We are in our 30s and until recently, my MIL lived with my husband and I for a little less than ten years. It was supposed to be temporary, but over time, it was clear she wasn't leaving. She recently moved out for a short period of time, during which she began showing signs of dementia. She is hallucinating and paranoid. She has always been extremely needy and demanding of my husband's time, but she now says that she needs him there with her all of the time because she's paranoid. But she will not take anxiety medication. She will not enter long-term care and will not move in with my husband and me. My husband is contemplating moving to her place. As I said, we are in our 30s, need to work, and have our own lives too. She is newly diagnosed and this could go on for years. How do I kindly suggest that bringing in care is the better solution than him moving in with her indefinitely?
Mother with granny flat in our yard. And key to our house. As her dementia worsened, she progressed from “visiting” 3-6 hours per day between 9am and 9pm, to demanding more attention, to demanding attention whenever she wanted, whether it was 2am, 6am, noon, dinner time, or whenever, until she demanded that I leave my husband and children to move in with her. She said we were to be together, 24/7, or else. She stopped eating and drinking unless I complied. I became her hostage. But she still talked a good game to anyone else. The moment she wrote a suicide letter, and made another attempt, I phoned EMS and she was taken away for an evaluation. That’s how I got her placed.
That is your husband’s future.
BTW, my mother is still very much alive at 97.
The husband should not be guilt tripped and coerced by incompetent mother .
Seek counseling for you both to support needed decisions.