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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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No one deserves to be bullied. I’m sorry this is happening to you. Does your husband have a dementia diagnosis causing his behavior to worsen? Do you have local support from family and friends or a way to take a break when needed? You can use reply below any answer to provide more information
You have no information in your profile and not a lot in this question. (if it is a question) Are you a caregiver for your husband? If he is abusive in any way you do one or all of the following. Leave the room if you can. If you are being threatened call 911 (or whatever the emergency number is where you live, this is a world wide forum and not every country uses 911. When you make that call say that you are afraid for your safety. If there are weapons in the house let the dispatcher know. (If there are remove them if you can or lock them up)
If you are a caregiver for your husband no one that has been abused should be caregiver for their abuser. discuss option with an attorney. Either one specializing in Elder Care matters or Divorce.
No one is going to rescue you physically or financially. It will require you to work on your own behalf to get out of this situation. We cannot contact you, you must research resources available to you in whatever state you live in and for however old you are... this is why you need to fill out your profile.
Start with a local women's shelter for those escaping abuse.
Talk to social services for your county.
Section 8 housing for people with low income.
Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)
People can receive SSDI benefits until they reach full retirement age, which is currently 67. If someone applies for early retirement benefits at age 62, they can still apply for SSDI if they can prove their disability began before they started receiving early retirement benefits. If their application is approved, they'll receive disability benefits equal to the difference between their early retirement benefit and their full retirement benefit.
Supplemental Security Income (SSI)
People of any age can apply for SSI, which provides cash payments to low-income disabled or older adults. A minimum of six work credits is required to qualify for SSI, regardless of age.
There are probably several programs in your state that can help people buy food, including:
(In my home state:)
Minnesota Family Investment Program (MFIP): Provides a cash grant and food assistance.
Minnesota Food Assistance Program (MFAP): Provides food assistance to noncitizens age 50 or older who don't qualify for SNAP.
Other resources for food assistance include:
Food shelves, food banks, and organizations that offer free meals
Nutrition Assistance Program (NAP) block grants, which provide food assistance to low-income households in the U.S. territories
Emergency Food Assistance Program (TEFAP), which provides emergency food assistance at no cost to low-income Americans
United Way 211, which can connect people to food programs and services
Also if you are a senior (55+) then contact your local Area Agency on Aging for more resources; and local churches (you don't have to be a member or believer for most)
Also, watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube so you can understand something about dementia. It robs people of their ability to use reason, logic and executive functions (judgment). They stop being able to empathize with others. They lose their sense of time and space, their "filters" break (they lose their inhibitions); they lose their short-term memory.
And, depending on what type of dementia they have, they can have a tendancy towards aggression and violence; they have delusions and confabulate (make up stories); etc. From what you wrote I don't get any sense that you have any understanding of dementia. If your spouse was a bully before then most likely his personality will get worse (although some people do become more docile). This doesn't mean you should stay in this situation, just that some of what you describe *is* because of his disease except now you won't be able to know for sure how much of it is.
Do not tell the him you are planning to leave. Expect it to get hard for a while but then it will get better. Call 911 the minute he gets verbally or physically threatening to you. Video it so he cannot showboat for authorities.
Hi, and welcome to the Forum, Groovy. If you have a question of us the post regarding it somehow did not come through. Tell us a bit about you and your husband, and ask any question you may have; we will try to help.
I am having the same problems! I would love to talk to you! He is milking his diagnosis of dementia to get away with things and then puts on the innocent act! He laughs and says real mean things to me when no one is around! He knows I need his ss money to exist! He actually reported me as abusive! They came to our house to interview me because I am the one that is physically sick and I have paid off a huge debt he accumulated by not paying the bills correctly and lying about it! Several medical professionals see how he acts and ask questions but no one wants to give me help! Lawyers refuse or push back on divorce due to financial constraints! He was responsible for an accident and totaled my car and was sued! A bad incident happened on Saturday! His reaction to that incident was questionable! I do believe he did it by his reaction or better non reaction to it! He knows that he has a dementia diagnosis to blame for anything he does and I do believe he was trying to get rid of me! He is mad that he can't drive, smoke and tell his lies! I have known him for 60 years, but I don't know him at all! His doctors and mental health people no longer contact him! The county that investigated his abuse claims against me is not in contact! My only child refuses to get involved but has opinions on what I say or want! 55 years of living with a lying SOB and now he can lie and no one cares because he has dementia! I am sick with Lyme, can barely drive and prefer not to, have lost all ties to the outside world due to my issues with my husband! I have had several counselors and speak with one every 2 weeks but I have constraints on myself financially and health wise! The last 2 years my life has been upset mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally! Someone please contact me with help! I am hopefully seeing my doctor in person this week! She wants me to get a divorce! I have contacted a dozen or more lawyers and they don't approve because I need his SS money to survive each month! I was in the hospital for several days and cried the whole time and again no help was offered! They noted in my records depression due to my husband's dementia! He always gets away with everything!
Years ago, a domestic abuse counselor told me that I could get a divorce and charge it to my ex. I left instead, and didn't receive a dime from him. This was my first marriage followed by divorce.
However, in your case, call a domestic abuse hotline and start making plans to get out.
Unfortunately, I see this type of thing everyday with some of the male clients using their home health aides to do chores not involved on their care plans. Many of these people are alcoholics and looking for free maid service instead of the actual help created in a care plan for personal care. If they could be abusive, which some are, they would go full blast using their health as an excuse.
People of this sort will exploit the system. Even though they may be in the early stages of dementia, they still have some wits about them.
I've experienced the lying and being called crazy by abusive exes and the constant verbal abuse that eventually lead to physical abuse.
I got counseling. Also, there are plenty of good reputable counselors on youtube that can enlighten you.
Dr. Carmen Bryant Dr. Kris Godinez Bishop RC Blake's, Jr.
These people talk about narcissist abuse and their control issues. Narcissist abuse is domestic abuse.
With domestic abuse services, they can plug you into legal aide services to help you with your legal issues. My second ex went through a few wrecked cars and my name was on the title on that last car he owned. I don't think he has owned a car since then.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Tell husband that if he threatens you again, you will call the police. Be ready to follow through, because he will. Then do what you promised.
This is what a lawyer friend advises women in your situation to do.
Are you a caregiver for your husband?
If he is abusive in any way you do one or all of the following.
Leave the room if you can.
If you are being threatened call 911 (or whatever the emergency number is where you live, this is a world wide forum and not every country uses 911.
When you make that call say that you are afraid for your safety.
If there are weapons in the house let the dispatcher know. (If there are remove them if you can or lock them up)
If you are a caregiver for your husband no one that has been abused should be caregiver for their abuser. discuss option with an attorney. Either one specializing in Elder Care matters or Divorce.
Start with a local women's shelter for those escaping abuse.
Talk to social services for your county.
Section 8 housing for people with low income.
Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI)
People can receive SSDI benefits until they reach full retirement age, which is currently 67. If someone applies for early retirement benefits at age 62, they can still apply for SSDI if they can prove their disability began before they started receiving early retirement benefits. If their application is approved, they'll receive disability benefits equal to the difference between their early retirement benefit and their full retirement benefit.
Supplemental Security Income (SSI)
People of any age can apply for SSI, which provides cash payments to low-income disabled or older adults. A minimum of six work credits is required to qualify for SSI, regardless of age.
There are probably several programs in your state that can help people buy food, including:
(In my home state:)
Minnesota Family Investment Program (MFIP): Provides a cash grant and food assistance.
Minnesota Food Assistance Program (MFAP): Provides food assistance to noncitizens age 50 or older who don't qualify for SNAP.
Other resources for food assistance include:
Food shelves, food banks, and organizations that offer free meals
Nutrition Assistance Program (NAP) block grants, which provide food assistance to low-income households in the U.S. territories
Emergency Food Assistance Program (TEFAP), which provides emergency food assistance at no cost to low-income Americans
United Way 211, which can connect people to food programs and services
Also if you are a senior (55+) then contact your local Area Agency on Aging for more resources; and local churches (you don't have to be a member or believer for most)
Also, watch Teepa Snow videos on YouTube so you can understand something about dementia. It robs people of their ability to use reason, logic and executive functions (judgment). They stop being able to empathize with others. They lose their sense of time and space, their "filters" break (they lose their inhibitions); they lose their short-term memory.
And, depending on what type of dementia they have, they can have a tendancy towards aggression and violence; they have delusions and confabulate (make up stories); etc. From what you wrote I don't get any sense that you have any understanding of dementia. If your spouse was a bully before then most likely his personality will get worse (although some people do become more docile). This doesn't mean you should stay in this situation, just that some of what you describe *is* because of his disease except now you won't be able to know for sure how much of it is.
Do not tell the him you are planning to leave. Expect it to get hard for a while but then it will get better. Call 911 the minute he gets verbally or physically threatening to you. Video it so he cannot showboat for authorities.
I wish you all the best as you break free.
If you have a question of us the post regarding it somehow did not come through.
Tell us a bit about you and your husband, and ask any question you may have; we will try to help.
Can you tell us why?
He is milking his diagnosis of dementia to get away with things and then puts on the innocent act!
He laughs and says real mean things to me when no one is around! He knows
I need his ss money to exist! He actually reported me as abusive! They came to our house to interview me because I am the one that is physically sick and I have paid off a huge debt he accumulated by not paying the bills correctly and lying about it!
Several medical professionals see how he acts and ask questions but no one wants to give me help! Lawyers refuse or push back on divorce due to financial constraints! He was responsible for an accident and totaled my car and was sued!
A bad incident happened on Saturday! His reaction to that incident was questionable! I do believe he did it by his reaction or better non reaction to it!
He knows that he has a dementia diagnosis to blame for anything he does and I do believe he was trying to get rid of me! He is mad that he can't drive, smoke and tell his lies!
I have known him for 60 years, but I don't know him at all!
His doctors and mental health people no longer contact him! The county that investigated his abuse claims against me is not in contact! My only child refuses to get involved but has opinions on what I say or want!
55 years of living with a lying SOB and now he can lie and no one cares because he has dementia!
I am sick with Lyme, can barely drive and prefer not to, have lost all ties to the outside world due to my issues with my husband!
I have had several counselors and speak with one every 2 weeks but I have constraints on myself financially and health wise!
The last 2 years my life has been upset mentally, physically, financially, and emotionally!
Someone please contact me with help! I am hopefully seeing my doctor in person this week! She wants me to get a divorce! I have contacted a dozen or more lawyers and they don't approve because I need his SS money to survive each month! I was in the hospital for several days and cried the whole time and again no help was offered! They noted in my records depression due to my husband's dementia! He always gets away with everything!
However, in your case, call a domestic abuse hotline and start making plans to get out.
Unfortunately, I see this type of thing everyday with some of the male clients using their home health aides to do chores not involved on their care plans. Many of these people are alcoholics and looking for free maid service instead of the actual help created in a care plan for personal care. If they could be abusive, which some are, they would go full blast using their health as an excuse.
People of this sort will exploit the system. Even though they may be in the early stages of dementia, they still have some wits about them.
I've experienced the lying and being called crazy by abusive exes and the constant verbal abuse that eventually lead to physical abuse.
I got counseling. Also, there are plenty of good reputable counselors on youtube that can enlighten you.
Dr. Carmen Bryant
Dr. Kris Godinez
Bishop RC Blake's, Jr.
These people talk about narcissist abuse and their control issues. Narcissist abuse is domestic abuse.
With domestic abuse services, they can plug you into legal aide services to help you with your legal issues. My second ex went through a few wrecked cars and my name was on the title on that last car he owned. I don't think he has owned a car since then.