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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
She has dementia. She absolutely refuses to leave her home or have help come in. She leaves garbage and dishes in her sink on purpose and won't let anyone clean up the mess. She has fallen 4 times in the last 3 months.
What’s wrong is to leave her alone in an unsafe situation. Many here have used “therapeutic lies” to gain someone’s cooperation. You can also let experienced staff at the place she’s moving to give you guidance on making the move happen as peacefully as possible
My husband and his family went to support group to learn how to deal with their Mom. They were advised that they could stretch the truth when dealing with her. She was diagnosed with vascular dementia and for her own safety aging in place was no longer an option. She was placed in a secure unit in a beautiful facility. She was told her deceased husband (who she adored) purchased this “condo” for her. She accepted that answer.
It's a tricky one. You know her best, go with your gut instinct I guess.
Personally, I dislike dishonesty. BUT reasoning & logic only works when someone can understand the reason & logic.
Maybe a 'Don't tell, don't ask' approach eg only disclose what you truly have to?
We are going out this morning. Bring you coat. We'll have coffee, I want you to meet ... from the other week. There's a lot of cleaning & maintenace to be done at your place but there is a nice room you can stay here. There are meals too, no cooking required. Best of all, no cleaning up either! All of that IS true.. (hopefully the room is nice..).
Over the next few days, each visit you cabring g some personal items. I thought this photo could go here - here's that good rug from home - that nice cushion from your sofa - a few more clothes each time.
Gently or with straight up honesty.
I don't know if there there is a RIGHT way, just what will be best for each family.
She will be angry, sad, grieve her home, maybe blame you. My heart goes out to both of you.
Tell her, knowing her, whatever you think will work best. This is a matter of making this as good for her as you are able. But I will warn you that habit is all, for our very impaired seniors. She will notice and she will be anxious, and perhaps tearful. She hopefully will adjust. Not everything can be fixed. And isn't this loss, yet another one in a world of losses, worth grieving, for you both?
I wish you well and hope that this goes better than you hoped.
Thats how I did it. Mom was too into her Dementia to explain it. So I took her there and told her it was her new apt. That she would make new friends. She adjusted well.
My friend took mom on a day trip gone all day. meanwhile family/friends and hired help moved furniture into new apt set it up in relatively the same as old place hanging pictures, setting up tv chairs tables in the "right" places. After the long day, of driving around, visiting people or places drove to the new place and while walking in saying "Oh isn't it great to be home" "I'm so glad we are home" "oh what a wonderful place like home". It may work but once she's there she may be too tired to fight.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Personally, I dislike dishonesty. BUT reasoning & logic only works when someone can understand the reason & logic.
Maybe a 'Don't tell, don't ask' approach eg only disclose what you truly have to?
We are going out this morning. Bring you coat. We'll have coffee, I want you to meet ... from the other week. There's a lot of cleaning & maintenace to be done at your place but there is a nice room you can stay here. There are meals too, no cooking required. Best of all, no cleaning up either!
All of that IS true.. (hopefully the room is nice..).
Over the next few days, each visit you cabring g some personal items. I thought this photo could go here - here's that good rug from home - that nice cushion from your sofa - a few more clothes each time.
Gently or with straight up honesty.
I don't know if there there is a RIGHT way, just what will be best for each family.
She will be angry, sad, grieve her home, maybe blame you. My heart goes out to both of you.
I wish you well and hope that this goes better than you hoped.
Ideally, it would be nice to be able to tell her the truth. If she won’t be able to comprehend this news then what choice do you have?
You can’t leave her where she is if she isn’t able to do everyday tasks anymore.
You have to find some way to get her to the facility. Don’t beat yourself up over what you may have to say to her.
Consider it an accomplishment that you have brought her to a place where she will be well cared for.
meanwhile
family/friends and hired help moved furniture into new apt set it up in relatively the same as old place hanging pictures, setting up tv chairs tables in the "right" places. After the long day, of driving around, visiting people or places drove to the new place and while walking in saying "Oh isn't it great to be home" "I'm so glad we are home" "oh what a wonderful place like home".
It may work but once she's there she may be too tired to fight.