My MIL is a burden to our family. I hate to say it, but it's the truth. She has an entitled attitude and she wants us to cater to her. We don't because we don't want to and we don't have time. We both work fulltime jobs, have kids and a business. It's way too exhausting to deal with her. She wants to live independently while relying on everyone else to do things for her. I want my husband to put her in a senior living facility, am I wrong?
You are wise not to cater to her. She will do better doing for herself. I would approach DH with she is not happy living with you. Maybe an IL or an AL (if she needs any help with her ADLs) would be better. She will have people to talk to. 3 meals served to her. Activities and outings.
Its up to your MIL to make her happiness. Not u to try to make her happy. You have enough on your plate.
YES, MIL is only 75 years old, gets around well, can cook, clean, dress herself and take her meds correctly. We thought having her live independently would keep her independent longer but it hasn't.
She just doesn't seem to have any motivation to do things on her own. We even had someone start a garden for her because she went on and on about growing her own vegetables, this was in March and I haven't seen her go out to work in her garden, NOT ONCE!!!.
I told DH that there could definitely be some mental issues going on and she should get tested.
I just hope we can come to a decision to get her where she needs to be.
I'd likely get her to her doctor to see if there's any physical reason for her feeling so down or if she's depressed. Maybe, medication could help her. If not, it's difficult to get people motivated and feeling energetic, if they don't want to be. How does your DH feel about it?
Fact is, she NEEDS help which translates to Assisted Living. Of course you are not wrong in making that determination! In fact, Assisted Living is a wonderful environment for the elderly and provides them with a stimulating environment, hot meals, interaction with peers their own age, entertainment, the list is endless. Of course, right now, it's difficult in residential care home settings due to the damn virus. But it's definitely something to look into for down the road a bit, when things calm down.
Best of luck!
I agree she may need an evaluation and meds for her mood, as well as moving to a facility. Good luck. Let us know what happens.
And yes she needa a mental evaluation. And a care facility will have people her own age to be with.
As a caregiver I have seen this Many times over...the elder client misses being younger and able to do things and wants to relive through their younger family but can't because thats not realistic. And the elder person becomes resentful towards others for these reasons. There is no one answer for this issue. I tell my clients family this reality all the time. It's not pleasent but its the truth ~ these elderly people have lived their lives ~ and unless you want to spend all your spare time/if you even have spare time~ on them then do so ~ and be Burnt Out within a week or two...elderly people had their life...and they need to accept that and not be selfish and take away their families lives...which they will Gladly do if you offer to give them all your time and attention. If thats what you want to do then do it. But if you don't have the time or desire then you as the Adult need to make hard adult decisions. Because elderly are not capable of making these decisions for themselves. They will put themselves in harms way with their irrational and dangerous and stubborn thought processes. So your husband needs to wakeup and be the man and Help his mother into the next phase of her life. Just ignoring her and this problem is only going to get worse.
You need to give yourself a break and don't do anything anymore and let him and his family take the reins.
You are 1000% correct.
Your MIL is not & it's a shame for her.
Probably a good idea for her to chat to her Doctor. Rule out physical & mental health problems. Then she needs to work out what she wants to do for the rest of her days. It's her life afterall. Like a circle. It overlaps your life circle a bit where you share visits, special days & celebrations. But everyone is entitled to their own life circle. Do not let her overlap her circle over yours & you are then all living her life. Some try. I don't know the why. To me it's like eating your own young.
No you are not wrong; I myself and thinking of doing that myself to my own mother!
I have a friend who has never been happy. No matter what people do for her she expects more. Some people you just can't satisfy.
Pray for the whole family
Seek God
and you will find your answers
God bless you