My mother won't take care of herself and I don't know what to do. I am 38 years old and a single mother of 4. At times she feels like one of my kids. My mother is 62 and since her health has been slowly deteriorating due to her diet, a stroke she suffered years ago, and other things she hasn’t really shared with me, she has been trying to have me take care of her. When all these things first occurred 5 years ago, I attempted to take care of her by taking on her bills, moving in with her because she couldn’t afford the rent, helping with medical insurance and changing her diet. I also wanted to move to be closer to my kids' schools so, it worked out. This all lasted a year and she was very unhappy with me handling everything so, she left me to live with my older brother. Upon her leaving, me and my kids were evicted and had to move out of her place and fight to find another place within 2 months. I don’t know what happened at my brother's but after 2 years it’s my understanding that she can’t live there anymore. She then moved in with my grandparents and has been there for a little over a year now. Upon talking to my grandma over the past couple months, she can no longer live there either. My car broke down recently and my mother has been helping me get my kids back and forth to school but it became a bargaining chip for her to move back in with me. I am unsure why she keeps bouncing from house to house and I don’t think it would be healthy for us to live together. I feel guilty for not wanting to be here for her and help. Her health isn’t horrible but it is deteriorating due to old age, there are signs of dementia and she has suffered two stokes so far. I just have so much on my plate as it is and I don't think I can handle all this responsibility. She doesn’t work and is on her phone most of the time. She's not very active. She just started receiving SSI and will be getting disability soon. I hope that will be enough for assisted living. My oldest son just graduated and we plan on moving to a bigger place soon. I want to make the best decision for me and my household as well as my mother. Any advice would be very helpful. Thank you.
I would suggest that you stay out of it, and concentrate on getting your life together, let her figure hers out.
Living with her didn't work out before and it will not work now. Accept reality and just tell her exactly that. She will get over it.
I would continue to work hard to be independent and able to care for your own children, and keep your own home and transportation safe.
Your Mother is quite young. What she does with or without other members of the family I would leave to them and stay out of. If in fact I could, I would remove myself and my children from the area in general. This would prevent a whole lot of enmeshment between generations and family.
I would be certain that I would not be moving in with family again, nor allowing them to move in. What they do with their lives is their business and what you do with yours is yours.
Your obligation is to your children. Not your Mother. If she comes to be in dire need she has access to the same resources anyone else has in our day and times, and in the country we live in. I would give emotional support, but no other.
I wish you a whole of luck. You are responsible for your own choices in all this, which I know you recognize. Hope things will go well for you.
The best decision for you may not be what your mom wants but is what you need. I think the only responsibility you have is helping her find a place to live, that is not your house.