My mother has been in this nursing home since April, after suffering a massive stroke which has left her paralyzed. She has use of her right arm, can talk and carry on a conversation, still has her long-term memory. She can self feed (pureed food) if everything is set up for her, but that's about all she can do physically. She was totally independent before the stroke.
As one can guess, this is causing her much distress. She is very afraid, and has always been afraid of nursing homes. She's having a tough time.
I went to visit her tonight. New Geriatric Nursing Assistant in her unit tonight. Her GNA was a male. She told me he was very nice. When it was time to have her diaper changed and get her nightgown on, he came in to do that. I stayed. New and a man, I didn't like it. Mom started crying in the middle of the process, and cried for an hour afterwards. She was extremely embarrassed. Is this a normal practice at nursing homes, having a male change a female? Nothing personal against this gentleman.
Many people are unaware that there are perverts of all kinds running around out there getting jobs that routinely puts them in a position of molesting or otherwise abusing the people they assist. A good example might be a male employee of a male haberdasher. In most cases that is not a problem. But in my 51 years of investigative experience I’ve seen male perverts get take such employment because of the opportunity to molest customers that the job offers.
After a period of hospitalization my wife was sent to a rehab facility. During a visit by five family members my wife sat in a wheelchair, while I took advantage of her empty bed to take a brief nap. I was dozing on my back with my knees up. A male nurse who I never saw before, came into the room and apparently trying to be humorous, put his hand on my genitals and made some comment about needing the diaper changed. That was done in full view of my son-in-law and grandson. Everybody was shocked including me. I complained, and he was fired.
Of course in emergency situations there is a built in priority that puts safety and handling of the situation ahead of embarrassment. About six months ago I managed to fall in the shower. I can’t get up from falls and my wife is not strong enough to help me. She called 911 where we could normally expect a couple of big strong firemen to show up and get the job done. This time was a little different two sweet young things in firemen’s uniforms suddenly appeared. I told them the first thing that came to my mind, “Don’t Look!” Frankly my biggest concern had nothing to do with what they saw or didn’t see. I was mainly concerned that they didn’t drop me - which they didn’t.
Just to comment, ironically, my FIL made the same complaint--he didn't want the male CNA tending to him, either! No valid reason, no abuse, he just thought it was creepy, I guess. Maybe he thought it was OK for the ladies to "enjoy" doing that.
The facility was very understanding and honored our request to change whenever possible.
Never looked at it from that POV. Thanks for pointing out what should be obvious.
I love my car mechanic and when i kiddingly asked if he;d marry me, since every widow needs a mechanic on call, he laughed and said his wife wouldn't like that. Tickled me that he understood i was not serious. Now i just tell him he's my favorite guy after my two sons--and he always solves my car troubles. Since my sons live many states away, all four of us are satisfied!!!
So bottom line, knowing that men nurses might need to with woman patients, the patient should have a choice, or male aide should be accompanied by female aide. My mom throws out the term “elder abuse” at times too. The facility should know to cover their butts from fake allegations. Can you put in a nanny cam? Whether you watch it or not, it’s presebce and the notices that security cameras are on sight might keep staff on their toes.
When I was in nursing, back in the mid & late 20th century, women did all the nursing work (only one man in my nursing class and his wife, after attending a function at our school, made him quit!). No man seemed to think it unusual or distressing to have female caregivers. Is this because they always thought of woman being like their mothers and giving them care without it being an issue.?
I would wonder about the past experiences of a woman who is so distressed as described at the top of this thread. It might have nothing to do with today, but everything to do with past life experiences. Tenderness has its place and I'm glad to know there are those available to ease this stress. But it's also odd to me that while in a facility with lots of people around, a person would make a big issue of whether the carer is male or female. But then, I'm pretty liberal in general ----and can yell with the best of them if necessary. Which it never has been.
There are often advantages height or body strength that. Can be helpful with a male caregiver, but he should not be alone when care involves exposing your mother's female parts. Talk to NH senior nursing staff. It is as my a protection for them as you. With your mother's limited mobility and communication, it is especially important.
Like others I was a NA in hospital years ago.
Most of the women of my mom's generation had their babies delivered by men. One of my mom's friends declared that she would NEVER go to a female gyn!
We are talking about trained medical professionals here.
What's the issue?
As a much younger woman, I had my own very awkward experience with a new Gyn who I never went to see again, after his examination of my breasts went on far too long, AND he stood behind me the whole time where I could not see him but could tell he was "fidgeting" behind me. I kept doubting my views until he whispered "how does that feel?" I felt a sense of great panic, but having grown up conditioned to never, EVER question men of authority, I sat there, wondering if I should throw on my clothes and bolt from the room.
This is NOT a condemnation of men. It's just a recognition of both biological facts (that men are more sexually driven), and crime statistics. Men are statistically far more likely to abuse their authority or power when it's combined with being alone in a room with one female.
But, let's just say, hypothetically, that this particular GNA (Idk what that is...the same as CNA?) is very professional and would NEVER abuse his power.
What matters is that this elderly woman was clearly uncomfortable and suffered emotionally from this. Implying that she should just buck up and get over it is exactly the sort of mindset that puts females in positions where they're abused:
They don't want to seem dramatic.
They think they're overreacting.
They know they won't be believed later when they report it.
And so on.........
There is absolutely no reason why this facility needs to continue putting her in an awkward position.
A huge man came in my 91 yr old mom's room at the hospital to change her several months ago. I saw the panic on her face as she said she didn't need to be changed, though she was soaking wet. I asked for a female and one was sent in. Females are more abundant in the nursing and CNA world, so they are likely to be able to easily find one if requested.
M1kew00 should just ask.
In most states training, passing a written and skills test and passing a background check is required to fill these positions. I had to be photographed and fingerprinted to be registered with the state when I did this.
Anyone convicted of a crime, especially of the assault nature would not be employed by any state with these requirements. If you're concerned, check your state registry to find out what the required qualifications are. I think you will be shocked at the high standards these people have to step up to for a relatively low paying job.
this was at Newport Oregon, Yaquina Care
My own father--when he had dementia--was still extremely modest. He didn't like to have personal care by either gender. Interestingly, when he was quite confused, he was uncomfortable having a male caregiver. I heard him ask the man if he was gay.
I have always tried to accommodate individual preferences, but unfortunately, there are times when no other options are available.
I'm not going to start it because I think it's probably a good thing for world peace that it wasn't taken up, but nobody has even mentioned religious doctrine in this context.
At some point, there has to be a decision about whose rights take precedence in a given context - in this context, for example, my right to pursue a career versus your right to reject my service on the grounds that you object to receiving care from a female. Does the basis of the objection make any difference? Must you even give a reason?
Unless it was a bath or shower the patient was never naked. Only the part being tended to was exposed. The patient was kept covered by a sheet. When the genital area was cleaned the sheet was lifted at the front and that part washed. Then the patient was rolled to one side and the job was completed. The result was that the patient never actually saw that they were exposed. Depends were not yet available.
That of course was a very long time ago and during the past four years I. I am sure if I requested female help it would have been made available but I have spent many weeks in various hospitals at times seriously ill and encountered care from male CNAs. It was a shock at first being one month short of 80 but I found them kind and compassionate and very respectful. In one hospital many of them were from eastern european countries and their command of English was sketchy.
In all the hospitals at change of shift the the RN and CNA came and introduced themselves and wrote their names on the board.
If the presence of male nurses is a huge problem another option would be to hire outside help to come in for a few hours daily and get the bathing taken care of. This is a problem that is not going to go away so I am afraid we will all have to get used to it.