My father has been acting strangely for the last couple of weeks. It has been feeling awkward. There are some underlining innuendos that I have witnessed in him. Just last night he wanted to talk to me. we both sat and I listened. He seemed so alert, clear. ALmost normal. He expressed the 'strong feelings' he has had for me for some time! He talked about missing sexual relations. and asked me if I miss it too? This shocked me in a way that I wanted to run. I felt like I wanted to take a shower. I am sorry if I sound callous, but I have my own issues around this topic... Anyway, I just and listened. I said to him that I am his daughter, and I have strong feelings of love for him as my father. I showed him pictures of his wife who had passed in 2002. I said to him that she loved him so much and that they had a special love affair. He then asked me if we ever had a love affair in the past. ? Again, wanting to flee, I assured him we did not. I told him, that our love for each other as father and daughter is special but as a parent and child. And It is not appropriate to act on those feelings with a family member. He mentioned that he was glad I was listening. I mentioned that feelings are just that, and his feelings of intimacy are normal. But let's try and find a way to put them in a different area. He agreed. It was so awkward. Today he seems melancholy and appears a bit depressed. I am acting as if....everything is the same. But I know, and I know he knows what he divulged to me last night. Please tell me if anyone has ever gone through this with their parent while caregiving. I just want to know if this is somewhat normal because of his Alzheimer's, Is he transferring his sexuality? I know it's a taboo topic. But I am about To take a measure that maybe I shouldn't. I do not feel comfortable living with him at the home. at this moment.
Thank you
I'm sorry you are going through such a situation. AD and dementia is THE worst issue to deal with, as a daughter, and now having to deal with this makes the whole scenario over the top. Try to remember that this isn't 'dad' who's talking to you, but his broken brain sending him some broken messages. He may not even recognize you as his daughter anymore; his mind may be in a different decade now, before you were even born, and he's looking at you as an attractive woman rather than his offspring. That's how AD works. He may acknowledge what you're saying to him, like Oh Yes, I Know You Are My Daughter, w/o even realizing what he's saying! Just using words with no comprehension behind them, you know what I mean?
Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace.
Another taboo topic is that of nursing home relationships. In a facility, he will meet dating partners among his peers, and his facility will have much experience in managing this.
It might be more comfortable and more suitable for you both.
His confusion about appropriate interaction with you is not too unusual, and it seems from what you said to him that your comments during your disturbing conversation were the very best you could have done.
Don’t allow yourself to forget that his brain is failing. He no longer has the controls over his thoughts that he had as a younger man. The comments of dementia patients are very often difficult to deal with, unexpected, and troubling.
If you have contact with his doctor be sure to let that person know about the conversation your father initiated.
There may be suggestions about medication.
For you- be sure that you are taking good care of yourself, and if that includes considering placement, try to be as objective as possible.