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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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My DH had the same distance issue with his mother in a very good NH, 2.5 hours away although not out of state. He phoned for about an hour every second day, and visited every two or three weeks (which took a whole day). Of course there were extras when necessary. Two brothers who were closer visited once a week. DH also did all the paperwork stuff. That worked for years until the end, when she was 97 – fading but no dementia. Best wishes finding a solution that works for you, Margaret
66 is not old. I have friends who are 72 still working. Mom is not too old to set up her own appts and transportation. She needs to realize you cannot just pick up and leave your family without something in place.
Has Mom had her appointment with the oncologist? If not, I think its important that you be there. I know with my Mom she tended not to hear everything and just excepted what the doctor suggested. I asked questions. Ur Moms doctors need to realize that you can't be there 24/7 if her chemo is going to take months. If you work, maybe take family leave at least to cover the worst part of her care. Its been explained here that family leave can be taken in increments.
Your girls are old enough to help out with your 10 yr old. Have them all together to help work out how we are going to help grandmom. This is scary for your Mom. If there is no partner, then I can see why she wants her daughter nearby. Really, until you know what will be involved with Moms care, you won't know what part you will need to play. 2hrs is not that far.
Not everyone is covered by family leave, that’s important to remember here. There are eligibility requirements—length of employment & number of hours worked in the last year as well as number of employees. And most people can’t afford to take unpaid leave, which is what FMLA is—it’s unpaid leave except in a couple states and the OPs state is not one of the states that provides paid family leave.
Kbeewill, I am so sorry your Mom is going through cancer. It can be downright scary and you feel you are losing your independence. Been there, done that. That is why your Mom would like for you to move back home. I know I didn't want to be alone.
I see your Mom is only 66 as per your profile, so I was wondering if she is still in the workforce? What about close neighbors? Does she have girlfriends she can surround herself with?
Is Mom taking chemo treatments? That can really wipe someone out so it is always good to have people who can take her to and from chemo appointments. Will she need major surgery, if that is the case, someone needs to be with her until she recovers from the surgery. Mom could hire a caregiver to help, if it is within her budget.
Children are raised so that they can leave the nest and feather their own. In turn they then choose (or not) to have their own children, and they should expect those children to leave their nest for their own lives as well. As to guilt, you are not a felon. You are not a criminal. You may wish you were a Saint and had no human limitations on your time, your life, the number of households you can manage and the number of people you can pack into your household. But those limitations cause us GRIEF. Not guilt. You can feel guilt when you take up the hurting of others and taking great joy in that hurt. Until then it isn't an option. Sorry. Sorry for the grief of all, but this is what it all comes to for each of us eventually.
Your first responsibility is to your children and husband. One of your daughters is only 10, she needs her Mum at home.
It is sad that your Mum has cancer, but it is not your problem, or it is not your job to be there with her. You can help from afar. You can research local organizations that provide rides for Cancer patients to and from appointments. You can help Mum get her paperwork in order, this may take a day of sorting and 2 appointments with a lawyer.
Mum will need an up to date Will, POA documents (finances and health) POLST or DNR id applicable. It is best to have a lawyer prepare these.
If you will act as her POA, you can arrange to get her bills online and pay them by signing a check with you name followed by POA. You will need to lodge a copy of the POA at the bank and may have to use their form. Here in Canada at least 2 years ago, Mum could not use online banking to pay step dad's bills, but could sign his cheques.
But you need to be very clear that your home and your life is in PA. You can decide how often you will go visit and for how long. Every second Saturday from 10-2 or whatever.
Grocery stores deliver as do pharmacies. She can hire someone to help inside the home (laundry, cleaning etc), if she needs personal care she can hire help for that too. If work needs to be done outside of the house, she can hire that as well.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
66 is not old. I have friends who are 72 still working. Mom is not too old to set up her own appts and transportation. She needs to realize you cannot just pick up and leave your family without something in place.
Has Mom had her appointment with the oncologist? If not, I think its important that you be there. I know with my Mom she tended not to hear everything and just excepted what the doctor suggested. I asked questions. Ur Moms doctors need to realize that you can't be there 24/7 if her chemo is going to take months.
If you work, maybe take family leave at least to cover the worst part of her care. Its been explained here that family leave can be taken in increments.
Your girls are old enough to help out with your 10 yr old. Have them all together to help work out how we are going to help grandmom. This is scary for your Mom. If there is no partner, then I can see why she wants her daughter nearby. Really, until you know what will be involved with Moms care, you won't know what part you will need to play. 2hrs is not that far.
I see your Mom is only 66 as per your profile, so I was wondering if she is still in the workforce? What about close neighbors? Does she have girlfriends she can surround herself with?
Is Mom taking chemo treatments? That can really wipe someone out so it is always good to have people who can take her to and from chemo appointments. Will she need major surgery, if that is the case, someone needs to be with her until she recovers from the surgery. Mom could hire a caregiver to help, if it is within her budget.
As to guilt, you are not a felon. You are not a criminal. You may wish you were a Saint and had no human limitations on your time, your life, the number of households you can manage and the number of people you can pack into your household. But those limitations cause us GRIEF. Not guilt. You can feel guilt when you take up the hurting of others and taking great joy in that hurt. Until then it isn't an option. Sorry. Sorry for the grief of all, but this is what it all comes to for each of us eventually.
It is sad that your Mum has cancer, but it is not your problem, or it is not your job to be there with her. You can help from afar. You can research local organizations that provide rides for Cancer patients to and from appointments. You can help Mum get her paperwork in order, this may take a day of sorting and 2 appointments with a lawyer.
Mum will need an up to date Will, POA documents (finances and health) POLST or DNR id applicable. It is best to have a lawyer prepare these.
If you will act as her POA, you can arrange to get her bills online and pay them by signing a check with you name followed by POA. You will need to lodge a copy of the POA at the bank and may have to use their form. Here in Canada at least 2 years ago, Mum could not use online banking to pay step dad's bills, but could sign his cheques.
But you need to be very clear that your home and your life is in PA. You can decide how often you will go visit and for how long. Every second Saturday from 10-2 or whatever.
Grocery stores deliver as do pharmacies. She can hire someone to help inside the home (laundry, cleaning etc), if she needs personal care she can hire help for that too. If work needs to be done outside of the house, she can hire that as well.