Follow
Share

She is in the beginning of Alzheimer’s and is paranoid, angry and won’t even do the things she can do for herself. She is the most annoying person I have ever met (always has been) and when I gently suggest she doesn’t do these things she screams and runs off to her room like a 4 yr old. The geriatrician (of a different culture) implied as I am not married with no kids it is my obligation to put up with it. I have no family to help. The problem is I am beginning to hate her. I swear and mutter under my breath all day and wish she would just die. She won’t move out of her dump of a house even though I have offered to move us somewhere nice and I nearly vomit every day living here in this derelict house. She can’t manage on her own and I can’t afford the help she needs if I move. Plus the guilt. She thinks she is fine and won’t have anyone else in the house. I came straight from a 25 yr abusive marriage into this and I am so resentful. I know there is no solution but I had to get this out somewhere.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Hoping that your (HER) health services will provide for an assessment by a GERIATRICS TRAINED Psychologist/psychiatrist/social worker/neurologist.

Any of the above will be able to provide YOU with a better explanation of her BEHAVIOR, which is what you need now, for yourself, to acquire management tools and potentially, medication, that can allow you to maneuver her to behave in ways that will be better for your both.

Is there no financial support for people who need full time residential care in your country? Reading her infirmities list, it certainly seems that she NEEDS to be receiving residential care.

Will she refuse to go? OF COURSE she will. That’s why YOU need a document from a trained specialist, indicating that she is not SAFE in her present surroundings.

Research this as it applies to your area of the world. Just taking SOME ACTION can give you a lift, whether you come up with a solution on your first try, or not.

You are brave to acknowledge what you’ve been through, and you are entitled, YES, ENTITLED to have a break and a chance for some freedom and respite.

Please keep in touch.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Jen, I'm terribly sorry about your long, abusive marriage.

As a temporary stop, living with mom was fine. Now it's time for you to move on and get on with YOUR life.

Have you contacted your local social services agency to see what help is available?

Please know that there IS help out there, and there IS a solution!
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
JenIhavehadit Dec 2020
Thanks Barb, please read my other replies.
(0)
Report
Where are you living?

There are solutions. Solutions other than your jumping out of one abusive frying pan and straight into another abusive fire.

YOU can't afford the help SHE needs if you move? Can you spot the obvious flaw in this argument? How about her? Can she afford to pay for care? Would her house pay for care? If neither, what about getting in touch with adults' social services in your area and seeing what help is available?
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
JenIhavehadit Dec 2020
Hi and thanks for your input. With COVID it took me so long to get an appointment with the geriatrician and I need to have the support of one to force her to sell her house and go somewhere. The problem is she can act mostly ok when in front of other people and is a nightmare at home. It takes years in Australia to get an Aged Care Package. I have got her on Level 1 which provides a whole $8000 per year which pays for a couple of hours week at best. It will take another year to get her to the next level.
(0)
Report
JenIhavehadit, I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this and got no support from her doctor. This person is very, very wrong for adding to the guilt. This doctor is mistaken -- and I would find a different geriatrician asap. I'm not sure what country you are in but in the US there are options for your situation. If you are elsewhere ("mum" is the clue ;-) then I know other compatriots will show up with support and advice for you. May you receive answers, get solutions and support and gain peace in your heart.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report
JenIhavehadit Dec 2020
Hi, and yes I’m from Australia. I was gutted when the doctor said she was ok. He wouldn’t even talk to me privately so I could be more open about the way she acts. She is so paranoid as it is and was insulting me as we walked out of the appointment because of the few, true things I said about her behaviour. I have to hire a dog sitter now to even go out for a few hours as the pup mysteriously has injuries when they are left alone. She has hit the dog in the head in front of me and when I asked why she said because it moved it’s head when she tried to pet it. What?! I hope she dies every day and then am so guilt ridden and feel like a beast of a person. I have met with all the relevant agencies but things move so slowly. All of my friends have retired, moved out of the city, living their best lives and so I have no support. I have medical problems of my own and I hate the thought she will outlive me and my last years will be hell. She has outlived 2 siblings.
(0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter