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I am the primary caregiver for my grandma. I spend every single day with her and have for the past few years. She’s 95 (96 in a few days) with dementia but has been in pretty good physical health. She’s able to use a walker and get around the house pretty well on her own. Still able to bathe herself too. Usually has a pretty healthy appetite too and loves coffee. About a week ago one night she had trouble sleeping. Couldn’t get to sleep until about 3am. When she finally did fall asleep, she didn’t wake up until almost 1pm. Since then, ALL she is doing is sleeping. She will wake up for about 2 minutes and then go back to sleep. She’s barely talking and won’t eat. Doesn’t even want coffee. I’ve gotten to the point of just giving her ensure drinks and making her drink them. She doesn’t have a problem swallowing, she just says she’s just not hungry. She swears she’s not hurting and she doesn’t feel sick or bad. She’s just kind of “numb” feeling. Meaning she has no energy or desire to do anything. If I do manage to get her to stand up it’s such a struggle for her to walk to the next room. Yesterday I finally got her to drink water and eat a full meal and she stayed awake with me for a while last night. Then this morning she got out of bed on her own and came out for breakfast and lunch too. Ate both meals. Then she took a nap for about an hour and it was right back to not being able to move and not wanting food and just falling asleep.



At this point I’m not sure what to try. And I don’t know if there’s something actually wrong, or if it’s in her head? I can’t tell because she swears she does not feel bad at all.



Any suggested are so greatly appreciated!

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i hope your grandmother will be ok!! i hope you're ok!!

anytime i've seen this (sudden weakness, not wanting to get out of bed, just wanting to sleep, no fever), it was because of a severe UTI. drinking water is very important (both to prevent UTIs and to treat them). however, when the UTI is very severe, antibiotics are needed.

if you can, get a doctor (home visit). please try to avoid hospitals (she's soon 96). she might want to stay home, no matter what. let her celebrate at home. bday soon!! :) :)

96 and hospitalized can be very dangerous (easily catch more infections/problems in a hospital).
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It seems that this is the beginning of the last leg of her journey on Earth. At 96, it's not unusual. As a matter of fact she has way past the average life expectancy for women in the U.S. She isn't sick so, she needs no doctors appointments, she needs no new medicines. This stage may go up and down for who knows how long. You can't make her live forever.
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JaMiee Apr 2022
I agree she has lived a good long life. I’m only concerned because this wasn’t a gradual decline. It came on all the sudden. Then she was back to normal this morning and then after a nap it was a sudden drop again. I have made my peace with the very real possibility that her days are coming to an end.
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She's declining. Now might be a good time to initiate a Hospice Evaluation. Some patients decline rapidly, others a bit longer, and to have Hospice involved will make this last journey smoother for both you and your grandma. Three weeks ago mom was going to the bathroom most times with some assistance, somewhat ambulatory, sitting at the table to eat her meals (small portions and pureed) and generally feeling well. This week she is on Haldol, Morphine and Ativan (terminal agitation and pain) as we are now counting the weeks.....days? She is not eating and barely drinking Ensure while being completely bedridden. She sleeps 24/7 and has been under Hospice care for six weeks. Medicare pays for all Hospice related services including hospital beds, durable medical equipment, meds, diapers, aides, nurses, social and spiritual services. They are a godsend because of both their expertise and compassion. She's lived a long life and will be in good hands until her passing. Peace to you both.
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The decline before death is not uniform, it's up and down process. Sometimes, when somebody dies relatives feel surprised, because the patient had shown a remarkable improvement in the days that preceded his/her death.
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My MIL with VD is this way as well, but no real mobility issues (92). But it's been this way for a few months and she does rally some days. She may have a UTI, and I suspect that in my MIL as well, who ALWAYS tests positive for a UTI for the past 2 years. She will take a round of antibiotics and still test positive, actually the colony count will increase. She has pretty bad side effects from the antibiotics (stomach issues from colon cancer surgery 20 years ago), so we have quit testing and treating for now, but I do wonder if it is the chronic UTI or just a general failing of health.
My SIL keeps saying she's nearing the end, but then she will have a good day so who knows? And she's doing purty good compared to my dad in a nursing home with 10 thousand issues. It's just a day at a time at this stage of the game.
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my dad does this. He can sleep through a day. His doctor told me it is normal for patients with Alzheimer’s to do this. I think at this stage just being kind, compassionate and encouraging is the best we can do. My dad often says he’s not hungry, but if I make a meal and just give it to him he sometimes will eat the whole thing, other times just he just moves his food around the plate. I feel like I this stage there’s no textbook way to handle your grandma, just follow your instincts and make sure she’s comfortable. I know how hard this is, how heartbreaking it is, but there’s not a lot we can do to ‘force’ our will on them.
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Part of the decline as a person nears the end of life is
Increased sleeping
Decreased need for food or water.
both by the way are indicators for Hospice when they are recertifying someone on Hospice.
The big concern with increased sleeping is that she should be repositioned at least every 2 hours. And every 2 hours she should be checked to see if her briefs need to be changed.
If your grandma is not on Hospice you might want to contact a Hospice in your area (who ever is POA should do this)
Hospice will provide a bed that will help to minimize pressure sores. They will also provide any other equipment that you would need to care for her safely. They will also provide all the supplies you need. And a Nurse would come 1 time a week to check on her and order any medications she needs. They will be delivered to the house. A CNA will come at least 2 times a week to help bathe her, change bedding and order supplies. And you can request a Volunteer that can sit with her if you have to go out. A Social Worker and a Chaplain would be available as well.
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