My mother has been in this nursing home since April, after suffering a massive stroke which has left her paralyzed. She has use of her right arm, can talk and carry on a conversation, still has her long-term memory. She can self feed (pureed food) if everything is set up for her, but that's about all she can do physically. She was totally independent before the stroke.
As one can guess, this is causing her much distress. She is very afraid, and has always been afraid of nursing homes. She's having a tough time.
I went to visit her tonight. New Geriatric Nursing Assistant in her unit tonight. Her GNA was a male. She told me he was very nice. When it was time to have her diaper changed and get her nightgown on, he came in to do that. I stayed. New and a man, I didn't like it. Mom started crying in the middle of the process, and cried for an hour afterwards. She was extremely embarrassed. Is this a normal practice at nursing homes, having a male change a female? Nothing personal against this gentleman.
Aunt requested a female and sometimes she’d get one but then the next shift staffed mostly men or they were short staffed... just being real!
I am so glad you spoke up about this issue.
As you saw, it was an easy fix for the nursing home.
There are typically more women working in nursing homes, so it was just a simple matter of scheduling.
Why cause distress to an elderly person needlessly?
m1kew00
34 min ago
THIS HAS BEEN RESOLVED! Please see my December 2 post WAY down below. Thank you all for your wisdom! I'm very new to all of this and am just learning as I go along.
m1kew00
Dec 2, 2018
Thank you all for your replies. I spoke with the nursing supervisor on duty yesterday and she was very receptive to Mom's problems. She asked if we would like only females to change her, and I said yes please. Also made clear that this was not at all a reflection on the male caregiver, just Mom's personal preference
Seriously, though, what must you think of us. I'm sorry if you've had a bit of a baptism of fire, but at least you didn't feel no one was interested? I hope?
What sort of week have you and your mother had?
That is outrageous. Yes, many women see a male doctor.
Still, if it makes her uncomfortable, it is such an easy fix, I fail to fathom why the home will not accommodate you and her and send a Female to take care of her.
Can you speak to management?
Have you considered that her embarrassment may have been you being in the room and seeing her in this position? Having worked with the elderly for much of my career, I can tell you that having your children see you having your brief changed is one of the things that causes the elderly intense embarrassment and shame.
It would be possible for there to be a fine line between harmless light-hearted flirtatious banter and inappropriately intimate comments, yes, true. But that was NOT a fine line, that was a mile wide.
Besides, how could you ever have looked him in the eye again?
Unless it was a bath or shower the patient was never naked. Only the part being tended to was exposed. The patient was kept covered by a sheet. When the genital area was cleaned the sheet was lifted at the front and that part washed. Then the patient was rolled to one side and the job was completed. The result was that the patient never actually saw that they were exposed. Depends were not yet available.
That of course was a very long time ago and during the past four years I. I am sure if I requested female help it would have been made available but I have spent many weeks in various hospitals at times seriously ill and encountered care from male CNAs. It was a shock at first being one month short of 80 but I found them kind and compassionate and very respectful. In one hospital many of them were from eastern european countries and their command of English was sketchy.
In all the hospitals at change of shift the the RN and CNA came and introduced themselves and wrote their names on the board.
If the presence of male nurses is a huge problem another option would be to hire outside help to come in for a few hours daily and get the bathing taken care of. This is a problem that is not going to go away so I am afraid we will all have to get used to it.
I'm not going to start it because I think it's probably a good thing for world peace that it wasn't taken up, but nobody has even mentioned religious doctrine in this context.
At some point, there has to be a decision about whose rights take precedence in a given context - in this context, for example, my right to pursue a career versus your right to reject my service on the grounds that you object to receiving care from a female. Does the basis of the objection make any difference? Must you even give a reason?
My own father--when he had dementia--was still extremely modest. He didn't like to have personal care by either gender. Interestingly, when he was quite confused, he was uncomfortable having a male caregiver. I heard him ask the man if he was gay.
I have always tried to accommodate individual preferences, but unfortunately, there are times when no other options are available.
In most states training, passing a written and skills test and passing a background check is required to fill these positions. I had to be photographed and fingerprinted to be registered with the state when I did this.
Anyone convicted of a crime, especially of the assault nature would not be employed by any state with these requirements. If you're concerned, check your state registry to find out what the required qualifications are. I think you will be shocked at the high standards these people have to step up to for a relatively low paying job.
this was at Newport Oregon, Yaquina Care
Most of the women of my mom's generation had their babies delivered by men. One of my mom's friends declared that she would NEVER go to a female gyn!
We are talking about trained medical professionals here.
What's the issue?
As a much younger woman, I had my own very awkward experience with a new Gyn who I never went to see again, after his examination of my breasts went on far too long, AND he stood behind me the whole time where I could not see him but could tell he was "fidgeting" behind me. I kept doubting my views until he whispered "how does that feel?" I felt a sense of great panic, but having grown up conditioned to never, EVER question men of authority, I sat there, wondering if I should throw on my clothes and bolt from the room.
This is NOT a condemnation of men. It's just a recognition of both biological facts (that men are more sexually driven), and crime statistics. Men are statistically far more likely to abuse their authority or power when it's combined with being alone in a room with one female.
But, let's just say, hypothetically, that this particular GNA (Idk what that is...the same as CNA?) is very professional and would NEVER abuse his power.
What matters is that this elderly woman was clearly uncomfortable and suffered emotionally from this. Implying that she should just buck up and get over it is exactly the sort of mindset that puts females in positions where they're abused:
They don't want to seem dramatic.
They think they're overreacting.
They know they won't be believed later when they report it.
And so on.........
There is absolutely no reason why this facility needs to continue putting her in an awkward position.
A huge man came in my 91 yr old mom's room at the hospital to change her several months ago. I saw the panic on her face as she said she didn't need to be changed, though she was soaking wet. I asked for a female and one was sent in. Females are more abundant in the nursing and CNA world, so they are likely to be able to easily find one if requested.
M1kew00 should just ask.