She rarely gets to be in her room (which I have decorated beautifully with photos of family all around and her favorite sayings/scenes, etc.) because they have to keep an eye on her, so she's always in the halls with all the others. I can't imagine what she feels just sitting there. When I visit, we always eat together in her room, and she's always exclaiming how beautiful it is.)
She is still sharp, but because we've never been relationally close (she's always been very all-about-appearances), I don't know how to talk with her and make her life better. Sometimes I just want to bring her home so we can have more time together and get to learn about her, but she needs 24hr supervision. She will crawl out of bed/chair from restless legs, and she'll go one or two whole nights without sleeping, then sleep for two whole days straight. So, I'm just so sad that a human being has to live like this and can't think of what else I can do for her.
She's got a beautiful room in a good nursing home community where she's looked after, properly, by a staff you recognize to be excellent. She's fed and entertained and medicated every day. You visit her on a regular basis and share meals with her in a room she considers beautiful. She's sleeping because she's tired and winding down after 97 years of life.
She's doing okay. She's peaceful and content, it sounds like, and in better conditions than the vast majority of elders her age. She doesn't seem to be in pain or suffering, either, and what a blessing THAT is!
It is YOU who's feeling sad and somehow responsible for her lot in life. You're not God, my friend, you're just a loving and concerned daughter. We all need to be reminded of that fact from time to time, myself included. When I get myself running on that hamster wheel, thinking I actually have the power to change my mother's life at 92, I have to give myself the same speech.
We can't fix old age.
All the best as you navigate this phase of life.
You can ensure that her paperwork is in order i.e. Living Will/DNR so that in the event she does arrest, she will not be resuscitated, which is a shockingly violent act that often ends in cracked ribs, punctured organs, and a ventilator.
You also can ensure that she's not being used by doctors to make a buck. Given her situation, I would stop all unnecessary doctors' visits and medicines. Medicines, especially ones for blood pressure and heart, may be making her tired. She may need lower doses or can be taken off one or more meds in a controlled manner.
You are a good daughter. Peace.
Nurses want to keep her safe & nearby, that's nice for mom 2, cuz it's around people instead of one room all day! I liked that for my mom, cuz she wud have been a hermit & also fallen down more, if not observed that way. It may look pitiful but it's normal for mom now. (& as long as she gets to see u, that makes her day!)
Try not to make urself sick over it all.💟
If you notice in many NHs the top staff, director, reception, manager, etc have little to no contact with residents. When their shift is done, they're gone.
Getting back to your point.
Keeping mom in hall in view of nursing staff, makes it easier on the staff.
You're right, my mom hasn't shown signs of mixed up thoughts that don't make any sense. She has very little to say, so maybe I haven't noticed what mental state she could really be in. As I said, we don't talk much except for the normal hello, and stuff I tell her about our family and my doings. Again, she has a short attention span.
Thank you very much.
I think perhaps the energy we have left for active enjoyment of life does diminish, inevitably, eventually. I hope and expect that what she feels when she's sitting with others is not much more than that she is tired, and all is well. It seems your mother is conserving her energy for your visits, and for the pleasure she takes in the room you've furnished for her so thoughtfully.
I don't mean you're wrong to be sad, of course not. But there do seem to be highlights worth focusing on instead, perhaps.
I often wonder if stirring up memories like that is a good thing, or a disturbing thing. Like..... "yeah, that's when I used to have a life. Now look at me." Isn't it crazy how we can so easily think the worst of things... maybe she really does enjoy looking at them. I hope and pray I don't live to be 97.... it's just too darn long. But again, that's my own feelings! Sheesh!
Hugs 🤗