I visited my father who is on hospice tonite he was awake and alert but not talking stoic look on his face. I said Dad you don't look like yourself tonight he replied I'm just tired. Before I left he was going to be put to bed I told him I love him like always. He said good bye but his eyes were locked in mine he was looking so intently as if to take in the look of my face...it was visceral I felt a pulling from my gut as if he was looking at me for the last time. I left said good night but cried after I got outside, he's never done this. I feel like he is going to die tonight. Can he know he is going to die?
Yes, that is normal for your circumstances.
These days, I rejoice when my worries and fears do not come true, and I am wrong.
When my father died, it was an unexpected event. He went to work, came home and died on the living room couch. My mother, who was not yet a Christian was devastated and required that I go to the mortuary and view my father’s body.
As I gazed upon the image on the table, my heart rejoiced. I lifted his right hand and held it, observing the scars, wrinkles and grime that still clung to his body. The thought came to me that he was now with God, his labor of this life was ended and the cord was cut, releasing him from all of earth’s demands and disappointments.
I look at my loved ones who are awaiting death now, and I see in their eyes that anticipation of release. Let Christ be your intercessor and He will bring joy, not sorrow, because then, you will see him tomorrow.
Mom on the other hand, was later in SNF just for recovery from a heart attack, then planning to go back home. One evening I felt a strong urge to go visit her, but didn't because I'd been there that day already. She died that night.
So, I believe sometimes the dying are ready to go and know it's time; and sometimes loved ones can sense it, too. And, sometimes, we're wrong, in thought and/or deed. Thank God for grace.
I hope you will have more time with him. If you do, make the best use of the time. If there are things you want to ask or tell him, do that now while he is still with you. It's probably the most difficult conversation to have, and I don't know if I can bring myself to do that with my mom.
(((Hugs))) for you during this stressful time.
The meaning of Dad's intense look into your face is to be interpreted only by you, and whatever meaning you give it is what matters, and what you will remember.
If this was goodbye, then you will remember. And I hope you find a good peaceful meaning for yourself, something that will comfort you.
Of course you are worried because he is in hospice, end of life care. Perhaps you want to be with him. Patients in hospice can and do live for years. You might want to protect yourself for the long run. So sorry that you and your Dad are going through this.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your concerns tonight.
I did not get to say goodbye to my Dad, so many years ago.
No one knows for sure Spiritstruck. I haven't been through this myself yet. But I just wanted to tell you, you're not alone tonight, and you're in my prayers.
Cyber Huggz