Hi I am new here first time posting I been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety lately taking care of my 82 year old Mother who has dementia. Little bit of a background I live at home with my Mother, Brother, and adult Son. I also have five siblings 1 sister and three other brothers who offer me no help and support. My Brother who lives with us who is 50 is very little help he lives like a 20 year old and refuses to take on responsibilities. My Brother depends still on my Dementia Mother to take care of him. He lives his life like a Millennial and at this moment he's out of town on vacation with his girlfriend. While I'm at home taking care of Mother who yesterday was at her worst. All of suden yesterday my Mother started saying her Father was her Husband and that my Father was not her husband and she didn't know him. She even said she had twelve other kids and that we owned a store and lived in Mexico where she grew up. She even started bringing up more things from her past that didn't make sense and that scared me. I feel like the cause of this was all from my Brother who visited her with his whole family unannounced with no masks on. Mind you my Mother hasn't had company in months. I was so mad that he came in the house with no masks on with his wife and two teenage kids knowing you shouldn't be visiting your parents at this time with COVID 19. I got in to an argument with him about my Mother's health and didn't care. All he could say is you live in rent free house with air conditioning and your lucky. His wife yelled at me and said "we will take her" when I already know she doesn't care about my Mother at all and my Mother fears her. My Brother and his Wife only want her for money so they can pay for their kids college tuition. My Brother and his family left after I walked away and went in my room but already he's calling all my other siblings to tell them about me. I hate how no one helps me and that everyone thinks it's okay that my Brother who lives with me doesn't have to help out and he can go live his life and travel. I might not pay rent but I pay the bills of the house manage my Mother's money, take care of my Mother, and manage all of the house hold duties while still working. My Son helps when he can and does more than my siblings. That night after my Brother left my Mother was wandering at night around the house and fell in her room. My Son and I helped pick her up like always while my siblings just go live their lives and continue judge me and my son. For the past several nights I haven't slept because of her and have felt like I'm going to break. All my siblings are married besides my Brother who lives with me who has a girlfriend. All of them travel and live their lives while I'm stuck at home with my Mother to care for. I don't know what to do anymore all my siblings live close by but offer little to no help. I am divorced so they think it's okay for me to have no life and it's my duty to take care of my Mother. I don't know what to do anymore I would like to hear if anyone has had any similar issues with family members and if you have advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for venting so much I had to get this all out.
Please call your Area Agency on Aging and talk with the SWs there about getting some in home help, either respite hours or maybe an Adult Day Care (ADC). They can also help you start looking for LTC because with ALZ the day almost always comes when a single care giver cannot provide the 24/7 supervision and care needed. Your mother wandering at night makes me thing you may be very close to the time she needs LTC.
Do you have documentation of your staying in the home to care for your mother? Did her PCP state she could no longer live alone a couple of years back? Or is willing to write a letter affirming your mother needed care you provided for at least 2 years? If so, you may qualify to receive the house after your mother's death instead of the house being taken by Medicaid recovery _after_ her death. Medicaid does not force a sale of the home when someone enters LTC; however they will take any savings and most of your mother's monthly income to fund what she can of her LTC expenses, so anyone remaining in the home needs to be able to pay the bills there from their own resources, which you already are.