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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My father has had three episodes in the last 2 weeks. He becomes uncontrollable, speaks unintelligible words and curses for several minutes, then he relaxes and sleeps for a couple of hours.
My Mom has acute dementia and has been progressively been losing her short term memory (from 1 day -to- 15 min - to now- less than a minute) over the last two years. During the last 6 months she has had fits of control-freak anger. Her granddaughter (their have always been very close) moved in with my Mom with her young son. (My niece, myself and my siblings were all for this. My Mother often said that would be a nice arrangement after my Dad passed away). However, my Mom now wants the house empty and dark when she goes to bed (at about 7 PM) and throws a fit and uses foul language with my Niece and her son. I understand that part of it is motivated by a feeling of a loss of control, and by a "sun-downer syndrome" trigger; but my Niece and son also need a peaceful place to live. My 90+ yo Mom is strong and (walker level) ambulatory, and moves around the house quickly when she gets into her fits and could easily hurt herself or one of the other two. We have tried several approaches to reduce this behavior to a minimum and have come to a point of trying some atypical anti-psychotic drugs (with her primary MD and a consulting Psychologist advice). The drug seems to help in reducing the outburst but doesn't completely eliminate them. We are trying a slow ramp up (titration) in hopes of finding the "right dosage" that balances affect with risk (all drugs have risks). It seems to be working somewhat and has promise to be a solution for a relatively peaceful home environment that will allow my Mom to stay in her home. You might consider such an approach with your Mom's MD and a referred Psychologist.
My mother lives with me and she is in an early stage of dementia at her 94. There are 2-3 days she is nice as I knew her and then she starts for no reason to yell and shout at me, nothing is good enough for her, everybody is not at her level, I can not even say a word because she gets stocked on that word arguing all day. No matter what I say it is a arguing reason. If I do not answer at all she is going in hunger strike for few days, then she turns back to normal and does not remember anything or does not want to acknowledge it.
My Mother (64) Also Has "Out Of The Blue" Anger Outbursts As Well As Anxiety. The4e Are Words Coming Out Of Her Mouth That I Never Thought I'd Ever Hear. Any Recommendation On Medication To Lower The amount Of Outbursts?
(Sidenote: He Use To Be On Xanax But Now She Is On Klonopin And High Blood Pressure Medicine (not sure which Blood Pressure meds she's on though)
@ waiting for a life: It is very clear that you do not nor have you ever cared for you SD. No one can know what has happened in your home growing up, nor is it any of our business. That being said, It is fairly clear that your Mother does care for him. Please do not make thing any harder on her . That just exasserbates the situation.
Denisebt: As for the question of mood altering & unexpected outbursts along with foul language, this is something that is manifest with the loss of control & dementia. Husbands Grandfather exhibited this in his declining years. Behavior that was never present before.
My mother has dementia and I can tell you that cursing and temper tantrums do happen a lot. Mom will get angry about things that never bothered her before the disease and she will argue, curse and throw a fit if things are not going her way. She does not like leaving the house nor going to doctors but Friday I had to take her due to hearing "crackles when she would breath and wheezing." She yelled and screamed at me that SHE WAS NOT GOING, I HAD BETTER CALLED THEM AND CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT. You cannot reason with her but you attempt to explain why you need to go and it falls on deaf ears. I finally had to get a bit upset myself and tell her that if I had to call my two sisters to come and help me, we were taking her to the doctor, no ifs ands or buts! When we got there she was fine and we found out she had pneumonia from the x ray. Now she throws a fit every time she has to take the antibiotic and swears that she DOES NOT HAVE PNEUMONIA!
So yes, I would have to say the behavior is normal.
These can definitely be signs of "sun-downing", if not caused by another physical problem, such as infection. They are very common in moderate Alzheimer's and other Dementia patients. Believed to have something to do with change in their circadian rhythms and added frustration.
Get her doctor's email, and your father's doctor also. Send them the same email. Describe concisely was the symptoms are for your father, and the danger you fear your mother may be in. The conversation with the doctor can only be a one way thing, so they will probably not respond. The next time one of them goes to the doctor, that doctor can check for symptoms, talk with your mother in a separate room, check your mom for bruises. Be sure to let them know you do not want the doctors know you revealed the information to them. The doctors may be able to pursue this line of questions as ones "normally asked of patients of this age".
Keep in touch with your mom. You might see about taking her to "tea" nearby, so she can have a place to relax and feel safe. I wouldn't grill her on the state of things, but make the tea time enjoyable.
according to our diagnosing doc, as dementia travels from the frontal lobes around the side regions of the brain literally anything including wild sexual impulses can transpire. i still like to view dementia care like being night watchman at a looney bin. expect ANYTHING , just keep the person from hurting themselves. near the end of the journey you will have to ( unobtrusively ) accompany the patient thru nearly every step they take as mobility will become the big issue. i once grabbed mom when i saw her stumble while standing and to my surprise she was momentarily out cold and dead body weight. talk about having to get a grip. whew..
Hell yes! I've been called names I wouldn't use, had things tossed at me, and had my Mom attempt to strangle me (and she used to go after me, but I learned to run fast and installed a lock on the door). Now I look back and see it with some humor. I sure as hell didn't at the time. But my Mom is starting to get worse very quickly and it makes me sad.
Yes it is depending on the condition and its progression.A doctor can verify the source of the problem.It might be the disease or pain related,In either case the person cannot help it and perhaps is not aware of doing so.Again might be the meds and a side effect.In either case a doctor can determine the source.Good luck
After a year and half of living with someone who has dementia, I have found to not be surprised by anything...swearing, crying, hallucinations, threatening, hateful outbursts, gentleness, violence, weakness, strength, etc. I wander more what one should not expect from someone with Alzheimer or dementia.
yes i think that letting the elder be in control is important. one day as a pair of nurses were visiting i got mothers attention and informed her that i was sitting her bowl of ice cream back in the freezer for the duration of the visit. the very look on her face was one of " thank you, and she approved " . mother died but she died with dignity and the respect that her years of wisdom warranted.
I don't know if they're automatic symptoms, but my mild-mannered grandma started doing all that as she got sick. With regard to being physically out-of-control, be aware of that. Someone in this list mentioned trying to ask before helping the person they're caring for, and that's one way to be careful about this. But my point is that, as frail as they might seem, when my tiny grandma got agitated, she was very strong. She would push hard and it's possible that, if the circumstances had been right, that she could have pushed my mother (caregiver) to fall and be hurt, maybe down the stairs while being helped up or down, or just catching my mom unaware and throwing her off-balance. I want to specifically mention this because, if you haven't dealt with this, before, could really be hurt. They're not doing it to be mean, just maybe more out of frustration and not realizing what they're doing. I just mean that you need to be aware of this.
Swearing isn't at all at odds with certain stages of AD. Also, the aggression can be part of it, often, as noted, brought on by frustration and/or fear.
I agree that he needs to have a thorough exam to look for an infection or other cause of this behavior. His medications and his med schedule need to be checked over, too. If none of these are the problem, then perhaps the doctor could prescribe something to help.
I've seen several comments on antipsychotics that have helped some people. Sometimes they work miracles, but other times they make matters worse. This type of therapy isn't generally a first choice but the do have their place with certain patients.
If your dad is given any new medication, monitor how it's taken and how your dad responds as it absorbs as well as over time. Keep in contact with the doctor. There may be several med changes needed to find the right drug that can help.
Good luck. This is terribly hard on all of you who love him, Carol
My mom went through a most difficult combative stage. The only relief was medication change from a geriatric he ion center stay. She was there for 10 days and the results were miraculous. It could be many causes from infection, medication, or just the disease. There is help out there.
My Mother n law had more and more frequent outbursts of rage and verbal abusiveness toward my Husband and i. We finally spoke with her Dr.and he put her on AntiPsychotics.It has helped tremendously. She also suffers from hallucinations and the alzheimers meds have not really addressed this issue.She hasd been tested for UTI's and other infections which have all been negative. These are all associated with the alzheimers disease.
Yes outbursts and the slip of the tongue are very likely to happen. However you mentioned a few episodes where this happened, you may want to have him checked for a UTI as this can change their behavior. If he is fussed over too much and he is not welcoming it then it will cause an outburst. But I would definitely have him checked by a Dr.
When ALZ took general control of my mother, she would go into rages and swear like a truck driver (No insult intended toward truck drivers!) and throw things and be a terror to whomever she was around. Once the meds started working, she totally stopped the rages and became more calm. Now she's sweeter than she ever was. We eventually had to reduce her "antipsychotics" because she was sleeping too much, but even at a lower dose, the drugs work fine.
My stepdad has mild altzheimer's and he is the same way. He gets angered very easily, then throws a tantrum with obscene cursing, sometimes throwing things, and then stomping off. He has always had a short fuse, but the dementia has made it so much worse. I believe it is due to frustration and the fact that he knows he's losing it.
It is so hard on my mom who suffers from mild dementia and depression. IMO her depression is a result of his behavior. My SD and I never really have gotten along too well. I was never that tolerant of his behavior like my mother is, so I am the difficult stepdaughter. Because of him I don't visit near as much as I used to. I don't enjoy his rude comments about me he makes under his breath and his rude gestures, like shaking his head, rolling his eyes. and pounding his fist. I know he is jealous of my mom's relationship with me and he tries to make my visits as uncomfortable as possible. My mom has to walk on eggshells so to not set him off on a rampage.
My brothers and I have tried to talk her into leaving him as we think it is an unhealthy and miserable existence for her. He is verbally abusive to her, and although we've never seen it, and she denies it, we suspect he has been physically abusive, too. He would never consider going to the doctor or counseling and would probably blow up at the mention of it.
My brothers and I have offered to have my mother come live with us. One of my brothers even built a MIL apartment onto his house, but my mom refuses to leave him. She has it in her mind that even if she does move in with one of her children that they with eventually abandon her and she will be alone---her worst fear in the world. IMO he has embedded this into her brain so that she will not leave him. So, she stays with him beecause of her fear of being alone. Very, very sad.
agitation in dementia often is the result of lack of control. i never lifted a finger to help my mother without first asking her if she wanted my help. my sis on the other hand would hover, take control away and generally be an annoyance. mother pushed her caregiving away more than a few times over the years. lol. i learned a valuable lesson as a much younger man one day trying to corral a 300 + lb sow onto a truck. i was young and stupid and crowding the hogs thought process. the wise farmer told me you have to give a 300 lb hog time to think or he'll break both your legs and flip your truck.
If he was Irish and this happened on St. Patrick's Day I would not be alarmed. However, he is just as toxic and the cause needs to be identified, stroke or kidney failure or even thyroid malfunction. When he is delirious dial 911 and transport to the ER.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
(Sidenote: He Use To Be On Xanax But Now She Is On Klonopin And High Blood Pressure Medicine (not sure which Blood Pressure meds she's on though)
Denisebt:
As for the question of mood altering & unexpected outbursts along with foul language, this is something that is manifest with the loss of control & dementia. Husbands Grandfather exhibited this in his declining years. Behavior that was never present before.
So yes, I would have to say the behavior is normal.
Keep in touch with your mom. You might see about taking her to "tea" nearby, so she can have a place to relax and feel safe. I wouldn't grill her on the state of things, but make the tea time enjoyable.
mother died but she died with dignity and the respect that her years of wisdom warranted.
Carol
I agree that he needs to have a thorough exam to look for an infection or other cause of this behavior. His medications and his med schedule need to be checked over, too. If none of these are the problem, then perhaps the doctor could prescribe something to help.
I've seen several comments on antipsychotics that have helped some people. Sometimes they work miracles, but other times they make matters worse. This type of therapy isn't generally a first choice but the do have their place with certain patients.
If your dad is given any new medication, monitor how it's taken and how your dad responds as it absorbs as well as over time. Keep in contact with the doctor. There may be several med changes needed to find the right drug that can help.
Good luck. This is terribly hard on all of you who love him,
Carol
It is so hard on my mom who suffers from mild dementia and depression. IMO her depression is a result of his behavior. My SD and I never really have gotten along too well. I was never that tolerant of his behavior like my mother is, so I am the difficult stepdaughter. Because of him I don't visit near as much as I used to. I don't enjoy his rude comments about me he makes under his breath and his rude gestures, like shaking his head, rolling his eyes. and pounding his fist. I know he is jealous of my mom's relationship with me and he tries to make my visits as uncomfortable as possible. My mom has to walk on eggshells so to not set him off on a rampage.
My brothers and I have tried to talk her into leaving him as we think it is an unhealthy and miserable existence for her. He is verbally abusive to her, and although we've never seen it, and she denies it, we suspect he has been physically abusive, too. He would never consider going to the doctor or counseling and would probably blow up at the mention of it.
My brothers and I have offered to have my mother come live with us. One of my brothers even built a MIL apartment onto his house, but my mom refuses to leave him. She has it in her mind that even if she does move in with one of her children that they with eventually abandon her and she will be alone---her worst fear in the world. IMO he has embedded this into her brain so that she will not leave him. So, she stays with him beecause of her fear of being alone. Very, very sad.
lol. i learned a valuable lesson as a much younger man one day trying to corral a 300 + lb sow onto a truck. i was young and stupid and crowding the hogs thought process. the wise farmer told me you have to give a 300 lb hog time to think or he'll break both your legs and flip your truck.