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This is happening to an 83 year-old friend of mine and I do not know what to do. I have looked at all his medications and compared his prescriptions with what she is giving him and they absolutely do not match up!
The adult child may feel they have the 'right' to withhold meds, but if they are prescribed, they should be administered.
My mom lives with my YB and more than once, (when she was capable of using the phone) she'd call me and be crying that YB was withholding her pain meds. I'd go up and deal with it--me fighting with YB to please give mother her painmeds and who CARED if she was addicted to them at age 85? She had terrible bone-on-bone pain in her hip and was in such pain--YB was actually being a real jerk about it--he and mother have a twisted, weird relationship.
He KNEW that she could have 1 pill every 4 hrs and he'd not let her 'hold them'--she had to call to him to bring her one. It was humiliating for her. She'd have to let the pain get so bad it would take hours to get under control.
Finally, threatening legal intervention and a huge fight, he gave in. I took her to the ER and talked outside her room to the doc on call. Said she was an elder in danger from YB and what the hospital did after that did make YB aware there were eyes on him. No other meds pf hers was a problem, but if you have chronic pain, you know how hard it is to get under control, once it's gotten bad.
It was dealt with, probably a call or visit from APS, I don't know. Mother knew she could call me and I'd bring her something if YB was into the withholding. He really got off on the 'control' he has over Mother.
Sadly, our family is very fractured and the root cause is the bullying mother endures with brother. It's always something, but it's the situation she CHOSE and continues to choose, so we don't do anything.
Without being there, this is not an easy question to answer.
How do you know what your friend is actually taking or required to take? Does your friend have dementia? If so, can you trust what he says? Are you there to observe all times medication is given? How do you "see" his prescriptions? Are they current prescriptions? Are they life-saving or not? Are they pain control? Can your friend take these medications? Is your friend refusing the medications?
If I look at my mother's medication list either through her non-Medicare insurance or her current doctor's portal, there are MANY Rxes listed, but she doesn't currently take all those! Even when I started to manage things for her, while she was living in her home, SHE decided to stop taking some of these, such as for cholesterol and a few others - unclear if she really needed those, so I focused on the ones she still took daily.
Since moving to MC, it is primarily her BP meds and an eye vitamin suggested by the doctor treating her Mac Deg that mom was taking. Some meds when needed for UTIs and subsequent severe sun-downing. Last year the regular doctor eliminated one of the 3 BP meds she was taking. More recently, due mostly to a stroke in early October, she has been refusing or spitting out medication. When asked by the staff nurse to eliminate the eye vitamin, I agreed. I had stopped the Mac Deg treatments due to that stroke and the difficulty she would have trying to get through the whole process (it was difficult already due to dementia and refusal to stand or walk, the stroke just made getting her there and through it MORE taxing on her.) The vitamin really wasn't life-saving, just maybe helpful. Since then she's been admitted to hospice. I was told more often than not she's not taking at least one of the BP meds (large capsule, can't swallow it.) I contacted the pharmacist and asked, since it is a capsule, could they open it and put the contents in something she can take, like a bit of ice cream or applesauce. I was told this was fine. I would prefer she continue to get these meds AND monitor both BP and whether she takes it. If she's still refusing, but BP is okay, then no worries. If her BP is going up, she could suffer a massive heart attack or stroke. THAT is better to avoid!
If you are just "helping" as a friend and have no legal standing, what would you do? You likely aren't privy to your friend's medical records, so you don't really know if the needed medications are being withheld. Just because there are prescriptions sitting there, you have no way to know if they are still needed, or if your friend is refusing to take them.
If you are helping with this child's approval and have a reasonable relationship with the child and your friend, perhaps you can just inquire what medications are needed and when, in case said child is unavailable to dispense. I wouldn't accuse the child of anything, as this will likely result in you being banished.
Are you sure they're not generics, with different names for each med? And are you sure that the "prescriptions" you checked are currently prescribed by physicians or NPs? Lists do change and meds d/c'ed.
Have you asked either your friend or your friend, although I realize this could be a delicate situation?
I think that looking at medications, if you mean bottles of pills, cannot give you the information you need to judge what is happening here. How did you come to believe that medications are being withheld? Who is the POA for Health care or responsible for administering pills? Are some of these pills mind altering? I think the important thing here is to talk with the caregiver and the 83 year old friend. That would make a start. For instance, when an anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, narcotic pain med is needed it is often advised to caregivers with POA or health care 24/7 care that they keep medications that can be mind altering in a special place and give them out only as prescribed, this being due to the tendency for some medications to so alter the mind that there is a danger of overdose with falls resulting, even death. More information would be helpful. Do know also that the presence of a mess of bottles doesn't always mean that those medications are still to be taken by a person, or in the amounts on the bottle; often doctors will juggle around things such as diuretics, potassium supplements, blood pressure medications. Good luck moving forward. The best thing to do is always to go to the person who is controlling the medications you are worrying about. I hope you will get an explanation that will relieve your mind.
There is not enough information here to make a judgement. If you want to provide more details about your role and who the caregiver is that may help us help you.
I will play devils advocate and say that when I was managing my mothers meds it was a dynamic situation with meds being stopped and new meds starting, doses changing. The Rx list was long and if anyone had walked in at one instant and tried to assess the situation by looking at bottles they would have thought her meds were not being given properly. My mother wasn’t able to keep track of all the changes. But I did it meticulously amidst the chaos and while fighting her poor memory. My mother was not a reliable reporter you see.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The adult child may feel they have the 'right' to withhold meds, but if they are prescribed, they should be administered.
My mom lives with my YB and more than once, (when she was capable of using the phone) she'd call me and be crying that YB was withholding her pain meds. I'd go up and deal with it--me fighting with YB to please give mother her painmeds and who CARED if she was addicted to them at age 85? She had terrible bone-on-bone pain in her hip and was in such pain--YB was actually being a real jerk about it--he and mother have a twisted, weird relationship.
He KNEW that she could have 1 pill every 4 hrs and he'd not let her 'hold them'--she had to call to him to bring her one. It was humiliating for her. She'd have to let the pain get so bad it would take hours to get under control.
Finally, threatening legal intervention and a huge fight, he gave in. I took her to the ER and talked outside her room to the doc on call. Said she was an elder in danger from YB and what the hospital did after that did make YB aware there were eyes on him. No other meds pf hers was a problem, but if you have chronic pain, you know how hard it is to get under control, once it's gotten bad.
It was dealt with, probably a call or visit from APS, I don't know. Mother knew she could call me and I'd bring her something if YB was into the withholding. He really got off on the 'control' he has over Mother.
Sadly, our family is very fractured and the root cause is the bullying mother endures with brother. It's always something, but it's the situation she CHOSE and continues to choose, so we don't do anything.
How do you know what your friend is actually taking or required to take?
Does your friend have dementia? If so, can you trust what he says?
Are you there to observe all times medication is given?
How do you "see" his prescriptions?
Are they current prescriptions?
Are they life-saving or not?
Are they pain control?
Can your friend take these medications?
Is your friend refusing the medications?
If I look at my mother's medication list either through her non-Medicare insurance or her current doctor's portal, there are MANY Rxes listed, but she doesn't currently take all those! Even when I started to manage things for her, while she was living in her home, SHE decided to stop taking some of these, such as for cholesterol and a few others - unclear if she really needed those, so I focused on the ones she still took daily.
Since moving to MC, it is primarily her BP meds and an eye vitamin suggested by the doctor treating her Mac Deg that mom was taking. Some meds when needed for UTIs and subsequent severe sun-downing. Last year the regular doctor eliminated one of the 3 BP meds she was taking. More recently, due mostly to a stroke in early October, she has been refusing or spitting out medication. When asked by the staff nurse to eliminate the eye vitamin, I agreed. I had stopped the Mac Deg treatments due to that stroke and the difficulty she would have trying to get through the whole process (it was difficult already due to dementia and refusal to stand or walk, the stroke just made getting her there and through it MORE taxing on her.) The vitamin really wasn't life-saving, just maybe helpful. Since then she's been admitted to hospice. I was told more often than not she's not taking at least one of the BP meds (large capsule, can't swallow it.) I contacted the pharmacist and asked, since it is a capsule, could they open it and put the contents in something she can take, like a bit of ice cream or applesauce. I was told this was fine. I would prefer she continue to get these meds AND monitor both BP and whether she takes it. If she's still refusing, but BP is okay, then no worries. If her BP is going up, she could suffer a massive heart attack or stroke. THAT is better to avoid!
If you are just "helping" as a friend and have no legal standing, what would you do? You likely aren't privy to your friend's medical records, so you don't really know if the needed medications are being withheld. Just because there are prescriptions sitting there, you have no way to know if they are still needed, or if your friend is refusing to take them.
If you are helping with this child's approval and have a reasonable relationship with the child and your friend, perhaps you can just inquire what medications are needed and when, in case said child is unavailable to dispense. I wouldn't accuse the child of anything, as this will likely result in you being banished.
Have you asked either your friend or your friend, although I realize this could be a delicate situation?
Who is his caregiver?
I think the important thing here is to talk with the caregiver and the 83 year old friend. That would make a start.
For instance, when an anti-anxiety, anti-depressant, narcotic pain med is needed it is often advised to caregivers with POA or health care 24/7 care that they keep medications that can be mind altering in a special place and give them out only as prescribed, this being due to the tendency for some medications to so alter the mind that there is a danger of overdose with falls resulting, even death.
More information would be helpful.
Do know also that the presence of a mess of bottles doesn't always mean that those medications are still to be taken by a person, or in the amounts on the bottle; often doctors will juggle around things such as diuretics, potassium supplements, blood pressure medications.
Good luck moving forward. The best thing to do is always to go to the person who is controlling the medications you are worrying about. I hope you will get an explanation that will relieve your mind.
How is it that the caregiver leaves these medications out for other's to view?
And others who might steal?
I agree that in no way are the bottles, the directions for taking the meds going to match what is actually administered or taken.
If your friend is in pain, asks for pain medication (while you are there), and the medication is withheld, that could be a time to ask about it.
I will play devils advocate and say that when I was managing my mothers meds it was a dynamic situation with meds being stopped and new meds starting, doses changing. The Rx list was long and if anyone had walked in at one instant and tried to assess the situation by looking at bottles they would have thought her meds were not being given properly. My mother wasn’t able to keep track of all the changes. But I did it meticulously amidst the chaos and while fighting her poor memory. My mother was not a reliable reporter you see.