I had guilt about not doing feeding g tube for dad 11 months ago and a relative cane over today and I. General was talking about not extending life at the end with ventilator etc but he drew the line with feeding tube saying ieyou can’t let them starve to death....a tidal wave of guilt hit me ie not knowing if I created additional suffering for dad by not feeding him nutrients ...my dads cousin had a feeding tube inserted recently and she seems to be bouncing back ....the g tube seemed cruel and uncomfortable to my already agitated father but a tube into stomach seemed to be a surgery that would have been too burdensome ie not sure ?
Everything I've read about feeding tubes in the very old or those with dementia or who are otherwise dying from disease says studies have proved again and again that they do not prolong life in any significant way - weeks and months at the most. The idea of "starving" someone is heartbreaking, but when people are nearing their final months they naturally lose the desire to eat and drink, even when they can still eat normally. I believe many elders live on indefinitely simply because they have caregivers who are willing to modify their diets and coax them to eat well beyond the point when they desire food - I know for years that my mother never asked for food.
The sad reality is that we are all mortal, sometimes living can be more painful than letting go and sometimes we can't stay no matter how hard we hold on. It's normal to second guess ourselves because we know we aren't perfect, but we all do our best with the information we have. Be at peace.
All the best!