She periodically will hire professionalls. My mom is finally involved with a care agency I recommended 15 years ago. She agreed subsequent to a laborious effort made by myself and her banker to show her her caretaker a "friend" was forging checks.
Her long term care insurance pays for housecleaning. My mom doesn't tell anyone (including us) about the bedbugs, but I told them so they can take precautions. Mom doesn't know I did this. My mom has never used their house cleaning service, though it is FREE. The last two years, we stay downtown when we visit, and take lots of precautions. We visit in July, and I can't always rush to clean the bathrooms when we come in. My husband has to lift the seat. It is disgusting. It is a nice house, but so dirty. Is there a nice way I can ask her to please have the cleaning service clean the toilets before we get there?
Seems like when you dance around an issue, trying to be nice - the recipient of the effort just doesn’t get it most of the time. They fail to see - whether it’s can’t or won’t - that you are talking about an issue concerning them.
Just come out with it. Think about what you’ll say ahead of time and choose your words. Direct doesn’t have to be demeaning or mean.
Hire a bedbug specialist, usually the super heating of the entire house is the only way to get rid of them, especially when they have been allowed enough time to build cities in the house. You are going to have to do this.
Then you go get mom and a few items and head to the laundromat while her house is being treated, then off to a hotel for a nice little vacay for as long as the exterminator says to remain out of the house, get a paid cleaning service that will send a crew and clean top to bottom. This will be expensive, but it really needs to be done to protect your sister and all the people she lives with.
Can you imagine how frustrating it is for them to deal with bed bugs while caring for a house full of challenged adults. Beyond comprehension.
Let your mom buck and snort, but put your foot down and tell her it will be done, so enjoy your holiday and know that your house will be more comfortable for the process.
Then you can set down with her and schedule a regular cleaning through her insurance.
Are you completely certain that she should still be living alone? I told my mom that the state would lock her up because anyone in their right mind wouldn't live like that, so we deal with it or I call the state and they deal with it. (Not true but I had to say something that would get her out of my way so I could clean her house. You do what you have to. )
We are going to be in N.C. in July, so will meet with some bed bug experts there. My mom has intermittently used Orkin.
I ran it by my husband as well. One issue for us, too, is my sisters group home, where the bugs originated, we think. I am a Licensed Social Worker, with many years of practice. When I was young, I was a group home administrator. As time has gone by, there are fewer and fewer group homes for the mentally ill. My sisters group home has changed hands several times. People running them are paraprofessionals and budget strapped. When I last warned them about the bugs (as they had them before) my mother went crazy and the administrator quit and gave the job to her cousin. My husbands fear is that the bugs will always travel back and forth between the two. He has some concerns (which are likely valid) that if the group home blames my mom or sister somehow for any recurrence, they will kick her out. It is a home like setting, with 6 women. My sister is the only person who rotates out to stay with family. There are few other group homes in the area (if any) and it is a long laborious process to find and be admitted to one. Plus, she is used to living there. If I were certain that the people administrating were energetic and reasonable and easy to work with I would talk with them. But I am not certain of this. So, my husband says, even if my mom spent tons more $ on the issue, my sisters moving back and forth my reintroduce them.
I have talked with my moms nurse case manager, and she says that, as long as my mom is not at imminent risk, she would let the situation stand. I think for now, I will implore my mother to have them come in an clean the bathrooms before we come, and be a little more graphic then I typically am. We will meet with some people down there.
We are sure we will never stay there again, and I know my mother knows why. The expense, and the dread are part of the package.
I really do appreciate your response, and the responses in general. I find it very helpful, and need the support....
The other 2 bathrooms have been cleaned occasionally throughout the years. I'm sure the last time was when I did it last year. She had the caretakers over to transport my sister home (she is mentally ill) and the transporter had to use the bathroom before I could get to it. After I left, my mom asked "how was the bathroom?' and I told her it was bad. I think she doesn't let people clean because 1)she doesn't want people to see how dirty it is 2) she is afraid someone will come across a bedbug.Mom doesn't know I told the service about the bedbugs, as she would not. They haven't told her they know. The bugs came from the group home my sister lives in in 2016. When I was certain about them (despite being lied to) I informed my sisters group home that my mom had them, so they could prevent exposure. Mom was furious at me for this! She refuses to co ordinate with them. My mom has some cognitive decline, but is super bright so tries to hide it elaborately. She is creative, and always obfuscated and fabricated when things didn't suit her. She lives in a 3,000 sq foot house, with lots of art, and books, and closets and drawers stuffed to the gills. These are excellent bed bug habitats. Cleaning was never really within her wheelhouse, just making things look visually artistic, so this is part of it....
Have her bring nothing from the group home, the clothes on her back. Nice hot shower upon arriving at moms, with clothes going right into a hot wash followed by a hot dryer. She is now clean and not introducing more bugs. She has clothes and shoes that stay at moms and only at moms.
The problem with letting it go, these things replicate like crazy, now every place your mom goes, everyone that enters the house has a real potential of taking them out of there and causing them to spread. You and husband going to visit means you could be introducing them to the hotel where you stay. It just gets bigger, this isn't a situation that goes away because you don't look.
I understand that it is a daunting task, but you have to think about others. Even your mom will start to be comprised because they get so bad. Pleased don't let this go.