I started working for a client. I drove her to 3 appointments last week. That was my first week. Everything went perfect. Advice?
This a.m, I was not informed that she had an appointment earlier than when I get there. I was in shock and my knee jerk is to apologize. But I tried to finish the rest of the day and was reminded about how I cannot be trusted to get there on time? The daughter not the mother, told me how wrong this was.
I am on a 2 week trial. I don’t want to work for someone whom is going to blame me for something above my knowledge.
As a caregiver I strive like most all of you do for perfection, and am very hard on myself to begin with. I told the daughter in the beginning that I needed flexibility as I was squeezing her mother in and was not sure if I could do this regardless. I feel horrible that no one told me about the appointment, but have a very negative feeling now about moving forward. Advice?
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Striving for perfection can't include being a mind-reader or a clairvoyant. If nobody told you about the appointment, not to mention that whoever made the appointment is a bit of a plank seeing as you couldn't possibly have got there in time to escort her, then by no stretch of the imagination is this any reflection on your "reliability."
Who did make the appointment, actually, and when? - it might explain a lot, and give you pointers about how to head off anything like this in future.
And what are your client's care needs? Any mental or cognitive issues in there?
I've just come from a bed call; when I arrived at nine p.m. the client confidently told me that she wouldn't be needing any support tonight because she was going to Bath (the city, not the bathroom fitting) with her daughters and staying there for two days. A slight misunderstanding, it turned out; and after an hour and a half I left her safely tucked up in bed with her magazine and her glasses - and having taken her Donepezil, which was what gave me a clue.
The point is that the challenges are one of the most satisfying parts of social care work. Your client was dispersing blame, for whatever reason, and you probably won't altogether hear the end of it for some time yet; but that doesn't mean you should take the ludicrously unfair criticism to heart. It IS ludicrous. Try telling her when you arrive that you've packed your crystal ball today so nothing will faze you - find whatever way you like that helps you see the lighter, funny side. You will be proud of yourself if you can get past this.
P.S. If it's the *daughter* who accused you of unreliability, there's nothing funny about it. Ask her politely but in straight terms how you are to be on time for an appointment which begins before your scheduled hours and which you have not been told about. Make it clear that you expect an apology.
The daughter had me on the phone as I was pulling up to their driveway at 9:55am. She told me how irresponsible that was, and her mother is an "old lady" (73), I did say she is not an "old lady" and all the while that she was berating me, the mother decided to drive herself. I was unaware that the mother could drive.
Alot is not being told to me, and I have realized during this trial period that there is an incredible amount of chaos, where chaos does not need to be.
I did not respond to the daughter, as she was so loud and verbal, that I thought I would receive an apology today sometime. Never have expectations, you will always be disappointed.
I have also realized that the job, which is very familiar to me with my previous Executive Assistant positions, is not a problem. I believe it is the personalities. They have been looking since January, and I was the first person that was able to interview professionally, and the mother liked me very much. This two week trial is for that reason. It has to be a mutually enjoyable job for both.
It felt ludicrous. I was to show up at 10:00 am and was there at 9:55am. The mother decided to drive herself, and really it was not that big of an issue. They made me feel like a slug, but after years of care giving, I do not take anything personal. People are just like bugs, all different kinds, with many different types of personalities.
I feel they are going to be a Daughter and Mother team to point out my every error, and honestly, I have way too much to do in life to put up with that.
I will write a very kind note, that during the "trial" and especially yesterday's non communication to me, that it deserved an apology.
Countrymouse: I am so happy that you are still online helping people. The answers and questions you gave me were very constructive and have given me a platform to decide "what do I want to do" during this 2 week trial.
It is good to see your name.
All the best
It was not going to work.
Thank you for your support.
When I worked Eldercare, I had a HUGE calendar in my clients' homes and we kept meticulous records about WHEN I would work, what times, appts., etc. We LIVED by that calendar.
I had several occasions where I showed up for work and no one was home. I would check to make sure my client wasn't home alone waiting for me (she lived with daughter & family) and if she didn't show up within 15-30 minutes and I couldn't reach her, I called it a day, left a note and got paid for 4 hrs. This was company policy. They didn't expect me to read minds! Many times my client would run out the door with her daughter to visit someone or go to brunch and neglect to tell me there had been a change in scheduling.
THAT'S totally unprofessional and I just followed company protocol on it.
After a couple of these events, the daughter realized I was NOT her private servant, to sit in the corner quietly until summoned, I was a personal assistant and had value. Then things got better.
We weren't supposed to give our clients our home phone #'s, but I did b/c the schedule could change at the drop of a hat and I'd be left with an 'empty' day that they had to pay for.
(I will add that this was 14 years ago and cell phones were just becoming a 'thing'--and I didn't have texting capability anyway!)
Don't let yourself get treated like a Cinderella. My clients were all (for some reason, I don't know why) VERY wealthy and the attitude was that I was poor and they could boss me around. I had to teach them how to treat me. I was respectful of both mother and daughter, but I needed to show them that was a 2 way street.
As the person on the other side. People make mistakes and hopefully it is a one time deal. Show inititive, take in a planner or whatever, sit with the daughter and write down all future appointments. It is little actions that will prove your worth.
I agree it could have been a one time mistake, but it bothers me that you were reminded of it over and over for the balance of the day and that suggests to me that these people maybe aren't good at saying "I'm sorry. Maybe I did not tell you. How can we make sure this does not happen again?"
Moving forward, these high maintenance types need constant comparing of notes/schedules so that they don't get to blame you for something they will KNOW they had multiple opportunities to have told you. I have to do this comparing of notes with my DH and it has helped tremendously. His entire family is this way - they will put the blame anywhere and everywhere regarding what was stated or not stated. Repeat the expectations as needed - even after you believe you have it straight in your head. Review, review, review. Don't give them an inch or they will pull this on you again and again and it will never be their fault.
Extremely helpful to me.
What I do is provide a desk calendar that we leave out all the time. This is for the caregiver to post in writing specific tasks or activities we are tracking. It’s both a reminder of what needs doing and a confirmation it’s been done.
On the portion that shows the two pages for the entire month at a glance, I also post important things like appointments. This way it is easy to take in things like this appointment in the context of the week. Things that I want to remember the date and time on like change the ac filter, etc. are also on the month at a glance, groomer, things going on In the household to keep the caregiver in the know even if not her responsibility.
To me, it’s my responsibility to show what needs to be done even though we will have discussed it. There are so many details. It’s the caregivers responsibility to do the task and then check that it has been accomplished. But I admit, I would be super impressed if a caregiver came in and took the initiative to ask about upcoming appointments and any related details, like are these scheduled every month or quarter. It sounds like this client has a lot of appointments.
I’m really sorry you had a tough day and there was an upset. I think I would mark it up to a misunderstanding for this time but if you aren’t treated with respect then I would look for a better fit. Your bio indicates that you are very experienced. I’m thinking the daughter may be dealing with a few issues.
I wouldn't let one appointment sour things. Treat it as a learning experience. You will get to know your clients & ways they communicate best.
Have all shift times agreed & confirmed. If requested verbaly, read it back to client to confirm. If continuing issues with this, use prompts eg ask to see the appointment cards or calender she uses to help. If client is unable to arrange, deal directly with the responsible person (in this case the daughter). Confirm requests with txt or email so you have it in writing. Ensure you have a calender (on phone) clearly showing all your appointments so no clashes.
My relative used to sometimes blame others for not remembering an appointment, or being so slow getting ready she arrived late. I used to call this out - say how I saw it (politely). Then moved on with the next part of the day.
Good luck with your role. You obviously care about doing a top job, which is fantastic! Just be good to yourself & stand up for yourself when needed too. Otherwise dealing with people can drain you.
Your answer was tremendously helpful!
It is hard enough being an unpaid "family" caregiver to an elder then dealing with a tardy and a caregiver who in my perception may have issues butting in or causing problems with others is stressful. I think you need to rethink your approach and mission. You are there to support the client and the families needs.
As for the planner in the computer. I have enough problems with phones and pads, I would flip out if the caregiver actually brought in a computer.
The mother wanted one thing, the daughter wanted another. Never an apology to me but I never have expectations otherwise I am always disappointed! Just feel very good that I will not be continuing in that position.
Thank you to everyone for rallying behind me to be honest, give your own unique opinions and thoughts. It was really helpful in me making the decision for me.
I feel like I was very professional and just said that I had to decline their offer of employment. I wished them well. Have not heard a word from them.
Thanks again
Leave before you get another blow to your suffering self-esteem.
Try not to schedule yourself so much that you have to squeeze a client in.
Save that time for when your other clients need to call you for added help.
I see problems with this statement: " I told the daughter in the beginning that I needed flexibility as I was squeezing her mother in and was not sure if I could do this regardless."
Yes "squeezing in" was not a proper set of words.
I appreciate your valuable comments with the last paragraph.
Always learning,