Is it legal for current facility to trash patient/ family member to a prospective new facility?

If you are not moving your grandmother out of state, there is a good chance the facility she is currently in has a reputation locally...for better or worse. If it is known they are not a good facility, their comments will most likely be discounted. Instead of suing them, maybe your mom could go meet with the staff at the facility you hope to place your grandmother and explain her side of the story.

Has she actually been rejected by other facilities or is it just what you anticipate? If these people are actually preventing her from moving by their actions, please consult a lawyer. It is a good idea to communicate a problem in an email (in writing) so that you have a record of what is said. You could record a phone conversation, but be aware it is illegal to do so without their consent in some states. Just say "this is, insert name ,on a recorded line". It is important to remain calm and business-like when discussing problems. I know it can be hard because it's about grandma, but you will have better results this way.

If I’m reading your post correctly, both the state & ombudsman reviews of situations resulted in nothing negative for the facility, is that right?

If that is what appears in the records, then there will likely be a series of notes as to the numerous/ various concerns made by family, AND that state and ombudsman review showed no cause which prospective facilities can look at. Remember a NH wants to know that they can meet a residents level of care needed so a chart review can be done. Any facility can read through the lines to know that this residents family is beyond totally unrealistic in what they expect for care. Yeah, I know it’s harsh but if all concerns come up unfounded that’s what it is.

You don't mention how grans stay is being paid, if this is all private pay, grannie can hire and pay for aides to do whatever for her. The aides do have to be acceptable for the NH liability concerns so they need to be bonded, have training etc. But she can pay to hire whatever in a totally private pay facility. I’d budget 12-25k a mo between room&board and aides taxable salaries. But if she is there as a “dual” on Medicare & Medicaid or the facility takes Medicaid even though she’s not on Medicaid, the staffing will be very tight. Really most NH have some Medicaid beds and for those it’s just doing the basics required & based on her needs assessment.

A NH will have a MD who is the medical director of the place. Once they become resident of the NH, that MD almost always takes over as their primary physician. If there is a preexisting condition or follow up with a past MD, often NH will work with family to have those appointments happen. But this needs to be discussed in advance with NH. For my mom, she had this with her retinal specialist and he saw her as a follow up from surgery before she enter a NH. Now I took her and he accepted just her Medicare as his fees as he did not take duals at all in his practice. And the eye drops prescribed were given to floor nurse and in turn the NH medical director wrote out a new script from the exact drops so it could be paid through Medicaid & Medicare and wrote orders in her chart as to administration of the drops so it was done by NH staff. All orders for care must come through MD who is the medical director of the facility. A NH cannot have outside MD ordering care, therapy, RX as each sees fit to do. NH require a “continuium of care” approach, where everything comes from the medical director and in turn flows through the DON (director of nursing) then onto DON floor charge nurses. I”m guessing your mom & the DON have a total dislike for each other, that is very VERY not good as the DON really is the ruler and goddess of the facility. Your family keeps this up, a facility can come up with reasons to send you all a “30 Day Notice” which means grannie has 30 days stay left and must vacate the facility by day 31. 30 Day Notice super serious stuff.

Regarding dental care, in my experience, routine dental care is not included in Medicare coverage or elderly Medicaid coverage. For NH, “Oral hygiene” is that an attempt is made with resident for care. And those pink sponge tip mini wands that have plaque retardant & antiseptic embedded in them are considered appropriate oral hygiene. If they want to brush & floss & do a mouth rinse it’s on the resident to do that on their own. A better NH will have the nighttime aides routinely squeeze toothpaste onto a brush, but other than than it's all on the resident.

On bathing, if gran refuses to shower, she can. Often they do and when it gets to effect their skin health, MD will write orders that shower must happen and she will be placed into Geri bathing chair on wheels & taken to showering room and has a bathing team shower done. If she does not have her own shower gel / body wash, she’s bathed with whatever product in the dispenser.

Moat have standing appointment at onsite beauty shoppe for wash & set paid from personal needs allowance.

If they are falsely accusing you and family you can file a defamation of character lawsuit. Telling the truth and sticking to the facts is okay, but when things are made up they have crossed a line.

Can you put in writing to the new facility the challenges you have had getting g'ma cared for? Stick to the facts, no speculation, no emotion.

Gma needs better care are you believe their faculty would be better equipped to handle that.

If you are turned away because of lies, sue the pants off the facility that is lying. Record phone calls so if people say they don't want to be involved you have the recording of the lies being told.

Make sure you live in a state that only one person on the call needs to consent to recording, if not say at the beginning that you are recording the call, short and sweet and move the conversation along, hopefully they won't say I can't talk to you and hang up.