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He is too much to handle at home. He is 86 and I am 85.


I was told a nursing home is the next option.


Presently he is in a psychiatric unit to determine what drugs may help.

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Yes the Nursing home will not take him known he is more than they can handle. Along with making other residence nervous and scared of his out burst and hollering.

Being in psychic ward I know is placed they . The chemical imbalance not he's crazy .
Switching medication to see which one is settling his body chemistry is like exploring.

It's unbelievable how our own body turns on us.
Many 🙏 prayers
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The psychiatric unit is his best option for now. Once his anxiety and agitation are under control, placement can be addressed. Most hospitals have either a social service or case management team to help with placing patients after they are stable. Ask to meet with the case manager or social worker to discuss his options for placement.
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When a patient gets to be too much for the staff to handle and he becomes a danger to others as well as a danger to himself, the next step is a mental health facility to be evaluated and given medications.

I had a client who was so combative and mean that I had to leave. I called the agency and told them that I would not be going back. Sure, they were angry; but my health and safety comes first before all else. I told them earlier on that this client needed additional help, but no one would listen. Instead they continued to send aides in to take care of the client. The client kept chasing the aides away and family had to keep stepping in to feed and take this person to appointments. I don't know what happened to this person, but I hope that they received the help needed.
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mikeathome: You're doing great! Remember to breathe. Your DH is where he needs to be currently and perhaps a nursing home would be required.
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This exact same thing has happened twice to my husband. The first time he went to a behavioral hospital was for sexual behavior. They gave him meds to curb those tendencies. This last time was for abusive behavior both verbal and aggressive behavior towards other residents. Another 2 an a half weeks with new meds and he was sent back to his MC facility. He’s pretty much just there now with all these meds. He keeps falling and has busted his head open a few times. It’s been a long journey that’s in its eleventh year. He’s been in MC a year an a half of those years. I’m 83 and he’ll be 83 next month. We are both old and tired of this journey. He’s has hospice care now, but they call yesterday and with hospice there to care for him he still fell.
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Talk with a social worker and doctor for assistance.
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Not sure about ADRC but APS is ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES
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graygrammie Aug 2023
Aging and Disability Resource Centers -- ADRC
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Get him a Geriatric Psychiatrist if he doesn't have one. He may need to go to a Psych facility until his issue is successfully medicated.
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For heaven's sake, what do those facilities harvest gold mines to do? They should be better equipped than that to help him.
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JoAnn29 Aug 2023
Memory cares are not equipped to care for someone like this. They must think of the other residents. Her next choice is LTC where he may be monitored better. But before that a Psychic facility to find out what cocktail meds will help with him.
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I think there are good medications to calm agitation. Hopefully they will find one and not simply knock him out.
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Yes, and sadly, a nursing home with a psyc unit and/or medications may be the last and sad answer ultimately. There is no question of your taking him home. He is currently being assessed. Keep close contact with the Social Worker. There are few choices left in such sad instances, and I am so sorry.
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anonymous1732518 Aug 2023
It really is. "Shudder" to spend the rest of your life there, but as you mentioned there may be no other choice.
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MC costs are higher than other AL units despite being incapable of providing appropriate care for “difficult” residents. Your story reinforces my poor view of MC units. My very docile sister is in MC in CA where I’m told a dx of dementia requires placement in MC. When she posed a risk of falling, memory care staff were unwilling to provide a higher level of supervision requiring family to hire private staff. I’ve instructed my adult children to avoid MC for me if/when I need care secondary to memory loss. At least where my sister is I see MC as a ripoff.
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taimedowne Aug 2023
I understand your concern but what alternative is there other than in-home care which most cannot afford?
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I experienced something similar with my father. I know state laws are different everywhere, I'm in Wisconsin and it is illegal to place a person with dementia (incurable disease) to a psychiatric facility. Also illegal to force the person to take medications. APS, my local ADRC, and ombudsman were all extremely helpful getting us the resources needed and educating me. APS helped me obtain guardianship and got him placed on a protective order in a SNF temporarily where they could level out his meds, which helped to calm his agitation and we were able to get him placed in MC. The ombudsman helped to facilitate meetings with the MC facility so we could all get on the same page to make sure dad was happy to be there and the staff was happy to have him. Good luck and don't be afraid to get APS involved to help you.
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salina95 Aug 2023
What does APS and ADRC stand for?
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Get direction from the social services and discharge planning services where he is presently hospitalized.
DO NOT, let them return him home as you share your age and his condition, this does not sound safe for either of you. Be clear with the discharge planning that YOU CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIM and, he must be placed. Be sure that his PCP and others are included in the conversation. You may also want to speak directly with an Elder Law Attorney to help navigate this. Hopefully you have other family who will be supportive for you. Take care of yourself.
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Sounds like the order that things are happening right now are correct:

He's safe in a psych wing and seeing what meds may help him. After he has consistently good result, then time to find placement for him.

You're doing great! Make sure to take care of yourself first and foremost!
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See if you can establish a connection between your husband’s psychiatrist and the memory care unit where he was previously placed, if you were satisfied with his care while he was there.

By dumb luck, I asked my LO’s memory care administrator to recommend a psychiatrist to see her when she was painfully agitated, and the resulting contacts served her well for the rest of her life.

Please continue to be steadfast in your decision to seek appropriate placement for him and under NO CIRCUMSTANCES consider bringing him “home”.
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I was told if my step-mother continued her outbursts that she would have to go into a psychiatric home.

We tried some new meds and she has calmed down, so she is still in MC.
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I don't know where he may have to go--but why don't you kind of wait and see what medications may help him before you get too worried about this.

It doesn't make sense that a MC facility isn't the first and best course of options--NH's are less capable (in my experience) of caring for people who are agitated and volatile.

Hopefully the pysch unit will be able to help you out with the next step.
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