saved, so that nothing bad happened that they would 'lose' their money. Dad had already had his problems, but the lawyer didn't let on that he knew this. He was quite skilled in how to get the job done. A POA only means that you take over what hubby cannot do correctly anymore. YOU can give him as much decision making as makes sense to you....but the checking account would go back into both your names as a POA checking account. I wouldn't wait for him to make other poor decisions with your money! My Dad even decided at some point that he was going to divorce my Mom because she nagged at him too much....so who knows what's going on in your husband's mind.
((((((hugs))))) what a terrible situation. You may have to consult a lawyer. Can you get a statement from your husband's doctor about his condition? It might be an idea to go to the bank manager and ask him what you can do, considering your husband's health issues. Is there a chance that you could speak with your husband when he is not angry and get this reversed? It looks like you should have POA. Would your husband agree to that? My heart goes out to you. Please let us know who you make out with this very difficult situation
I'd call the bank first and explain that your husband's signature is likely to be found to be a waste of ink. Depending on how long ago this happened, they may be willing to cancel those last two transactions and restore the status quo ante. It's worth a try.
After that, if you haven't already seen a lawyer about POAs (or guardianship, if your husband's already severely affected and therefore legally incompetent) now is the time. Best of luck.
Do you have friends or children that he trusts? Would he listen to them?
For the short term, explain that you need to have money to buy groceries, etc. Just as our grandmothers used to to, skim off what you can and open an account in your own name. If you get Social security or other income, deposit that into your own account. Even if this gets straightened out, he might do it again. You need your "mad money."
I feel creepy telling you to "embezzle" from your husband, but he is dumb, mean, and possibly dangerous. It's the disease, but you need to protect yourself.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
After that, if you haven't already seen a lawyer about POAs (or guardianship, if your husband's already severely affected and therefore legally incompetent) now is the time. Best of luck.
For the short term, explain that you need to have money to buy groceries, etc. Just as our grandmothers used to to, skim off what you can and open an account in your own name. If you get Social security or other income, deposit that into your own account. Even if this gets straightened out, he might do it again. You need your "mad money."
I feel creepy telling you to "embezzle" from your husband, but he is dumb, mean, and possibly dangerous. It's the disease, but you need to protect yourself.
This must break your heart. God bless you.