Started the Medicaid process to prepare Doc for either home care or a facility. They sent a supplemental asking for lots of “household” financial documentation and proof. Does that mean I have to give my tax records and all financial info to them, too? Seems so intrusive and makes me not want to do this.
Very overwhelmed....and beyond frustrated. Came home from court today and FIVE HOURS LATER I can finally sit down to write this. Walk in to a complete and utter disaster of sh*t smeared on the floor, had a dozen diapers disgustingly smeared and used to clean the floor, the counter, the walls and the carpet again. Husband rushes home from the office - drops all he is doing, to come and shampoo the carpet AGAIN.
Doc took 3 showers at my repeated insistence as he dragged his feet and spread it on the carpet and his bed, and still had it smeared on his leg that I had to clean, along with all his bedding AGAIN. This was the first time we’ve had to deal with this level of bowel issues. Now we are past little spots or leakage from the diaper. Now we are past the line that I cannot stomache. Now what?
How do my home caregiving friends do it? How do you breathe?? Laundry is still going and I challenge any one of you mates to a contest of who goes through more laundry detergent or toilet paper - I guarantee you, I’d win by a mile. Gotta go shopping AGAIN to stock up for this merry go round. Then the septic company (who was just here 6 mos ago), just came to respond to our call that it already stinks - as if it can’t get worse - we need a whole new septic.
Unbelievable. I can’t do this anymore and I don’t want to deal with the state digging into our financials. I do not want this responsibility anymore but God help me, I see no way out without having to sacrifice even more than we already have. We have paid so much and I don’t want to spend another dime on this madness, we don’t deserve this! Feel like a whip driven slave to mental illness. What hurts the most is that I do not feel anything other than negative about Doc, and he has been my loving father for 20 years. In tears and emotional shambles right now. I hate dementia and I hope I never ever ever encounter it again in my life!!
Too bad FIL (a former MD?) was financially irresponsible, but that doesn't mean YOU have to pay the price for it (which you are doing right now, correct, including a particularly high emotional price). I think you also mentioned in an earlier post that your own child(ren) haven't gotten the attention that they should have?
Things have gotten considerably worse than your posts of 5 months ago, yes? What was the result of all the testing that you wrote was going to be done?
You do NOT have to be stuck in this endless "chitpalooza" (word coined in another thread)!
Im so sorry to hear of all your "poopy" troubles. This situation has gotten out of hand and should not be tolerated any longer.
Medicaid should not be asking for any of YOUR cpersonal financial information. Of course, they have a right to know about his, since he's applying for government aid (Medicaid).
Do NOT agree to release your info or pay them anything on his behalf.
You need to get your father placed in a facility ASAP. Can you afford a couple of months care while you wait for Medicaid to go through? If not, (and I hate to say this) but take him to the ER for some complaint (maybe diarrhea) and then refuse to take him home. Explain you take care of your small grandchildren and they have come in contact with your fathers feces. That should start an immediate emergency placement while Medicaid is "pending".
I had to place my mom (stage 6 Alz) when she started being incontinent of stool. My hubby (her part time caregiver) drew the line at poop. 💩
Good luck. I know you are ready to tear your hair out. 😩
I just want to repeat what the others have said. Medicaid is interested in all things Doc. Financials, bank statements, investment information, properties, etc. This does not mean yours and your husbands or anyone else in the households financial information.
Be prepared, just because you submit something for Doc you may be asked to resubmit or submit for a third time. Things fall into a black hole, get lost. Keep copies of everything.
You really do sound exhausted. If you have started the Medicaid process there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Hang in there. (((Hugs)))
Glad you sound better this morning.
You mention you have claimed Doc as a dependent for the last couple years. I don’t know how or if this will change the Medicaid process at all. Let’s hope not.
Someone may come along that has experience with having claimed a parent as a dependent then applied for Medicaid.
Medicaid process is all about being intrusive...that’s what they are there for...was your father a Vet? He can get a lot of services if he was...You can get help w Medicaid application from Social a Worker or Dept of Aging.
I also suggest putting Dad on bathroom schedule & have Aide change his diapers ...good luck & hugs 🤗
If you do not know can you contact a Veterans Commission office or the VA and give them the info you do have, they can look up his info to determine if he is a Veteran. That will give you more help right there.
Personal opinion it sounds like you can not leave him alone at all.
Is it possible that you and your Husband can work out hours that will enable one or the other to be home when the other isn't?
Are there Adult Day Care programs in your area? He might be a great candidate for Adult Day Care. That would also give you a bit more freedom with your work schedule.
I would also check with the local Senior Center they may have help pr programs that might help in the way of caregivers or sitters for him as well as helping you navigate the systems as you apply for help.
Another great resource for you would be the Alzheimer's Association. You can call and talk to them at any time and you can ask what support groups there might be in your area as well as any other help they might offer.
You certainly wouldn't be the first family to have an elder law attorney help with a Medicaid application. Have you considered it? Have you called your Area Agency on Aging to see if they have some help with applications available?
It is time for a change!
so what’s this weekends cake?
& what’s your plan for Halloween... spooky or scary?
Sounds like your pretty young and you need to be able to have a life of your own. Get a casemanager and they can help with any and all paperwork to get him in assisted living. AND YOU CAN STILL VISIT HIM...Like a couple times a week/month. This process could take a few months to a yr. But have patience..Hes your dad 😎
Im not a caregiver/p.c.a.
Im a client at a mental health center with a casemanager and therapist. I also have incontinence..both ends..i also have a bladder prolapse and a rectal prolapse herniated into bladder.
Yes i have mental illnesses and tons of chronic pain.
Im 55 and 1/2 yrs OLD..
Wish i could come help you and Doc / dad...but ???
I WILL BE PRAYING FOR YA"LL ...GOD LOVES YA"LL AND SO DO I ...MAY GOD INTERVINE AND SEND HELP...You do your part..(casemanager) and GOD WILL BLESS YOU WITH SO MUCH LOVE IN YOUR HEART FOR DAD AND GOD JUST MIGHT BLESS YOUR DAD TO GET BETTER if its in HIS WILL.
PRAYING FOR YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY AND COMMUNITY.
LOVE IN JESUS MIGHTY NAME..Georgia 🌹🐝🌹🙌
P.S. dont feel guilty...GOD understands and so do i...Thank you for careing enough to ask for help.
Its coming. 🌹🙌🌹
I read your posts and I think what an amazing, loving family and how blessed this man is to have you all.
I pray that an elder law attorney can help you with the Medicaid application and get him placed where and when you desire.
Hugs to you all!🤗
i don’t remember the lawyer's name. I looked him up on the web. Look for lawyers specializing in Medicaid.
An Elder Care Attorney may have someone in their office than can handle the Medicaid application, or advise as you go through the process.
My Moms Nursing Home Social Worker offered to handle the Medicaid Application. But, like you, There were a couple of possible stumbling blocks that I wanted answers for, so, I made an appt with my Moms Attorney. I learned a lot of things I didn’t even know I needed to know AND they had a retired Medicaid employee on their staff that handled Medicaid Applications.
Moms application took longer than the normal 3 months estimated at that time. It took 5 months.
So, yes, you DO need to see an Elder Care Attorney. If only for a consult to get a few questions answered. Ask the question about Doc having been claimed as your dependent first.
Good Luck. Glad you are having a quiet morning.
I downloaded the Medicaid application for my state, and I don't know how anyone can do it themselves! Even if I did, the chances of being approved would be slim. And the process would be long and frustrating since I'd be struggling to understand what info they want, going back and forth with more questions and corrections. By the way, lots of financial detail is REQUIRED, so we have to accept that. The elder care lawyer I spoke with charges a flat fee for handling the application, and his rate is $7500 to $10000, depending on the complexity of the situation/assets. Yikes! But I'm thinking it might be worth it since that's still less than 2 months of NH care. Other replies offer sources of help that may be cheaper, certainly worth a look!
Many of us share your feelings. You need to vent sometimes just to face the day. Please be kind to yourself and allow yourself whatever relief you can get.
Use all his savings to pay for 24/7 care to watch him not mess up your home. The state is quicker to help when you show all the paperwork of his savings of going to a person taking care of him. They also allow him to pay you as long as you have back paperwork that proves it week to week. They are VERY thorough before they put a person on Medicaid. Anything that remotely looks like you are trying to cheat will be caught. They are very good at their job.
It sounds like a never ending nightmare that you are going through right now with your husband. I am so thankful that you have the support of your husband. My husband has passed from cancer and now it is just me and my 95 year old Mom. I will never put her in a home, unless it is for end of life care.....
I know everyone can't do this.
Prayers and warm thoughts to you and hopes that you are able to get through this for a small light on the other side.
If you knew dad had a feces issue, why on earth was he left alone in the house for FIVE HOURS? That is akin to leaving a two-year-old child alone in a house. Please don't ever do that again. Please hire a caregiver for the times when you cannot be home to supervise him.
I can understand your thinking it would be nice to have Doc home for one more holiday season, but for me it would be a mistake. Far better to have fond memories of holidays with Doc, than ones where the festivities were interrupted by his incontinence and/or escalating poor judgement. You can always bring him home for a day from a nursing home.
Better to have a caregiver in the home minding Doc, than a poopy mess when you get home too. If you have confidential documents in your home, buy a locking filing cabinet, or put a lock on your office.
It is challenging to accept the new reality of Doc not being the same person he was just a few months ago. But accept it you must. After accepting it you must put into place the supports he (and you) need to avoid poop all over the house etc.
If any of Doc's funds have been comingled with yours, your husband's or the kids', then yes, Medicare will want the information.
A big advantage of having medi caid is it will pay for the incontinence supplies. That will be a big help because what you need are bed pads to place everywhere you can without causing an accident.
Also you can protect surfaces with big sheets of plastic as well. I layer protective sheets then I only have to scoop them up and place in a covered garbage can. They come in all sizes.
I put some pads on the mattress, more on the mattress pad and more on the bottom sheet. I put doubles on her tv recliner and I’ve put them under her feet in the living room too, for when she stands and it lets go.
You said his stools got runny recently. You should determine what triggered it. Or he may have a virus that once resolved will end your frustrations.
I realize he is making matters worse but try to appreciate his attempts to clean up. Maybe get some huge wet ones to help him do it. And invest in some rubber back rugs. It really help s.
I notice that when the dryer is running I can still smell the bad scents so I’m adding more soap and getting some boosters as well. I’m aware that I’m sensitive to the smell but so what? That means it’s not clean right?
Lastly, it is so much easier when you have such grossness to wear disposable gloves. That leaves you with just the smell to deal with. They say that coroners put Vick’s under their noses to alleviate the stench. They oughtta know!
Good luck,
Charlotte
ps Sorry, I cant think of anything for the visuals. Try and think happy thoughts. Or don’t think at all maybe.
If you or your father have the finances, use some to connect with an elder law attorney to guide you through the process so you make the best financial decisions.
Other people have offered good advice as far as supplies; you might want to consider Costco? and there's a great company called HDIS that delivers to your door and it is their specialty.
Also, some people like carpet...others don't....and I hesitate to suggest this knowing your financial strain...but there are flooring options: one would be to get rid of your carpet and the padding and put in something hard and washable; there are also industrial type carpets meant to take abuse, some have carpet tiles and what gets wrecked gets lifted up and another tile gets put down. Or could at least be put outside until you have a chance to clean it if you want.
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so sorry all of us have to go through this. But I also know we have to remember our loved ones would not, do not want this to happen and have no control. It is a terrible feeling. I had a kidney stone a year ago, and came home after a day in the ER, and within a matter of hours was horrified and shocked that I just had absolutely no control over my bladder. Grateful that it was a short lived episode, but just stunned that it could happen and I couldn't for the life of me stop it. No one wants to...
I know this seems intrusive but Medicaid was designed to provide for people with no money or resources. The recipient has to spend most of their assets before Medicaid will pay for anything. He can have no more than $2000 monthly in income, cash etc. The government requires an accounting of the last 5 years to ensure that money is not being hidden through gifts or transfers to family.
if your father has assets you will have to spend the money down before he will be a candidate for Medicaid. This can even include a car that is needed for his use, special furniture, safety equipment, medical alert and similar high ticket items.
Have you consulted your states Senior Services office? They will be able to connect you with resources that may help you deal with some of your issues before he qualifies for Medicaid.
2 shots and ain’t liquor or drugs. 2 shots of being 247. I call my case a double dose. my mother first and now father. As long as you’re capable of making others laugh and not bringing them down too? At least accomplished something. You made them laugh and you gotta laugh after you made them laughing and it doesn’t stop through whole day. At least its positive way of thinking and laughing trying to make a daily activity . You don’t need to go see psychiatrist, take medication, and so on. Etc... Etc... I