Watching some tenants deteriorate with Dementia or Alzheimer's in front of me, getting very volatile or screaming is very hard to watch and my stress level goes beyond or gets the better of me. I also just lost my sister to this illness last year so I am having a hard time dealing with my neighbors and need a little advice on how to deal with it.
I would imagine it would be difficult to see neighbors and people you've known for years succumb to dementia. Living in assisted living means you're on the front lines.
I wonder if your facility has a social worker? A social worker is someone you can talk with, unburden yourself with. And if there is a social worker within your facility it would probably not cost anything to consult with him/her.
Another option is therapy outside of your assisted living. This would be a service you'd pay for.
One last suggestion is a support group for loved ones of dementia. Google your zip code and "support group for loved ones with dementia" or something of the sort.
The go-to book is "The 36 Hour Day" but this is more for caregivers of people with dementia.
And you can always come here and vent.
My Dad had lived in Independent Living in a facility and this was a separate building from Assisted Living. Dad needed help during the day so he was able to purchase another level of care. Eventually due to Dad's memory, he did move to the next building where they had a separate Memory Care floor. I was amazed at how quiet that floor was.
Would it be possible to move to another senior living facility which does have separation, or are you in an area where the choices are far and few between?
I would suggest Lainemsr not focus on the people who are almost at the end of their journey. There are people there who do have dementia, but in mom’s facility there were also people there who didn’t have it. Mom was a recluse who refused to engage with anyone there, but I formed some wonderful friendships with some of the residents there. Facilities also have activities and they will assist her in getting to them. One facility nearby has a pub, a chef on staff, a hair salon and at least one field trip a week. I want to live there!
Eyerishlass's suggestion of talking to a professional listener about your concerns is a good one. Another candidate for listener is the facility's chaplain, or your own religious leader, if you have one.
Many residents in an assisted living facility will retain their health for many years, but there will also be many who gradually or quickly go downhill, from whatever conditions caused them to need assistance in the first place. This is a sad reality. It is good that there are good places for these people to reside.
If it is the same people getting very volatile or screaming repeatedly, I wonder if they might be ready for another level of care. Have a conversation with the social worker about the facility's general policy about this. Perhaps you will discover that they are just waiting for an opening in their memory care wing to move the screamer.
Here is another approach to consider: Befriend a person who appears to have mild dementia. Have coffee with him or her once in a while. Sit next to them at some activity, and chat a bit. Compliment them on the color of their shirt, or their voice during sing-along activities. Listen to them closely, even if they are hard to understand. Think of how you would like your sister to have been treated. It will make their day a little brighter, and I think it might help your mood, too.
I hope you find some peace on this difficult issue.
Feel welcome to come back here to discuss this, to let us know if you are seeing any improvements, and to just vent about how hard this is. We care!
Along with talking to the social worker, staff, or chaplain about this - and do! - you might want to seek out a book or lecture on graceful ways to watch decline in others - I’m always searching for such things. It’s nature’s way (at least in this day and age) and there MUST be a more spiritual and/or peaceful way to go with the flow. (Not that you should just stay where you are if someone nearby is having a fit.) I just got a book, “My Mother Your Mother: Slow Medicine,” haven’t started it yet. I read a bunch of articles by Deepak Chopra online, making sense of the predicament of decline, and they were good!
I’m so pleased you started this thread. Please keep coming here and posting. I’m mid 50s and plan to do what you did in my 60s and am interested in your journey. Best wishes. 💐
But, you moved to AL for a higher quality of life, not a lesser one. So, speak up! Having neighbors who are confused, repetitive, forgetful is one thing. Having neighbors who scream, rant, and fight is quite another. You're entitled to hear from management how they are addressing the issue.
Did you have any support during your sister's illness and end of life? I'm just wondering if that time, and eventually losing her, has left you understandably even more sensitive to the condition of other people around you.
I mean, if you were a caregiver or family member rather than a resident, I'm sure we'd all be urging you to take a break. Get some respite from the constant reminders.
But as Isn'tEasy points out so aptly, that would rather defeat the original object. I like her suggestion of approaching the facility's managers and asking for their active ideas. Maybe there's something they can do to give more able residents like yourself separate shared spaces and a rest from the one-size-fits-all environment.
While moving might be a possibllity don't go that route too fast because of the upheaval in your life that is involved - if you are able, you might get out to a class like art or writing etc that expands your interests because this will make your personal horizon expand to beyond your 4 walls & it is simpler than doing an actual move which could be exhausting to you