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Is she also medical POA? (Often designated in a health care directive?) That is who has authority to make that kind of decision, IF the person is incompetent.
If this person can still make decisions about where she wants to go, that is the decision that matters.
Why is your sister making these restrictions? Is she also the primary caregiver?
Wheel, so sorry to read on your profile that your Mom has cancer.
As for your sister having Power of Attorney, it doesn't kick in unless your Mom is no longer able to make decisions for herself. And that includes where your Mom wishes to live, as long as it is reasonable. I assume your sister is living with Mom at Mom's home?
Did you sister have to uproot herself and her family to stay with Mom? Did she need to give up employment? Did she leave behind children or grandchildren? That can make someone very bitter.
One would think your sister would be more than happy to have Mom be at your place, to give your sister a much needed rest. Or maybe this is resentment being your sister feels she has to be in charge of everything, and that can be very exhausting, and no one wants to help [even though you were offering].
What I would suggest is for your to ask your sister if there is anything you can do to help. Or just say outright that you will be doing such and such to help your sister, as sometimes people are afraid to say yes toward help.
It would be great if you both could work as a team.
Even with my Moms Dementia I would have loved one of my brothers taking her for a few days. If Mom can make decisions then the POA cannot keep her from coming. Not even sure if a POA has that control even if Mom can't make that decision. On my Moms medical POA it was written like a living will. I felt my responsibility was to carry out her wishes using the info her doctor and nurses gave me.
Mom is very capable of making decisions. My sister has uprooted my mom and forced her to stay with her, not in her own home. My sister thinks having POA means she can and will make all decisions regarding her care! Mom was quite upset over it and said after a few days, she wants to go home. We have all been taking turns taking care of her in her home, but I have been taking her to my home for the weekends for a change of pace.
My sister was even trying to get her declared incompetent, but the Dr said no he wouldn't do it.
My sister simply wants to be in control. She took her car and also changed all the locks to the house. Us kids have always had copies or was told where the key was. I felt, that since mom's health was failing, we should all have a key, in case of emergency, since two of us live out of town. I will say, that my sister adds stress to the situation. Instead of letting one of us take care of mom for a day or two, she comes over or calls instead of taking a break.
Not saying that I know more than she does, but my husband and I moved in with my father in law and cared for him for 10 years. I would never have thought of having him declared incompetent and we even encouraged the two sister to take time with him.
I did try offering to help and offering suggestions, but she takes it as I am telling her what to do.
Sis has no legal grounds to keep Mom from visiting you. Now the question is, how do you enforce Mom's rights? I'd guess a call to APS, but others who've had experience like this will probably offer more knowledgeable advice.
What is APS? I also asked if we could talk finances. Like a summary of her banking, savings,CD’s so we discuss moms care. She took offense and said it was private and confidential and that ahe would talk to moms lawyer. She jas taken her car away even though the nurses say she is ok for short drives, like to have coffee with her friends. I feel like she has isolated her from everyone.
Adult Protection Services. They'll investigate if you report suspected abuse of a vulnerable person.
As POA, your sister does have authority to handle Mom's finances, and she has no obligation to share financial information with you (unless Mom tells her to).
She does NOT have authority to control where Mom visits. I think that is what you need to concentrate on now.
(sigh) I wish people really understood the title of POA, since it seems to be the root cause of a LOT of issues on this board.
It goes into effect ONLY when the "patient" can no longer make decisions for themselves. Period. It DOES NOT give somebody "POWER" to run another person's life. My brother is a case in point: he states over and over that mother is of perfectly sound mind, but in the same breath he will state he will do "this and such " for mother since he has POA, and nobody can "challenge" him. He cannot have it both ways. Either she is competent and he needs to let her make her own decisions or he needs to have her evaluated for competency and then his "powers" kick in.
So tonight I get a text from her and says she had been granted temporary custody to protect moms best interests. I have no idea what she is trying to pull. I was to start my two weeks with mom (she jad her 2 weeks) Wouldn’t a court have to determine that? What would it change any way? Does she think she had more control? All I want is to spend quality time with mom, and i get this bullying and torment...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If this person can still make decisions about where she wants to go, that is the decision that matters.
Why is your sister making these restrictions? Is she also the primary caregiver?
As for your sister having Power of Attorney, it doesn't kick in unless your Mom is no longer able to make decisions for herself. And that includes where your Mom wishes to live, as long as it is reasonable. I assume your sister is living with Mom at Mom's home?
Did you sister have to uproot herself and her family to stay with Mom? Did she need to give up employment? Did she leave behind children or grandchildren? That can make someone very bitter.
One would think your sister would be more than happy to have Mom be at your place, to give your sister a much needed rest. Or maybe this is resentment being your sister feels she has to be in charge of everything, and that can be very exhausting, and no one wants to help [even though you were offering].
What I would suggest is for your to ask your sister if there is anything you can do to help. Or just say outright that you will be doing such and such to help your sister, as sometimes people are afraid to say yes toward help.
It would be great if you both could work as a team.
Mom was quite upset over it and said after a few days, she wants to go home. We have all been taking turns taking care of her in her home, but I have been taking her to my home for the weekends for a change of pace.
My sister was even trying to get her declared incompetent, but the Dr said no he wouldn't do it.
My sister simply wants to be in control. She took her car and also changed all the locks to the house. Us kids have always had copies or was told where the key was. I felt, that since mom's health was failing, we should all have a key, in case of emergency, since two of us live out of town.
I will say, that my sister adds stress to the situation. Instead of letting one of us take care of mom for a day or two, she comes over or calls instead of taking a break.
Not saying that I know more than she does, but my husband and I moved in with my father in law and cared for him for 10 years. I would never have thought of having him declared incompetent and we even encouraged the two sister to take time with him.
I did try offering to help and offering suggestions, but she takes it as I am telling her what to do.
As POA, your sister does have authority to handle Mom's finances, and she has no obligation to share financial information with you (unless Mom tells her to).
She does NOT have authority to control where Mom visits. I think that is what you need to concentrate on now.
It goes into effect ONLY when the "patient" can no longer make decisions for themselves. Period. It DOES NOT give somebody "POWER" to run another person's life. My brother is a case in point: he states over and over that mother is of perfectly sound mind, but in the same breath he will state he will do "this and such " for mother since he has POA, and nobody can "challenge" him. He cannot have it both ways. Either she is competent and he needs to let her make her own decisions or he needs to have her evaluated for competency and then his "powers" kick in.
Drives the rest of us sibs crazy.
Wouldn’t a court have to determine that? What would it change any way? Does she think she had more control? All I want is to spend quality time with mom, and i get this bullying and torment...